‘I’m watching you bitch’: How even the smart fridge is being used as a weapon of family violence

In one day’s work last week, former detective Steve Wilson and his team removed four spy pens, one Apple AirTag tracker, and virtual access by an abusive man to a woman’s kitchen, to which he was sending threatening messages on her smart-fridge screen.

The tracker and camera pens – enabling the abuser to record video to a tiny USB stick – had all been placed on one woman trying to escape family violence, but that is by no means a record.

Steve Wilson from Protective Group.Credit: Justin McManus

“One woman had eight AirTags on her car, all numbered and categorised, and spyware on her phone,” said Wilson, whose company, Protective Group, sweeps the homes, cars and possessions of women leaving family violence crisis accommodation.

“Another lady’s home had approximately 12 hidden cameras.”

Two days after Wilson’s son, Tristan, removed access to the Samsung Smart Fridge of a woman whose abuser was using the app to write things to her like “I’m watching you, bitch, I can see what you’re doing” on its notepad feature, the younger Wilson experienced first-hand how closely monitored some victim-survivors are.

On Friday, as he was removing the spyware which enabled the abuser to see and hear what the woman did on her phone at home in regional Victoria, it dawned on Tristan the man would most likely be aware his access was being cut, and might come around to confront her. Which he did.

“You can open the camera and microphone remotely [with spyware] and he’d seen me working on the phone,” Tristan said. The man lives about 30 minutes away in a different country town.

“Thirty minutes later, he arrived in an aggressive manner,” Tristan said.

Was he intimidated? “No, they’re usually OK with us; it’s the woman they want to get,” he said.

He activated the duress alarm he has on his watch, and police arrived quickly and served the man with an intervention order that had been issued by a magistrate on Tuesday but not yet served because police had been unable to find him.

This is not an unusual scenario. About once a month, Tristan has a perpetrator of family violence who has been stalking or monitoring a woman turn up as he disconnects their feed into the homes of the woman they want to control and keep living in fear.

People march in Ballarat on April 12 to protest against the killings of three women in two months in the region, allegedly by men.Credit: Eddie Jim

“There seems to be a lot more [of these events] recently,” he said. “Because there are a lot more Wi-Fi camera systems, and doorbells that are compromised. [The perpetrator] will often see us within five or 10 minutes.”

One recent client of crisis support agency Safe Steps, whose car had been cleared of multiple surveillance devices, was escorted by police and Safe Steps to her home to collect belongings. The following day, when she left a radiology appointment, her perpetrator was there; he had put three new devices into her car while the group was inside the house.

In 12 years’ working to help keep women physically and psychologically safe from men who stalk, follow and monitor them – which research suggests is a very strong indication they are likely to escalate to use of potentially lethal violence – Steve Wilson has worked with somewhere between 20,000 and 30,000 women.

Victorian woman Celeste Manno was stabbed to death in her bedroom by a man who had stalked her intensively after meeting her at work. Luay Sako was sentenced to 36 years’ jail on February 29.

As the nation protests against the fact one woman is being killed just over every four days in 2024 – often by a man who is a partner or ex – Wilson is as frustrated as many working in the women’s safety sector that strategies and policies in place are not keeping more women safe.

“I’ve seen 12 people this week, women with stitches all over their heads,” he said.

Wilson is, however, encouraged by signals that stronger responses to the breaking of intervention orders may be on the table as the Victorian government’s newly announced taskforce on violence against women starts discussions, but he feels more practical measures are required.

Assistant Commissioner Lauren Callaway, the head of Victoria Police’s Family Violence Command, said this week that the organisation’s 2015 proposal to Victoria’s family violence royal commission that a register of offenders be created to give women the “right to ask” if men posed a threat to them should be back on the table.

She pointed out that in 2023, for the first time, more homicides of women were perpetrated by ex-partners than current partners.

The number of charges for contravening family violence intervention orders has also been steadily climbing year on year. In the 2020-21 financial year, 7493 people were charged and brought before a magistrates’ court. In 2021-22, 10,601 were charged, and in the past financial year, that figure was 11,917. Perpetrators were overwhelmingly male and most walked away with a fine.

Wilson agrees safety strategies should be turned towards keeping men who would seriously harm women away from their intended victims.

“We’ve got to shift the focus; a lot of people over the last few years have hung their hats on plans and symposiums, but we need stronger bail laws and stronger intervention orders, and more police training around stalking – which is the big red flag,” Wilson said.

“The focus [of the national family violence discussion] has shifted from physical violence to coercive control, but we need to just keep people safe in their homes and when they’re not at home; all those practical solutions to remove the perpetrator’s ability to commit the abuse.”

His group does “50 to 60 jobs a week just in Melbourne where we’re going out and removing trackers”.

The cheap devices and software intended for benign means like ensuring kids are safe have been weaponised by family violence stalkers, who have been known to place them in soft toys, glassware, down the sleeves of puffer jackets or in the heels of shoes, says Dr Chelsea Tobin, chief executive of the 24/7 crisis service Safe Steps.

“Spy companies are becoming a lot more sinister and packing more tech into smaller everyday items,” she said. “We are seeing an explosion in the use of hidden cameras behind black glass in USB charging ports, battery packs, glassware, digital clocks.”

Tech use by family violence perpetrators was “the major frontier” in the fight against violence, Tobin said. Because it was changing so quickly, “responses need to engage corporates, banks, telcos to ensure they aren’t inadvertently facilitating abuse”.

“AI will change the landscape further very quickly,” she said.

Tobin said there needed to be more consultation and co-operation between the domestic violence sector and the telecommunications industry, so women were able to more safely and easily use new mobile technologies.

“Developers of smartphone technologies, such as Apple and Google, need to ensure that there are easier and clearer ways to minimise the possibilities of being stalked and tracked with their products,” she said.

Safety strategies for those who think they may be under surveillance by a perpetrator

Trust your instincts and seek professional support if you need advice, as disrupting controlling behaviour can increase risks. If you feel it is safe for you to do so, here are some general tips that may be helpful:

• Use a safe computer at a library, internet cafe, university etc.
• Turn off location settings to mobile phone and any other devices.
• Delete any apps you don’t use or don’t know what they do.
• Dispose of any devices set up by or registered to the perpetrator. Devices set up using a perpetrator’s email address, Google account or Apple ID may be used to locate people.
• Limit use of social media, review the privacy settings on social media accounts and limit what information is publicly shared.
• Change the passwords on all online accounts, particularly if you have ever logged into them from a device the perpetrator has continued access to.
• Cease use of any accounts that are shared with perpetrator or that perpetrator may have access to, including shared email accounts, bank accounts, mobile phone accounts, online phone records, Centrelink, Medicare and myGov accounts, e-tag accounts etc.
• Cease use of any store cards or myki cards that perpetrator had access to while in service.

Tobin and Wilson said it was important that perpetrators knew their methods were understood, and that women knew to look out for such surveillance techniques. “This will empower victims and tell perpetrators they are on notice,” Wilson said.

If you or someone you know is affected by sexual assault, domestic or family violence, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 or the crisis line at Safe Steps.

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