The supposed ‘compliment’ I never want to hear again

Three people have recently said to me: “Richard, you look like you’ve lost weight.” They mean it as a compliment, of course, and smile winningly when they say it, as if losing weight is an accomplishment for which I should feel proud, like winning an award or passing an exam.

I have a couple of problems with this. Unless it’s a project I’ve announced to friends, the loss of two or three kilos should not be seen as an index of my worth. If people wish to pay me a compliment, they could instead mention my relative absence of body odour, the admiration I have for my dog, or the assiduous way I sort my recyclables.

“You’ve lost so much weight, you must be so proud!” Why do people feel the need to tell me this?Credit: iStock photo

Second problem: I haven’t lost weight. I’m the same weight as I’ve been for decades. I’m five kilos over what might be recommended by a doctor.

OK, by a forgiving doctor.

OK, by a doctor who’s themselves carrying a few extra kilos.

So how come the compliments? I’ve worked out the cause. I share it here, as others may have experienced being complimented on a weight reduction which is yet to occur.

Here’s the truth: my friends have a mental image of me as being incredibly overweight.

Maybe they have secret nicknames for me, such as “Richard the Chubster” or “Old Fatty Glover”, and then they happen upon me, perhaps coming around a corner in the supermarket, and see a person within the standard human range, actually quite normal looking, not remarkable at all, and so out it comes: “My god, congratulations, Richard, you’ve lost so much weight. You must be so proud.”

In recent times – these “compliments” have been going on since my 30s – the acquaintances then ask: “How did you do it?” It’s a question that involves an unstated accusation: “It must be Ozempic, or something similar! Old Fatty Glover would never have achieved this on his own!”

At this point, caught in aisle six of the supermarket, I look into my trolley wishing I hadn’t purchased so much bacon, and chirp my answer: “Oh, just exercise and healthy living.”

I then head for the next aisle.

The English language is such a strange beast. So many of our familiar expressions mean the opposite of what they appear to say.

Just like “you look thin” really means “you’re fat”, so the corporate world phones with what they say is “a courtesy call”, but there’s no courtesy involved. It’s about their desire to be paid. And if you don’t pay, they’ll cut off your power, or credit, or insurance cover, which, in the end, doesn’t sound courteous (well, not excessively so).

Same with the email, much received, that begins: “A gentle reminder ...” Read on and you’ll find what happens if you don’t act on their “gentle reminder” – bailiffs, court action and penury.

Or there’s “I’m humbled”, that standard phrase of the politician elected to high office, the Nobel Prize scientist, or the film star clutching an Oscar.

“I’m humbled”, they say, but why would they be feeling humble? Their ego has just been given an enormous boost. “I’m humbled”, it seems to me, actually means: “How marvellous to receive this ego-boosting news. Other people, it’s now clear, have an opinion of me that is almost as elevated as my own.”

Maybe it would be better if we just said what we mean to say.

Of course, once the person is famous due to this “humbling” award, it’s only a matter of time before they really will be humbled. This will be done by a journalist who’ll begin their question with the words: “With respect ...”

It’ll go something like this: “With respect, prime minister/opposition leader, you’ve told the Australian people a series of lies, going back to your first years in parliament, and even now refuse to pay the public the courtesy of admitting your deep-seated instinct for dishonesty.”

How is that question delivered “with respect”? When I look up “with respect” in my “Dictionary of Truthful Definitions”, I find it actually means: “Brace yourself, prime minister/opposition leader, because I’m about to mount a vicious, unfair, libellous, attack on your whole character.”

“With respect” is a shape-shifting phrase. Of which there are many.

Among them: “No offence, but I think ...” Or: “I’m not a racist, but ...” Or: “I don’t mean to get people’s knickers in a knot, all the same ...”

The trouble is that the phrase “no offence” always heralds something offensive. The phrase “not a racist” always precedes something racist. And the person who doesn’t want anyone’s knickers in a knot, wants knotted knickers everywhere.

Maybe it would be better if we just said what we mean to say.

“Richard, I’ve always thought of you as terribly overweight, but here in the bright lights of Woolworths, I see you’re really not so bad.”

Or: “Thanks for the Oscar. And not a minute too soon. I’ve been waiting so long for my genius to be recognised.”

Or: “I’ve never thought of myself as a racist, but when I consider what I’m about to say, I have a sudden insight, maybe I am that person.”

Meanwhile, dear reader, I do think that you look absolutely terrific.

Which, according to my Dictionary of Truthful Definitions, means: “Because last time we metv ...”

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