During the first Trump administration, Charles Haran of Noosa Heads (Qld) tried to decipher COVFEFE and arrived at the following: “Transposing one character to the right on a QWERTY keyboard makes COVFEFE = VPBGRGR which obviously means Vladimir Putin Blackmailing Give Roubles Great Russia. Although I’m not sure I have GR correct. It may mean Gut Republicans, Geriatric Revolution, Gonads Rusting or Gerbil Riot.”
Now, recent attempts at decoding MAGA (C8) have him scrolling back through Column 8 online: “I didn’t know there was so much! Each column either has Gran’s effigy or the C8 dinkus except for August 30, 2017 (where I described the real meaning of COVFEFE), which has a picture of Vladimir Putin looking a bit peeved that the secret is out about his hybrid warfare against Western democracies. BTW, does anyone know where to get the antidote to Novichok? I now think GR means ‘Government Ruin’, and I would guess MAGA means the wearer has Matriculated from the Acrimonious Gerbil Academy and is prone to Gerbil Riots.”
“I had a similar experience to Evan Bailey (C8) with language,” says Adela Parkes of Boat Harbour. “When collecting my daughter from boarding school in Brisbane to take her to an event, she asked if I could take the Romanians as well. I had no idea she had European classmates, but on meeting them, I found out they hailed from a property near Roma, Queensland.”
“On the banks of the Volga in Vulgaria, Evan Bailey, the juicy language of the Vulgars would be ripe Aryan,” adds George Manojlovic of Mangerton.
“Regarded as either a C8 deity or irritant, will gorgeous George’s European punditry (C8) confirm him as a Buddha Pest?” asks Chris Roylance of Paddington.
“In the UK, flies (C8) are much more introverted than their Australian counterparts,” says Pauline McGinley of Drummoyne. “Soon after arriving during the height of a Sydney summer, I can remember being totally perplexed and outraged that they kept landing on me when I was obviously still very much alive!”
Jo Rainbow of Orange may have drawn level with Renee Salaverry (C8): “Does it equate if all three pets, including Polly the dead budgie, have featured in Column 8? Polly’s inclusion was during the period when Column 8 was accused of bias towards certain contributors, so I changed my name on the submission. I can continue the theme of the dead parrot sketch if required.”
Column8@smh.com.au
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