From his decades working in schools, Barker College principal Phillip Heath knows that parents talk. From a gossip at the school gates to trading rumours at the supermarket or while volunteering at the tuckshop.
“My experience is that it is an act of futility to attempt to stop or control that,” he says.
But for the past decade, gossiping parents have found a new home – the school WhatsApp group.
Barker College head Phillip Heath says parent WhatsApp groups have disrupted how schools communicate.Credit: Sam Mooy
“I become aware of comments about a situation, or a selection of a player, or the repertoire of the orchestra, or the result of a debate, or an official’s decision,” Heath says, adding that it “burns vigorously for a few moments and disappears”.
In years past, the source of truth about school business was typically the printed newsletter. Or parent-teacher night. A phone call to the school landline might be a last resort.
But now a new generation of parents, who became accustomed to a steady rhythm of photos and updates from their daycare centre, have children in school. They often possess different ideas about the ideal frequency and nature of school communication. And it isn’t always one way.
At their most pedestrian, WhatsApp groups are about play dates, sports uniforms and excursions.
“Hi … are anybody else’s kids upset with the school socks? Mine are really sensitive to the hard bits,” one Ascham parent posted in 2021.
Parents need to have a voice, Heath says, and discussions between parents are “almost always pretty sensible, pretty constructive” and, in his experience, almost never febrile, vicious or unhelpful.
But this year, parents’ WhatsApp messages have hit something of a disturbing crescendo.
Eastern suburbs private school Cranbrook had to write to parents on Monday to shut down a rumour mill in overdrive about exactly what happened at a school camp after parent discussions spilled over into national headlines.
“It has become apparent to me that there are rumours circulating which are wildly inaccurate and it is now significantly impacting both the wellbeing of the students involved and the broader school community,” Cranbrook’s acting head Michele Marquet told parents on Monday.
A mother and father were arrested by police in Britain this year after posting concerns about their daughter’s school in a parent chat.
One NSW public high school principal, who was not authorised to speak to media, said speculation and gossip in WhatsApp groups often highlighted something more insidious: the toxic way parents treated their children’s teachers.
“We’re in the education business – we actually know what we’re talking about,” the principal said, calling WhatsApp groups an “echo chamber whinge-fest”.
“It can be anything: ‘the school should not care about the colour of a kid’s shoes – surely there are bigger things to worry about’ or ‘they’re a crap maths teacher or that child shouldn’t be in the class’. They are like mean girls – it is nasty, bitchy stuff. It becomes like an online mob mentality.”
Child psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg said WhatsApp groups often amplified conflicts due to their immediacy and lack of face-to-face interaction, “which can lead to misunderstandings or escalations of negative behaviour, leading to the character assassination of teachers”.
Michael Carr-Gregg said the state government should set out guidelines around parents’ chat groups.Credit: Wayne Taylor
“I think the state government should mandate guidelines or codes of conduct for school-related online groups,” he said.
A private school principal, who also spoke on the condition of anonymity, said they had taken steps to remind parents what was posted could be considered defamatory.
“These aren’t activist groups – they’re parent WhatsApp groups. A lot of misinformation gets posted, a rumour gets started. Staff get shown these comments … It can be quite damaging to view that kind of commentary.”
Meriden head Lisa Brown said she welcomed the engaged parent community but would “much prefer for parents who have questions to contact the school directly for an answer rather than pitch it to the WhatsApp”.
Knox headmaster Scott James said they set clear expectations for parents and encouraged them to communicate directly with the school.
“We are prepared to have the difficult conversations on the rare occasion that it is necessary to call out behaviour inconsistent with our expectations ... parents usually understand and accept what we are saying,” he said.
NSW Parents’ Council president Rose Cantali said parents wanted to avoid their child being placed in a situation they could not get out of or that hurt them.
“Therefore, they’re going to be the warriors, they’re the soldiers battling anything that could be a threat to their safety,” she said.
The desire for parents to inject themselves into the minutiae of school life might be frustrating for teachers and principals. In an age where parents can track a child via their iPhone, it can be difficult to know when to step back.
Heath said letting go in age-appropriate ways was “an inexact silence”.
“And tech gives us the illusion that we’re in control,” he added.
But he said perhaps it might be wrong to blame parents for the instinct of wanting to be involved.
“I think schools are, in so many ways, magical places. We remember them with such mixed but profound emotions at times in our own lives – we want to just press our nose against the glass and look to see what’s happening in the life of our child.”
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