‘No one had ever asked me a question like that’: Hetti Perkins on artist child Thea

Hetti Perkins, 57, an art curator and writer, and her daughter Thea Anamara Perkins, 31, an artist, are Arrernte and Kalkadoon women. Theirs is a close and loving relationship, but it almost came unstuck in the Louvre.

“Our relationship is one of total understanding,” says Thea Anamara Perkins of her mother, Hetti. “I can talk to her about anything knowing that she understands me better than I understand myself in many ways.”Credit: Lisa Hatzimihail

Hetti: When Thea was born, we called her “Spooky” because she was a spooky little baby – quiet, watchful, observant and nocturnal. I still call her Spook. It suits her looks as well – her beautiful porcelain skin, dark hair and dark eyes.

Thea’s a mix of light and dark, of contrasts. She was a calm, thoughtful child, but if something excited her, some creative stimulus, she’d have an almost visceral reaction. She’s still like that. Her older brother Tyson sees her at music gigs getting on stage and crowd-diving. I’ve tried to encourage the perceptive, introspective side and help her manage the frenetic, creative side.

She was very serious about drawing from a young age – she’d get all bent out of shape if the colour wasn’t just right. She also writes beautifully and a lot of her drawings had text in them, too. She once drew a person laughing with a little riff about what laughter is. She likes people to engage with her art, to give her feedback, because she puts so much of herself into it. It’s been wonderful for me to be able to do that. Even now, she’ll send me photos of works in progress and ask my opinion.

“It’s been intriguing for me as a parent to raise this almost otherworldly creature. I’ve had to work out how best to support her to live a life not bound by convention.”

Hetti Perkins

When Thea was 13, I took her to Paris on a work trip. She was in her element, skipping down boulevards, looking like she belonged there. She insisted we visit every art gallery and museum, and she’d get frustrated if I couldn’t maintain her level of interest. In the Renaissance Hall at the Louvre, she kept giving me mini-lectures about the artists until I just had to sit down. “What have you got against the Renaissance?” she asked me, very loudly. No one had ever asked me a question like that before.

Thea’s very empathetic. For years, she had no contact with her dad, who has mental health issues and has been homeless. When we found him again in her teens, she was keen to hang out with him and have him understand that she accepted who he was with no judgment.

Our house was always full of interesting, creative people and Thea loved engaging in deep, intellectual conversations with them. Not everyone has that attention span, especially not teenage girls, so she struggled at school. Because she’s so compassionate, it can be hard when people don’t show her the same sensitivity. She’s learnt to manage her expectations.

We share a love of reading and political satire, like the Betoota Advocate. If I’m writing an essay, I’ll often send it to her because she has such great ideas; she’ll consider it carefully and give me her insights. Thea is very perceptive and people like her can struggle if they’re not supported. I’d like to think I’ve done that for her. I’ve also tried to support her as an artist, giving her an allowance when she was starting, so she didn’t have to get a job, and giving advice. Maybe the artworks she does celebrating family [many of Thea’s paintings are based on family photos], are her beautiful way of saying thank you.

It’s been intriguing for me as a parent to raise this almost otherworldly creature. I’ve had to work out how best to support her to live a life not bound by convention. Last year, when I spoke at my son’s wedding, I said that we have friends who are family and family who are friends. That’s how it is with Thea.

Thea with her winning paintings from the 2023 La Prairie Art Award. “Maybe the artworks she does celebrating family are her beautiful way of saying thank you,” says Hetti.Credit: Brook Mitchell

Thea: Our family was very close growing up because Mum was a single mum with four kids close in age; I’m the second. It was a vibrant household – chaotic at times – but always interesting. The house was always full of people – visiting artists and my older brother’s friends. Mum loves nurturing people.

School was tough for me. We grew up in Sydney and I won an Indigenous scholarship to a private girls’ school. I was ostracised – not so much by overt racism, more the implicit kind that comes from viewing the world differently. Mum taught me to celebrate what was unique about me, to view my differences as strengths. She’s a wonderful listener.

Mum and I have always been super close. I’m very sensitive and she’s always given me space for that. Our relationship is one of total understanding. I can talk to her about anything – even little things, like negotiating issues at work – knowing that she understands me better than I understand myself in many ways.

I started drawing young. My grandma Eileen, Mum’s mum, would pick us up from school and take us to the Art Gallery of NSW where Mum was working [as a senior curator] and I’d do drawings in her office. When I was eight, I made one of a candle in a dark room and she pinned it up in her office. I felt so proud that she worked there. [Thea won the gallery’s La Prairie Art Award in March.]

“With four kids, there were always lots of parent-teacher evenings. She’d say, ‘If I have to go, I’m only talking to the art teachers.’”

Thea Perkins

Mum always encouraged me to lean into art as a way of channelling my emotions. I’d say, “I like that painting” and Mum would ask why, encouraging me to think about the theory and unpack things conceptually. Mum has given me a wonderful insight into the art world and that has made me very cognisant of who I want to be as an artist. I’m so grateful for that.

We all owe her so much for how she navigated the challenges she faced as a single mum, raising four kids and working full-time. Mum’s dad [Indigenous activist Charles Perkins] died when I was eight, then my stepdad, Lee, died a few years later, and that was a very tough period for Mum, but she insulated us from that and was always on an even keel emotionally.

Mum never says no if someone needs help, even if it’s a place to stay. She’s generous with her time when artists ask for her support, even though she’s always so busy. She makes people feel safe. If she doesn’t want to do something, she won’t do it – or she’ll do it her way. With four kids, there were always lots of parent-teacher evenings. She’d say, “If I have to go, I’m only talking to the art teachers.”

[e-mail]

To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.