Small talk can help boost your career. Here’s how to do it well

Chitchatting about the weather or exchanging niceties may feel superficial and a waste of time. But if done right, small talk might help you with your career.

Researchers who have studied small talk say there’s a big benefit in regularly engaging in casual conversation. It helps build the foundation for deeper, more serious discussions, which can have cascading effects on your career and work. It can improve your well-being and connection to others.

Seeing small talk as an opportunity for long-term connection can be a helpful mental adjustment. Credit: iStock

“Big things happen in small talk,” says Matt Abrahams, who teaches strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School of Business. “It’s the way we connect and learn about ourselves and others and how to collaborate with people.”

But small talk can feel awkward and we can all use some help. Follow these expert tips.

Reframe your thinking

Change how you think about small talk. Instead of giving in to your nerves and doubts, give yourself the chance to interact.

“Social interaction creates anxiety in all of us,” says Nicholas Epley, professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago’s Booth School of Business. “You just can’t see it in others … so you think you feel it more.”

We often overestimate our awkwardness and assume others are judging us, says Jessica Methot, an associate professor at Rutgers University who has researched the effects of small talk. But everyone is busy worrying about how they’re perceived, Epley and Methot say. The benefits are worth it.

“Even introverts felt more connected to others and more energised,” Methot says.

Start with easy targets

Start with your trusted circles. Spark a quick-passing conversation with friends and family, or even that lady you see at the dog park, experts say.

Once you’re comfortable, extend that to your close teammates, says Dom Price, an Atlassian leader who explores the future of work. Look for opportunities to have small talk at work, Epley says. Ask if you can join someone sitting alone at lunch or say hi to people on your way to the kitchen to open the door for conversation. The more you do it, the easier it will become.

Make yourself a target by adding personal details in your company profiles, Price says. Your description in Slack could include hobbies to encourage others to connect.

Consider professional development social clubs or career coaching, says Allison Gabriel, professor at the Mitch Daniels School of Business at Purdue University and faculty director of the school’s Centre for Working Well.

“There’s a fleet of people around to help,” she says.

Don’t panic

Relax and be yourself. Try to enjoy it.

If you struggle with anxiety, take a few deep belly breaths to calm the nerves or carry a cold glass of water to keep yourself from perspiring, Abrahams says. It’s easy to overthink it, says Gabriel, but keep it light. Think about generic, open-ended questions such as: “What are your weekend plans?”

Set a goal for the conversation to ease your nerves. For example, at a networking event, you could seek out small bits of information that might help you do your job better. Use the power of paraphrasing to enter a conversation already in progress.

Focus on others

Be curious, authentic and empathetic. Actively take interest in learning something, however small, about the other person. This helps build a connection that could lead to bigger conversations or deeper relationships.

Small talk is a two-way street so if someone asks you a question or tells you something, follow up. You can reverse the question (I’m doing well. What about yourself?) or express interest by saying “tell me more about that,” Abrahams says.

Start with an observation or compliment, Epley says. Focusing on another person versus yourself helps dial down anxiety. You can also mention something relatable about yourself like a sports game or TV show you saw, Price says.

“Once you do that, you realise that people have things to tell you, you have things to learn from them, and they’re interesting,” he says.

When working remotely, you may need to be more deliberate in making space for small talk.Credit: iStock

Watch what you say and do

Small talk is meant to be quick and pleasant, so don’t get too heavy or spicy.

Stay away from strong, polarising opinions or controversial topics, experts say. And try not to be judgy.

“When someone says they love Sex and the City, don’t roll your eyes,” Price says. “Embrace it.”

Avoid unloading. If you’re not sure how much to divulge, give the other person the option to choose whether to dive in or move on, Gabriel says. For example, you can say, “It’s been an interesting day.”

Limit or balance negative or critical comments, says Price. “Don’t allow it to devolve into gossip or venting,” Methot says.

Watch your nonverbal cues. Keep your stance open and nod your head to show interest, Abrahams says. Don’t scroll on your phone, Price says. Make room for others to join, and invite them in if you see them lingering.

To gracefully exit, you can set the stage beforehand by saying you have something to tend to in a few minutes before starting, Gabriel says. Think “brief and fleeting,” Gabriel says.

Connect virtually

In-person small talk reigns supreme, as emotional connections, energy transfer, nonverbal cues and the sense of presence are stronger, experts say. But virtual small talk is better than none.

Join or create, if your company allows, social channels on your company’s communication platforms, experts say. That will allow you and your fellow cat-loving colleagues to casually connect. Start meetings early or begin each meeting with a few minutes of small talk to boost people’s sense of belonging, experts say. But don’t make it mandatory or schedule extra Zooms for small talk, Methot says.

If you spend a lot of time working alone regularly check in with colleagues. Also ask yourself if you’re feeling particularly disconnected.

“The easiest thing to do is not talk to someone else when we’re overwhelmed,” Methot says. “But that’s much more depleting than taking a break, talking to someone and going back feeling re-energised.”

Washington Post

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