Bored by Joe Hockey’s budget talk? Spice it up with this indecently fun Federal Budget drinking game

TONIGHT’S Budget will be a unique blend of pain and boredom. But you can turn the nightmare into a real hoot with our drinking game.

BUDGETS are never fun, even at the best of times, and this one is expected to be more of a nightmare than usual.

In other words, it’s going to be a unique, wicked blend of pain and boredom.

With that in mind, we all need something to help us through the evening. Since many people are going to end up nursing a wallet-related hangover anyway, we figured a raucously fun Budget drinking game could do the trick.

In keeping with the Budget’s theme of responsibility, you don’t even need to pour a drop of alcohol. Why not drink some Kool-Aid? Everyone in Canberra is already skolling the stuff anyway.

We’ve picked out 25 things to look out for during Joe Hockey’s Budget speech. Some of them are words, some are phrases and others are actions. Watch closely, follow the rules and you’ll be sharing the burden of mirth with your mates in no time.

Prefer your Kool-Aid in a mug? Go for it. We won’t judge.

THE FEDERAL BUDGET DRINKING GAME

Keep your eyes and ears peeled for these 25 things. If you spot or hear one of them, follow the corresponding instructions. Follow them well.

• “Tough but fair.”

Drink.

• “Share the burden.”

Drink.

• “Clear mandate.”

You have a clear mandate to drink.

• “Fair dinkum.”

Fair drink ‘em.

• “Labor’s mess.”

Curse Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard, then drink.

How dare she make us drink so much.

• The Liberal MPs shout “Hear, hear!”

Two drinks. That’s one for each “hear”.

• “Strong economy.”

Drink.

• “The national interest.”

Spring to your feet, salute the television, then drink.

• Joe tries to avoid saying the word “tax”, using other words such as levy, excise, toll, tariff, or duty.

Tip out half your drink (think of your sink as the tax man), then skoll the rest.

• Tony Abbott peers over the top of his glasses as though he’s Albus Dumbledore.

Keep drinking until his gaze drops.

That gaze isn’t dropping anytime soon.

• “We didn’t create the mess.”

Spill your drink, then repeat Joe’s words back at him.

• “Getting on with the job.”

Get on with your own job and have three drinks.

• Bronwyn Bishop calls for order.

Apologise to the lady, then drink.

• “Responsibility.”

It is your responsibility to drink.

• “True state of the books.”

Check the state of your bookshelf, and have one drink for every ratty volume.

Maybe we should discuss the state of that book.

• “Paying down the debt.”

Drink.

• The opposition MPs laugh at something.

Keep drinking until they calm down.

• “Unsustainable.”

Three drinks. Of course, that rate of consumption would be unsustainable if you continued it throughout the night.

• “We’re all in it together.”

Drink.

• Joe mentions “infrastructure” or “roads”.

Make some “vroom vroom” noises, then drink.

Joe prepares to hit the new roads.

• “Labor’s failed approach.”

Bring your drink towards your mouth, then spill it at the last second.

• “Broken promises.”

Giggle at the irony, then drink.

• “Back on track.”

Drink.

• Any use of the word “modest”.

Have a modest sip of your drink.

• Joe finishes his speech and receives a standing ovation.

Keep drinking until the applause stops.

Still watching at this point? Congratulations, you just made it through the Treasurer’s Budget speech. But now you have to survive the actual Budget.

Originally published as Bored by Joe Hockey’s budget talk? Spice it up with this indecently fun Federal Budget drinking game