For Chontelle Bonfiglio’s 13-year-old son, it’s the YouTube ban that’s really going to hurt when the social media clamp comes into effect this week.

Jace built his own channel to upload videos of his gaming prowess. “It was just a creative outlet, nothing serious,” says Bonfiglio. “And now all that is going to be deleted. He’s more upset about that than the chatting.”

When the federal government’s controversial social media ban for under-16s kicks in on December 10, it will shut children out of a technology at the centre of how many young people play, chat and relax.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese says the ban will protect children from the harms of social media, particularly to their mental health. But experts and a coalition of mental health groups say the policy isn’t backed by evidence and risks cutting off young people from their networks.

Australia’s parents are now caught in the middle, charged with explaining the ban to their children and dealing with the fallout.

“For them, it’s basically the digital version of meeting up after school,” says Bonfiglio, who runs Mum’s Little Explorers, a children’s activities and family travel platform. “They are chatting, they are all talking, so it’s going to be hard. They have got to find another way to communicate.”

Bonfiglio says that in preparing for the ban to come into place, she has spoken with her children about what it will mean and why it’s happening.

“We’ve always spoken about online safety. Now it’s more having a conversation: it’s for their safety. They are pretty good, they do understand. But my older one, he is going to find it a bit tough because all his friends are online.”

Like several parents to whom this masthead spoke, Bonfiglio understands the point of the ban, even if she doesn’t agree with every element of it. She has always taken online safety seriously, monitoring her children’s online activity and teaching them how to use the internet safely.

“I can absolutely see why the ban is being introduced. Kids today are growing up online, and the risks around social media are real,” she says. “But we’ve also got to prepare them for the world they live in. I’d like to see more focus on digital literacy, not just a restriction – teaching kids how to use the internet safely.”

Mother of two Emilia Rossi sees both sides of the coin: social media poses risks and opportunities in equal measure, which she knows all too well as a marketer and lifestyle blogger.

Rossi’s son, Hercule, is eight, and has just started getting interested in the world of social media. “In year 2, they are already talking about Snapchat and TikTok. Some kids are already using AI – which is very scary. Instead of getting a book or going on Google, they are going to AI, which to me is very dangerous.”

The incoming ban slams the door on that, and Rossi is already thinking about how to be a good digital role model. “If I’m going to be preaching why my kids need to act in a certain way, I need to set an example. We’re at the cusp of having these conversations.”

Like Bonfiglio, Rossi closely monitors her children’s internet usage. But with the luxury of working from home, she’s able to spend time keeping an eye on what the children are doing. She sees more value in a blanket ban for the many parents who don’t have that time or proximity to pay close attention.

“It’s the parents, it’s up to them. We need to feel empowered, let’s take control. But I can see the way I parent is very different to others. People just don’t have that capacity.”

What about the young people themselves? Taihan Rahman, 16, sees social media as a good thing. He’s built rich communities on Facebook and Instagram, and uses Messenger to stay in touch.

“There are negative sides – if you’re scrolling or things like that, but for me, it’s been very positive,” he said.

“It feels as though young people are being somewhat targeted by the ban ... Just outright removing that way of connection, being with friends and community, is going to have quite a detrimental effect – especially on specific groups of young people.”

His mother, Tania Kaniz, is not convinced about the effectiveness of the strategy, either. A blanket ban, she thinks, is just going to make children more likely to seek out ways to access social media. “They can have it, but it has to be limited and monitored. We cannot give some tools to young people and say, ‘You have to be responsible by yourself’,” she says.

And the ban does not address her major concern: online gaming, which often has chat functions. “That’s not banned.”

Lauren Munro’s daughter, Hayley, has ADHD and finds social media – particularly YouTube – to be very calming.

“She finds it really therapeutic to comment on videos she likes. And when she gets comments in response, it really helps her mental health,” Munro says. “It’s going to be hard to deal with once she does not have access.”

Munro says she has already had an honest conversation with her daughters about the ban, and what it will mean for their technology use.

“Both of my kids feel like they are going to lose touch with their friends. When we sit down and talk, we try to brainstorm other ways they can talk to their friends safely, particularly around Messenger Kids [Facebook’s child-focused messenger app, which will be exempt from the ban],” she says.

“I’m hoping it won’t have much of an effect, as long as I keep a close eye on their mood and emotional balance and offer them that support they need if they are struggling. Try to be that positive role model – stay away from social media. I’m going to be mindful of that.”

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