Reuben Kaye: ‘Women have always been a safe place for me’

Reuben Kaye is a musician and comedian who is best known for his drag cabaret shows. The 39-year-old shares his memories of his grandmother who is a self-described “witch”, his relatable celebrity crush during high-school and his fond memory of fellow comedian Cal Wilson.

“I came out so quickly after that, at the age of 14. When I told Mum it wasn’t exactly unexpected.”

My paternal grandmother, Roza Krum, didn’t speak a lot of English. She was a statuesque woman who also painted, sang songs and liked banging pots and pans. She described herself as a “witch” in Stalinist Russia and married my grandfather in a labour camp, where they built railroads. She died in 2014 – a fighter to the end.

My maternal grandmother, Elfriede, was a fashion designer who ran an atelier at 88 Collins Street, Melbourne. She was a finalist for Gown of the Year in 1963. I never met her but discovered a taffeta dress with a swooping low back sitting in my mum’s cupboard and tried it on.

My mum, Karin, grew up with staunch communist parents who made her sing The Internationale as a 10-year-old. Elfriede later escaped East Berlin for Australia in 1951 and took Mum with her, but had to leave her son behind. She was traumatised as a result and died by suicide when my mother was 18.

Mum went in and out of foster care after that. She had a go at acting, appearing in the 1970 Ned Kelly movie starring Mick Jagger. She never liked herself on the screen, even though she’s drop-dead gorgeous. Even so, she sent a tape to a film school in London and won a scholarship.

Mum met my dad, Lazar [Krum], when they were both squatting in Mayfair, London. Dad was a painter, a contemporary of Mirka Mora. My parents married in Greenwich, UK, and both are wearing jeans in the wedding photo. They divorced when I was eight and remain good friends.

My amazing stepmum, Diana, has little to do with the arts world but is an avid consumer of it. She is fabulous and the love of my dad’s life. Both of my parents say they had a great marriage, had two kids [Reuben and his brother, Sam] and then got to meet the loves of our lives.

I grew up very close to my mum, one of the strongest and fiercest people in the world. She is respected in her industry and loved by everyone around her. She taught me how to sew – how to hem a trouser and shank a button – when I was 10.

My first kiss happened with a girl – I was trying to convince everyone she was my girlfriend. I came out so quickly after that, at the age of 14. When I told Mum it wasn’t exactly unexpected.

I also have ball-busting women I adore managing my career – my tour manager and producer. In many ways, I am very much on the nipple!

REUBEN KAYE

My favourite teachers were always female. At Greythorn Primary in Balwyn North, Mrs Blampied had a mullet and big glasses and rode her motorbike around Australia. She didn’t take any shit. Miss Barowski was another favourite. I used to run away from Balwyn High School and back to her primary school in year 7 because I was being bullied. She was a great comfort.

I had a celebrity crush on actor Chad Michael Murray from the TV show One Tree Hill. When I was trying to be straight, I had my schoolbooks covered in pictures of Leelee Sobieski. She was an arthouse actress, which only helped the gay in me scream louder.

Women have always been a safe place for me, my allies, friends and companions. I still have two best female friends from high school I speak with regularly. I also have ball-busting women I adore managing my career – my tour manager and producer. In many ways, I am very much on the nipple!

A relationship would be lovely and I am open to it, but at the moment I don’t know if I could hold up my end of the bargain because all I do is tour. I would need somebody who is incredibly comfortable with themselves and our situation.

I know I don’t want a child. I am fulfilled by having nieces and nephews and the best part is I can always give them back to their parents after I get them on a sugar high.

I was lucky to know the late comedian Cal Wilson. I went on Q&A in June 2023 and, in a panic about my appearance, sent her a message. Cal coached me through how to deal with it. She was a beautiful, selfless human being who wanted to make things better – and she did.

See Reuben Kaye’s show Apocalipstik at Adelaide Fringe Festival, Melbourne International Comedy Festival and Sydney Comedy Festival.

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