What if there was a way to measure someone’s contempt? Now there is

“We have a new viral, toxic, almost lethal issue that almost no one has named,” says American leader Tim Shriver. “We have a cultural addiction to contempt. It is not a function of disagreement. It is human to disagree. It is not necessary to disagree with hatred.”

The incisiveness of this sliced me open when I read it. Shriver has become hell-bent on stripping dehumanising language and attitudes from public life and his mission is an increasingly important one. The contempt comes from all sides, is palpably worsening and corrosive.

Illustration by Dionne Gain

As Shriver, who is also a nephew of JFK, RFK and Ted Kennedy, says: “We are not torn apart by differences – we are torn apart by contempt”.

It’s not just the rarefied realm of politics, but on the streets, around dinner tables.

It would be difficult to find someone who doesn’t think the way we talk to – and about – each other and, especially, disagree with each other, has significantly worsened. Many studies testify to this – mounting disgust with political behaviour, ballooning distrust of leaders, science and institutions, anger, support for violence as a solution to disagreement.

But so many of us are tired of the ugliness, the hyperpartisanship, the polarisation. Tired of algorithms that profit from outrage. Just tired of it, trying to switch off somehow, meditate harder, sit with the sun on our backs, relish the small things. Not to distract, but strengthen.

Tim Shriver speaks at a dinner to celebrate the Special Olympics in the White House on Tuesday as President Joe Biden looks on.Credit: AP

There is a yawning gap between the decency we see so often from others in our daily lives, the love and respect we teach our children, and much of the nasty, juvenile nonsense we see on screens and in parliaments. A lot of commentary is just plain mean.

I don’t think we share the sharper edges and white-hot anger of the extremely partisan Americans here. But there are flashes of it, and signs of a contagious contempt being normalised. There will be many Australian family Christmases where talking politics could blow up the day.

Two in five Americans have argued with a family member and one in five has become estranged from them over controversial topics.

This is why I was curious about the work of Shriver, head of the American Special Olympics, and others, in creating a “dignity index” which enables people to use metrics by which they can assess the vitriol (or lack thereof) coming from their leaders and ask them to do better. Yes, we live in a climate of negativity – and yes, gloomy political campaigns can be effective in exploiting fears – but what if we tried another way, remembered what Paul Keating called the golden threads in our society, and demanded we pull on those instead?

We have to learn to disagree better.Credit:

The dignity index, created by a group called Unite, was grounded in research of behavioral sciences, communication, politics and social science.

A bipartisan panel ranks statements made by political leaders, media commentators and other prominent figures on television, social media and speeches according to how they frame other people. A score of one (contempt) means you see the other person as subhuman – even evil – thereby creating a moral necessity to attack and destroy them. A score of eight (dignity) means you refuse to hate, you view every person as having inherent worth and needing to be treated with dignity, and you have tried, as the cliched but true wisdom goes, to put yourself in their shoes. This also means you don’t impugn sinister motives, you just assess people by their statements and actions.

Here are some examples:

In January, Florida’s Governor, Ron DeSantis said on X, “The DC elites who facilitated this mess do not care about you, and they do not work for you. They work for themselves. They seek to accumulate power at your expense, to pursue an agenda that is harmful to the American people.” This scored three because it contained the meaning: “Those people hate us and want to hurt us.”

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis at the state Capitol in Tallahassee, Florida last year.Credit: AP

In the same month, Democrat Representative Dean Phillips told CNN that he met about 50 people while he was waiting in line at a Trump rally: “Every single one of them thoughtful, hospitable, friendly – all of them so frustrated that they feel nobody’s listening to them except Donald Trump.” The panel gave this a six – meaning they “can see the good in the other side”.

Some of the findings since the Dignity Index was launched two years ago have been fascinating. When people started using it, they began to question their own behaviour, and learn how contempt had crept into their own thinking. This is called the “mirror effect”. And even when panellists supported different candidates, they regularly agreed on dignity scores.

Utah’s republican governor, Spencer Cox, is frequently upheld as an example of someone who genuinely works on building bridges, who, when chair of the National Governor’s Association over the past year, introduced a “Disagree Better” initiative, trying to “forge alliances against partisan rancour”, and work together despite political differences.

Cox made an excellent ad with his Democratic rival Chris Peterson in his first gubernatorial bid in 2020. In it, the men said things like, while of course they wanted different election outcomes, there were some things they agreed upon: “we can debate issues without degrading each other’s character” – “we can disagree without hating each other” - and “win or lose in Utah, we work together” – “let’s show the country there’s a better way”.

The ad was so popular, says Cox, “I could actually feel my faith in the American idea start to rekindle. It seemed like there was a hunger for architects instead of arsonists.”

There is an urgency in Shriver’s message now, both in the US and here, before contempt fully contaminates our politics. Don’t just call people out but call them in. Don’t talk about another group but to another group. Fight for your principles but add another principle – treating others with dignity.

We need to listen to these architects, vote for them, elevate them, become them.

Julia Baird is a journalist, author and regular columnist.