By Tony Wright
Imagine they gave an election campaign and nobody came.
Poor Anthony Albanese. Social distancing and political campaigning, he's discovering, make an awkward coupling.
The byelection for what commentators once liked to call the "bellwether" seat of Eden-Monaro has been a lonesome slog ever since the start of the campaign some weeks ago.
That's when Albanese and Labor's candidate Kristy McBain found themselves all but forsaken on the main street of a locked-down Queanbeyan, a glacial wind blowing from the nearby mountains, snow clouds gathering and the threat of coronavirus in the air.
Things have improved marginally since as Albanese and McBain have travelled around the giant electorate, from the NSW south coast to the Snowy Mountains and across the grazing plains.
On Wednesday, visiting Yass, Albanese managed the first handshake of the whole campaign.
It was, in truth, a paw shake. Apprentice electrician Daniel Halloran brought along his dog Ripley to meet the Opposition Leader. Ripley not only stuck out his paw - he licked Albanese's face, an alternative perhaps to the old campaign standby of kissing babies.
But when Albo visited a Yass cafe for his ritual on-the-road coffee, he discovered to his horror he had left his wallet behind.
Desperately searching for an adviser to pay the bill, he found the entire travelling media party watching him: two television camera operators, a newspaper photographer and a reporter. Ms McBain finally brought cash to the rescue.
Albanese and McBain are at least braving the election trail.
The Liberal Party hasn't even selected a candidate since the high farce that saw both the Liberal and National parties' would-be contestants - NSW MPs Andrew Constance (Liberal) and John Barilaro (Nationals) - withdrawing. This followed some very ripe name-calling by Barilaro, who is the NSW Deputy Premier.
The Liberals will finally hold a pre-selection on Friday, May 22.
The choice now is between Fiona Kotvojs, a businesswoman who narrowly failed to win the seat at the last election, and the former Queanbeyan-Palerang deputy mayor, Mark Schweikert.
The pre-selection vote in these isolated times will be held electronically.
Meanwhile, the fuming Nationals have taken themselves out of the race altogether.
Eden-Monaro remains Labor's to lose, with long-time ALP MP Mike Kelly retiring due to illness.
Albanese can boast one warming highpoint.
Visiting Cooma, he was spotted by two women from the local Thai restaurant. They bustled up to him, giggling that he was "so handsome - more handsome than on TV".
The weather hasn't helped, however.
Albanese has become known as "the farmers' friend". No matter how mild the weather when his street-walk schedule is settled, rain can just about be guaranteed by the time he steps out.
Mercy seems in short supply: winter is on the way, and no one can say when a suitable date for the byelection might be found.