‘You dill!’: The words too potty-mouthed for parliament. And the ones that aren’t

There’s a workplace where you can get away with calling your colleagues grubs and drongos, but bastard is a step too far.

Inside the walls of the Victorian parliament, there are strict rules on what politicians can wear and what they can say. So much so that there’s even a list of vocabulary deemed “unparliamentary”.

From left: Victorian Speaker Maree Edwards, Liberal MP Michael O’Brien and Labor’s Kathleen Matthews-Ward. Credit: Monique Westermann

Some of the words to have made their way onto the naughty list over the decades are unsurprising: rorter, prick, liar and bullshit. Any politician caught uttering those words into a microphone in the lower house would, under normal circumstances, receive a warning or be forced to withdraw their remark.

But there are also, some would argue, less offensive entries on the naughty list – like dill, bastard or patsy.

Dill, aside from being a common herb, is Aussie slang for someone who is naive or foolish. Some dictionaries suggest it’s a 19th century blend of “daft” and “silly”. Whatever its true etymology, the word was deemed unparliamentary in Victoria in 2004.

A patsy, meanwhile, is someone who is easily taken advantage of. “Patsy” was deemed unparliamentary as late as 2022 during a debate about the control of wild horse populations.

The Age’s crossword guru, David Astle, who also writes this masthead’s WordPlay column, says he’s sad that 21st century politicians can’t call each other dills.

“Nobody needs genitalia on the floor, so banning prick makes sense,” Astle told The Sunday Age.

“But dill? Not just harmless, but also very Australian. The kind of gibe a parent might say to their tween when they wear their shirt inside-out, a fond tsk-tsk.

“Banishing ‘bastard’ breaks my heart [though]. Some of my best friends are bastards in the best kind of way. Be they old bastards, streaky bastards, ungrateful bastards.”

The Age’s crossword guru David Astle thinks “grub” and “cretin” – not “dill” and “bastard” – should be banned on the floor of Victorian parliament.Credit: Simon Schluter

Then there are the words that state politicians can get away with. “Grub” is a particular favourite, and was a go-to insult for ex-premier Daniel Andrews and former Liberal MP Tim Smith. Sometimes it is ruled against, and sometimes it is not.

Hansard is also littered with Coalition MPs calling the other side “cretins” – a synonym for idiots – without being pulled into line.

And Broadmeadows Labor MP Kathleen Matthews-Ward even got away with calling those opposite “drongos” – slang for incompetent people – during a debate about nuclear energy earlier this year (she did pre-emptively apologise of her own accord, though).

Astle insists “grub” is a stronger insult than “dill”. You’re not just calling someone a bit daft – you’re bringing into question that person’s very character by labelling them dirty or despicable.

“Drongo is fine – the ocker snub for nincompoops, named after a winless racehorse – but grub and cretin are shockers. Both should be ousted from the glossary. Grub is shorthand for lowlife, the kind of person who’d steal money from a donation tin.”

For Liberal MP Michael O’Brien, who has used “grub” a few times in the chamber, that’s exactly the point.

“I always try to be nice, but sometimes the hypocrisy we hear in the chamber would test the patience of a saint, let alone that of the member for Malvern,” O’Brien said.

“‘Grub’ has the benefit of being a four-lettered word that won’t get you suspended. And when someone found to have rorted their parliamentary allowance at taxpayers’ expense starts to sound off about integrity, sometimes the term ‘grub’ is perfectly apt.”

Matthews-Ward told The Sunday Age she’d happily take suggestions on words besides drongo that she could weave into debates.

“I like to sneak in some old Australian slang every now and then just to make sure it doesn’t disappear forever. Words we heard our dads and grandads use. Keeps them alive, too.”

Monash University’s Dr Howard Manns, a senior lecturer in linguistics, said there was very little agreement when it came to insults – particularly across time and geography.

After all, British politicians are banned from calling each other a “stoolpigeon” or a “guttersnipe”. You won’t find “stoolpigeon” in Victoria’s Hansard anywhere over the past few decades, while “guttersnipe” has been uttered just once.

“We Aussies like a bit of good-natured, playful teasing,” Manns said. “I think you’d be as hard-pressed to get this out of politics as you would to get this out of Australian culture.”

Manns said this love of playful mockery could account for “drongo” being allowed in parliament but “dill” being banned. He and Monash colleague Dr Kate Burridge have surveyed more than 2000 Australians for a project on Aussie slang and, of those, about half gave “drongo” as their word of choice for “silly” or “stupid”.

“Many of these people said that they didn’t use this word seriously – it was mostly used when joking or performing an Australian identity,” Manns said. “Drongo’s ubiquitousness compared to ‘dill’ means that it’s probably lost some of its negative oomph through sheer use.”

A spokeswoman for Victorian Speaker Maree Edwards stressed that while some insults might be fine in particular contexts, that could well change, particularly if the word was used with “real animosity”.

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