13 years of co-parenting dismissed as All Hallows’ School enforces outdated policy

A Brisbane family has slammed All Hallows' School for forcing their Year 12 student to choose between her biological mother and seriously ill stepmum attending her graduation dinner.

A blended family has accused the prestigious All Hallows’ School of being “incredibly disrespectful” by effectively forcing their 17-year-old daughter to choose between having her biological mother or seriously ill stepmum at her Year 12 valedictory dinner.

Nonnie Noffke, who has shared the care of her daughter Teiya with her ex-husband’s wife Bec Stephens since 2012, has been trying since September to have the school relax its two-adult policy ahead of the November 19 gala event.

Mrs Noffke – an All Hallows’ past pupil who (as Nonnie Bysterveldt) was president of the Student Representative Council in 1997 – said the girls’ school was making a mockery of its values.

As stated on its website, these include “leading change” and “challenging societal structures that perpetuate injustice”.

“Bec has been in our lives since our daughter was three – Teiya also calls her mum – but the school has refused to budge,” said Mrs Noffke, 44, of Hamilton.

Nonnie Noffke has been trying since September to have All Hallows’ School relax its two-adult policy ahead of the November 19 gala event. Photo Steve Pohlner

“They’re knowingly disregarding family dynamics, and I just cannot stand the thought that my daughter’s stepmum, who didn’t even think she’d see her graduate due to her aggressive cancer battle, is being told, ‘you’re not welcome’.

“We have been co-parenting for 13 years and this is the first time we have been made to feel we’re not a normal family; it’s incredibly disrespectful.”

In one of several email exchanges with the school, and seen by The Courier-Mail, Mrs Noffke said it would be “remiss if All Hallows’ doesn’t acknowledge that in 2025 blended families can work together to raise their children and deserve equal access to support their children through significant school events – Bec is as much Teiya’s mother as I am”.

Mrs Noffke’s husband Ashley Noffke, a former Australian cricketer, is an assistant coach with the Pakistan national cricket team so will not be in Brisbane for the valedictory dinner, but if he were, the family would be requesting four adults attend.

They have offered to pay for the third seat and Teiya herself has gone to the school and suggested her biological mum sit on a different table with a friend who has a spare adult place.

Both ideas have been rejected.

Nonnie Noffke and Bec Stephens at the All Hallows' mothers' morning tea at the Royal International Convention Centre in May 2025.

“They’re not trying to work with us; they’re just giving us their rules,” Mrs Noffke said.

In emails to Mrs Noffke, the school said its chosen venue – the Brisbane Convention and Exhibition Centre – was “not big enough” to accommodate “all the students who have step-parents in their lives”.

“All Hallows’ is extremely aware that family situations today are far more complex than years ago,” the school said.

“That is why, when we have events like this, we implement a process that we consider extremely fair, transparent and inclusive.”

The process involves the student sitting down with a senior staff member and “workshopping” different combinations of adults to attend.

In “very complex” situations, the school may allow a third adult to come to the mass – which it has done in this case – but not the dinner.

Additional family members may also be present at a full-school graduation assembly when the Year 12s are “clapped out” of the school.

Mrs Noffke said none of this compensated for missing the valedictory dinner, and the family had made the difficult decision that the two spots be taken up by the biological parents.

Ashley Noffke and Nonnie Noffke on their wedding day in 2021, with Nonnie's ex-husband Daniel Stephens (left) and his wife Bec Stephens (right).

“What I don’t understand is why parents are not consulted – why did the school, which books in venues well in advance, not listen to blended families?” she said.

“Because they are not making adjustments in 2025 means it could continue – our second daughter will graduate in three years’ time and we don’t want this awful situation repeated, for us or anybody else.”

When the Sunday Mail asked All Hallows’ why it would not accommodate the families’ request, it responded in a statement: “For the valedictory dinner each of our 240 Year 12 students is allocated three seats – this is for the student and two parents/caregivers.

“Due to seating restrictions at the external venue where this event is held, and out of fairness to all families, we are unable to offer extra seats at the dinner.”

Kylie Lang is Associate Editor of The Courier-Mail

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