Ranking the toilets at Sydney’s newest metro stations

Forget quicker commutes, cleaner trains and more regular services, the real signifier of a top-notch transport system is the bathrooms.

Here’s my rapid-fire reviews of the Sydney Metro facilities, ranked worst to best:

Central

They’ll try and gussy it up and tell you it’s brand new, but Central will always be Central. As you head from the platform to what I will call the “bathroom atrium”, you’re channelled through a mesmeric geometric installation that leaves you with the highest of hopes. Those hopes will be dashed. These bathrooms are the same-old, same-old we’ve come to expect from Sydney transport. One traveller must have become enraged at their bathroom experience because one of the doors has been almost ripped off its hinges. Great station design, great train service, bad loos. 2/10

Sydenham

For all the drama and design of the metro line, you would expect a little more from the Sydenham loos. They’re completely forgettable. If you asked a police sketch artist to draw a picture of a train station bathroom, it would be this one. They do the job, but leave a lot to be desired. 4/10

Victoria Cross

Despite the concerning “out-of-service” sign on one of the doors, these toilets were not bad. In fact, they were what the kids call “mid”. Terrazzo floors with a garish black trim, stark white tiles, and stainless-steel fittings. It has all the charm of a bathroom you have a mild panic attack in before a corporate job interview. The overuse of stainless steel may have been a mistake though, as by noon the whole bathroom was one big water stain. 6/10

Navigating the cavernous Martin Place station, one of the questions is: where’s the loo?Credit: Dion Georgopoulos

Martin Place

The bathrooms at Martin Place are a subterranean escape. Clad in stone and marble, and with a surprisingly enticing (and thankfully artificial) aroma, this bathroom was an absolute pleasure. It did lose marks for an open ceiling hatch above the urinals which would make for daunting use, as well as an automatic sensor tap that seemed to turn on and off on its own. Perhaps it’s just the ghost of train passengers past looking to freshen up on their commute. 6.5/10

Waterloo

For a station that has the word loo in the name, you go in with high expectations and in this case, I was pleasantly surprised. Each toilet is its own private little hotel room and the one I checked into was clean and sleek. White and yellow tiles were a lively combination, and there was a fabulous array of coat hooks, which is vital if you’ve ever had to balance a bag on your lap while rushing between trains. My only criticism is that the toilet faces the door, and while there is a big red light that glows when the door is locked, I will never trust Transport for NSW enough to believe that I won’t be walked in on mid-act. 8/10

It’s a long way up and down at the Crows Nest station.Credit: Steven Siewert

Crows Nest

Like the comforting embrace of a literal crow’s nest, these toilets were simply delightful. Black slate floors meet sea-foam tiles in this home away from home. All was almost perfect; however, the lighting situation is a mess. For all the work to create a peaceful environment, blaring spotlights casting harsh shadows on my delicate features was almost too much. A well-placed lamp, chandelier, or sconce would not have been unwarranted. I also must point out the hand dryer was almost impossible to locate. I had to squat down on the ground to find it hidden under the mirror. 8.25/10

The finishes are nice in the Barangaroo toilets, you might even want to stay the night. Credit: Wolter Peeters

Barangaroo

This bathroom can make you feel like you’re taking a minute to yourself during an awkward date at an overpriced restaurant. The finishes are nice, with terrazzo floors and sleek rippled walls that make you feel like you’re in a cocoon. There’s a big mirror and a sleek stainless-steel baby-changing table that will likely be covered in graffiti by the time you finish reading this sentence. There’s even a built-in stone shelf by the sink so you have a place to put your 13-step skincare routine. However, don’t get too comfortable, the doors automatically unlock after 20 minutes! 8.5/10

And the winner is … Gadigal

I’m going to say something controversial. For years people have said that the QVB has the best public toilet in the CBD, which I have never agreed with. To me, its Hogwarts-like charm has never lived up to the hype. Which is why I’m absolutely thrilled to announce that the QVB’s reign of tyranny is over.

Commuters arrive at Gadigal Station on the first day of the opening of the Metro M1 line.Credit: Janie Barrett

Gadigal’s bathrooms are top-notch. Sleek white finger tiles. Sensuous curving walls. Those weird Dyson faucets that look like airplanes and somehow have a built-in hand dryer. The sanitary bin even has its plastic factory stickers intact. It should be on every tourist’s must-see list and I look forward to never going into the QVB again. 9.5/10

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