By Jordan Baker
Last Monday night, 12-year-old Sydney student Charlotte sent a photograph of herself weeping to a friend. “I’m sorry,” she wrote. Her friend, who knew Charlotte was distressed and being bullied at school, was frantic.
“Sorry for what?” she messaged, before calling her repeatedly. “Answer, please … Are you all right? Please tell me you’re alright.”
Charlotte ended her life that night. She left a note for her parents that spoke about bullying from other students at her Strathfield private girls’ school, and told them life was too difficult to continue.
Sydney school student Charlotte, aged 12, took her own life a week ago.
“We lost our baby girl in the most awful of circumstances,” wrote one of her parents in a statement given to 2GB broadcaster Ben Fordham. “No words can ever describe what it’s like for us and life will never be the same again,” it said. The parents gave permission for their daughter’s first name and photograph to be used.
“She has left such a big hole in our lives, and she is so deeply, deeply missed.”
In another statement, Charlotte’s mother said she did not blame the other girls for her daughter’s death; she doesn’t want any more young lives lost. “They are also just little girls, they don’t understand,” she said. “Charlotte made a mistake [in] a moment of grief.”
Director of adolescent mental health institute The Kidman Centre, Rachael Murrihy, said suicide was complex. “Many factors contribute to most suicides.”
The 12-year-old’s family is critical of the response of the school, Santa Sabina, to the bullying. They say Charlotte disclosed sensitive personal information to other students, it was used against her, and they brought the situation to the school’s attention.
“When the most recent case of bullying was raised, the school simply said that they had investigated and the girls denied it,” the statement said. “That’s it, case closed. Well, my beautiful daughter’s life won’t move on, and I will never get to say goodbye.”
Charlotte’s family are critical of her school’s response to claims she was bullied.
The family told Fordham it had raised the issue “many times” over the past two years. They had taken Charlotte to therapy and to a doctor, and had been trying to find a new school. Charlotte told her mother that her body filled with pain “until my heart explodes”.
Santa Sabina’s principal, Paulina Skerman, issued a statement on Monday saying the college’s priority was to care for the school community during their grief, and it had provided counsellors, experts from mental health organisation Headspace, and chaplaincy services.
Skerman said claims about the circumstances leading to Charlotte’s death were inconsistent with the school’s records.
“In the outpouring of grief, as everyone rightly asks how this could have happened, the college asks the media to take immense care in reporting so that further issues are not created for other vulnerable young people in our community and beyond,” she said.
In 2023, 936 people in NSW took their own lives. Twenty-three of them were under 18. Of those, nine were girls and 14 were boys. On average, suicide has claimed about 26 minors a year since the NSW Suicide Monitoring System was introduced in 2020.
Experts say the most common risk factors for youth suicide are a mental health condition or a physical disability, but bullying, family problems and grief are also risk factors. It is rare only one factor is at play.
Bullying is an ongoing problem for families and schools, Murrihy said. “No one really knows what to do about it because it’s so nuanced,” she said. “Australia has the leading rates of bullying internationally.”
While the advice was once to avoid discussing suicide in case of contagion, Murrihy said experts now stressed the importance of discussing it with children and teens. Parents could start by asking children what they already knew, and trying to answer their questions.
A key message for children was that nothing was irresolvable, and families could find a solution together. “The important thing is when you have problems, you reach out to someone; problems can always be worked through,” Murrihy said.
Jakqui Barnfield, from Mental Health First Aid International – which works with schools on suicide prevention – offered condolences to the family and said adolescence was a time of profound emotional, physical and social change.
“For many, the pressures of academic performance, social change, social dynamics and personal identity can be overwhelming,” she said.
“Coupled with the growing influence of social media and the added impact of the pandemic, these pressures have contributed to a rise in mental health struggles among students, with rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts escalating among teenagers.
“We must ensure that schools are equipped with tools, training and resources to support students effectively.”
The suicide of a 14-year-old girl, Dolly Everett, in 2018 after an extended period of bullying, prompted her parents to found Dolly’s Dream, which aims to address the impact of bullying, anxiety, depression and youth suicide through education and direct support.
Support is available through Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800, Beyond Blue on 1300 224 636, Lifeline on 13 11 14, Sane on 1800 187 263, and Dolly’s Dream on 0488 881 033.
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