Lleyton and Bec Hewitt are on the rocks, according to Woman’s Day and New Idea. Here’s our response to that crap

GOSSIP mags are again under fire after a ridiculous story about Bec and Lleyton Hewitt. This is our brutally ‘honest’ response to them.

AFTER a decades-long, pulsating, hot, steamy affair between readers and trashy gossip mags like New Idea and Woman’s Day, the relationship has reached breaking point and the romance appears to be on the rocks.

“They’re through,” an insider told news.com.au today. “Readers are finally giving up.”

After today’s extremely imaginative exposé in Woman’s Day regarding the state of the relationship between Bec and Lleyton Hewitt, our insider says that readers’ bullshit detectors have been bleeping like sirens.

“Readers just won’t cop these blatant beat-ups anymore,” our well-placed source said.

“It’s one thing to have invasive pics of celebrity couples taking a stroll along Bondi Beach with their toddlers Pineapple and Gherkin. That’s fine. Readers of trashy mags can’t get enough of that sort of thing.

“But when you fabricate stories with made-up quotes from the junior graphic designer whose only trip out of the office was to buy the editor a double soy skinny macchiato with quinoa, forget it.

“You might as well try to sell a magazine with Tony Abbott in his budgie smugglers on the cover,” our source added. “Readers just won’t buy it.”

Yeah, Bec really hates the tennis. It’s written all over her face. Picture: Mark Stewart

According to our impeccable source, who really does exist and who has met every single celebrity that ever lived, signs of the break-up between readers and gossip mags have been brewing for a while.

“It’s trouble in paradise,” our imaginary expert said. “When the number of kids in the Pitt/Jolie household topped the 100 mark and Princess Mary had her 11th set of twins, readers started to sense they were being taken for a ride.”

A leading media analyst, who we also just invented, says the low point of this week’s Woman’s Day story was the paragraph that read: “Bec Hewitt is fed up with the lack of intimacy from her tennis-obsessed husband”.

“Of course he’s tennis obsessed! The guy’s a tennis player. He’s won Wimbledon!” our made-up media analyst said.

He also added: “Well, duh.”

But according to our unbelievably real and honest made-up celebrity insider, there remains a faint glimmer of hope that the lovebirds could reconcile, and readers may yet forgive the gossip mags.

“You don’t throw away a lifetime together overnight,” the pretend insider said.

“If the gossip magazines could produce one real story — even just one — at some point in the next few months, then who knows? Readers may forgive them and they’ll be snuggling up together in doctor’s surgeries and train carriages just like before.

“We’re not hopeful, though. A celebrity in cheap leopard skin tights doesn’t change its spots overnight, you know.”

Meanwhile, our completely fake media analyst said that this week’s cheap shot at the Hewitts has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with a once lucrative business arrangement between the couple and Woman’s Day, which later soured.

“And if you believe that, you’ll believe that Justin Bieber is the father of Kate Middleton’s triplets,” our source added.

This issue was 10 months ago so it’s probably safe to say they were wrong about the baby. Imagine that!

For the record, and especially for all you gossip mag staffers reading this, the news.com.au sports editor just made an actual real life phone call to former tennis pro Todd Woodbridge, who knows the Hewitts well.

Seriously, a real call, not a pretend one. He picked an actual phone up and dialled it.

“I know them well, they’re good friends and I don’t think it’s any way shape or form true,” Woodbridge said of the story.

Imagine that, eh?

Editor’s note: The headline on this story has been updated to include New Idea who carried the story as well.

Originally published as Lleyton and Bec Hewitt are on the rocks, according to Woman’s Day and New Idea. Here’s our response to that crap