Meghan made strawberry jam and her mates have lost their minds

Someone, quick, please explain why Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex’s strawberry jam is giving me the irrits. So het up am I that even my favourite powdered collagen being on sale has been no balm.

To recap for those who may not be across why a jar of jam went viral, the Duchess of Domesticity unveiled it as the first product in her American Riviera Orchard – I know, so excellent – line. In jars labelled in a run of 50, nestled in clay bowls amid lemons and flowers, the jam was dispatched to influencer friends.

If said friends were unsure what to do with something sugary that’s usually slathered on carbs, they kept their composure admirably. Actually, that’s not true. They lost their minds, sharing photos of the jam with love-wins social media messages to their girl “M”.

Former Suits co-star Abigail Spencer (jar No.6) beamed rapturously in her garden, jam clasped to her bosom like an infant rescued from an earthquake site. Spencer’s expression was akin to what you’d look like if someone had sent you a $5 million Net-a-Porter voucher, or you had won Wimbledon for the first time at age 57.

“This jam is my jam. A delicious taste of what’s to come … love you so M,” Spencer wrote on Insta. Actor Mindy Kaling got jar 19: “Obsessed,” she posted.

Gawd.

While the OTT reactions to being given a school fete staple tickled my fancy, overall Meghan’s jam made me scratchy. Any mental health professionals out there – or just anyone with, say, a sense of perspective – feel free to chip in now. Meanwhile, here’s my take.

Meghan (pictured with husband Prince Harry earlier this month) is launching a jam.Credit: AP

Jam is not a croquembouche. It’s not knowledge sharing. But judging by Meghan’s preview video for American Riviera Orchard, she sees being able to put flowers into vases or cook from scratch as rare and powerful juju. She’s trying to elevate everyday chores to aspirational rich lady skills.

As a friend said, it feels very Goop 2.0, with throw rugs instead of vaginal steamers. But while Gwyneth Paltrow does her lifestyle brand with a sly wink that she’s in on the privilege joke, Meghan is unfailingly earnest.

Remember her sign-off when she closed her blog The Tig in 2017? “You my sweet friend, you are enough.” Bahahaha. Now she’s keen to show she’s still giving and giving.

Look, I’m not like regular duchesses. I heat up fruit and stick it in a jar! And don’t start me on my pancakes. Maybe jam is a status symbol in Montecito circles? Thought bubble above the head of any Aussie who got a pot: “This is so awkward.”

I’m happy to consider the idea it’s not just the flaming jam that is creating low levels of possibly unreasonable rage. Maybe, it’s more cumulative. The mouse that sank the boat.

Quick internal scan of what else bugged me this week.

Arj Barker Babygate. Hmm. Public breastfeeding is a hill I would die on. I humblebrag constantly about having breastfed my children until they were on the cusp of solving the Fibonacci sequence. But the seven-month-old in question looked ready to sit up to a steak dinner at home if the mother milk bar popped out. And my advice to anyone saying they went out to feel like their old self again would be: Lady, put on your lippie, grab your BFF and leave the kid behind. Enjoy.

Anthony Albanese setting off on the Kokoda Track for an Anzac Day trek. Wonderful initiative. But the PM’s delivery about walking “in the footsteps of giants” had the stolid emotion of him memorising a shopping list before burning up to the IGA. Anyone else feel that instead of always trying to sound statesmanlike, Albo could do with a bit of razzmatazz?

Kanye West’s manipulation of his “wife”, Bianca Censori. Beyonce’s god-awful trashing of Jolene. Rishi Sunak ruining adidas Sambas for everyone else. The smell of vapes. People Facetiming on trams. The commercialisation of menopause. Puppacinos. Pronouncing Christian as Chrishtian.

Perhaps only something truly incredible and precious will fix me. Like a dollop of homemade jam. Meghan, are you there?

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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