Next week, hundreds of Australian athletes and media types will descend on Paris for the Olympic Games. And CBD has a word of caution – don’t mention the submarines.
Nearly three years since former prime minister Scott Morrison tore up a submarine contract with the French to pursue the AUKUS pact, earning the ire of Emmanuel Macron, some of our Gallic friends are still not over it, despite the Albanese government’s success in warming the Franco-Australian diplomatic relationship.
Federal Labor MP Patrick Gorman.
This memo wasn’t received by fresh-faced Labor assistant minister to the prime minister Patrick Possum Gorman (yes, that is his middle name), who was attending a Qantas soiree to celebrate the airline’s new direct Perth-to-Paris flight, held at the Australian embassy a stone’s throw from the Eiffel Tower.
“Australia learned that getting submarines from France to Australia is very difficult. While Qantas made getting aircraft from France to Australia look very easy,” he said.
In a room full of French officials and Morrison’s favourite Francophile singer, Tina Arena, for some reason, this joke could have gone down like Marine Le Pen’s vote share. Clearly Australia’s ambassador to France, Gillian Bird, was alive to the local sensitivities. She was heard muttering: “Please don’t. I never mention submarines in this country any more.”
That said, we’re more offended by Gorman, the member for Perth, drawing jesting comparisons between his home city and the French capital.
“Today our two cities have so much in common. Paris has the Eiffel Tower; Perth has the (almost as impressive) Bell Tower. Paris has the baguette; Perth has the Bunnings sausage in a bun.”
Luckily the French have a good sense of humour.
TEARS AND HUGGINS
It’s probably fair to say that most of us aren’t too attached to whichever federal electorate we find ourselves voting in. As long as we get our sausage and the line isn’t too long at the local primary school, shifting from one federal MP to another wouldn’t cause most us too much consternation.
Sentimental bloke: Former Victorian Liberal Party president Michael Kroger.Credit: Justin McManus
That can’t be said for former Victorian Liberal Party president and conservative stalwart Michael Kroger, who penned a rather sentimental objection to the Australian Electoral Commission’s plan to abolish Higgins, the blue ribbon electorate in Melbourne’s inner south-east.
He described Higgins as a seat “steeped in history and significance”, one that had “long been a cornerstone of our political landscape”.
“It has been represented by some of Australia’s most notable political figures, including [former prime ministers] Harold Holt and John Gorton,” he said.
“This heritage is not merely symbolic; it is a testament to the enduring voice and influence of Higgins residents in federal politics.”
Not only does the destruction of Higgins undermine our sacred political history, Kroger argues, it also causes electoral confusion.
It may, he opines, “result in decreased voter engagement and participation, undermining the democratic process and the very principle of fair representation”.
Created in 1949, Higgins has also been held by former federal treasurer Peter Costello, who stepped down in June as chairman of Nine (owner of The Age), and former Liberal MP and assistant treasurer Kelly O’Dwyer.
While we think Kroger’s effusive praise of an electorate might be a little over the top, you’ve got to admire his affection for seemingly arbitrary political boundaries.
HOWE COULD YOU?
There’s been drama brewing in the City of Kingston council, with The Age reporting consternation about a last-minute decision to hand $75,000 in ratepayers’ money to a religious organisation directly linked to a Kingston councillor.
While not the councillor linked to the organisation, Councillor Cameron Howe hasn’t taken too kindly to members of the public lobbing the occasional defamatory accusation against council members over the issue.
City of Kingston councillor Cameron Howe.Credit: Instagram: camhowe
One person who posted underneath a Facebook forum discussing council allegations with an innocuous phrase received a fairly terse threat from Howe.
“You will be sent a legal letter and held liable for the defamatory statement you made on 28 June 2024,” he told the woman.
In another response he promised that “we will sue on each of the defamatory comments published here”.
This column put to him that it was a bit of a strong response and asked whether it was appropriate to use legal threats against members of the public, to which Howe responded: “Do you feel it’s appropriate that people can act as a publisher on Facebook and write what they like without consequence?
“Because there is a piece of legislation in Australia called the Defamation Act.”
Howe would know.
He was previously ordered to pay a Melbourne property developer $205,000 in damages after a court held him liable for the defamatory comments of third parties on a community Facebook page he administered.
You’d think that would engender a little sympathy or tolerance. Apparently not.
Regardless, he also made an assessment of this column writing about the threats, saying “it’s basically a kindergarten article”.
You know what? We feel a little defamed by that.
TRUE GRIT
A keen-eyed Age staffer noticed something a little odd in some architectural renderings of the draft design plans for Queensberry Street riding lanes in Melbourne’s CBD: the artist included what appears to be fake graffiti.
An image from the draft design plans.Credit: City of Melbourne
It may have added some gritty reality to the design, but this column thought the flourish was an odd one given the ambitions of the new Lord Mayor, Nicholas Reece, to clamp down on the scourge of graffiti in the city.
Speaking in jest, Reece told CBD his Clean Team was dedicated to combing every corner of the city, and its focus would include digital graffiti as well.
“We’re outraged to learn these violations are now occurring in the digital world,” he joked. “So we’ll be launching an Online Clean Team to clean up the tagging and graffiti wherever it occurs – real, virtual or online, we will get this city clean.”
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