‘It’s all on the cards’: Chantelle Otten on her and Dylan Alcott’s future plans

Chantelle Otten is a sexologist and the author of The Sex Ed You Never Had. The 32-year-old opens up about her ADHD diagnosis, her relationship with her siblings, and why Dylan is a “magical human being”.

“I had an eating disorder at 21. It took a big toll on the family.” Credit: Cybele Malinowski

My maternal grandfather, Cornelius Jan, migrated to Australia with my oma, Greta, and together they opened a potato chip factory in Victoria in 1960. My mother, Veronica, helped run the business after my grandfather died from cancer in 1987.

My paternal grandfather, Petrus Otten, or Piet, was born in 1906 and had four children. He was 53 when Papa [Henricus] was born. He worked as an engineer and commander of the volunteer fire brigade in Breda [in the Netherlands] during and after World War II. He was highly decorated for services to the Dutch community. He died when my father was 12.

Dad’s a tall guy, 200 centimetres, who moved to Australia at 22. He taught us how to ride motorcycles and collects vintage cars – we race his cars together. He is an absolute go-getter who helped built women’s refugees and schools in PNG when we were kids.

I have a sister, Stephanie, 11 months older than me, who has an intellectual disability. When Dad found out she was disabled he made sure she could live a beautiful big life and never be without.

I was diagnosed with ADHD and have a similar directness to my dad. It can catch people off guard. Dad is also a very emotional person, and he has a sixth sense. He calls me on the days I feel most distressed and makes it better and sorts it out.

I have two younger brothers, Alex, 30, and Sebastian, 27. We weren’t allowed to watch TV when we were young, so we played games outside like hide-and-seek. We would climb trees and onto the roof of our Murrumbeena [Melbourne] home – Sebastian still lives there with my parents. My sister lives next door and Alex is at the end of the street with his family.

My first kiss was with our neighbour Jack, a family friend, during a Star Wars game – I was Princess Leia. I was a tomboy and didn’t fit into the femme role, but I took it on.

My first celebrity crush was actor Harrison Ford. I loved Indiana Jones and Star Wars and I even named my first dog Indiana Jones Otten after him.

My first boyfriend was a boy called Sam when I was 16 or 17. He was an outsider. I have always been attracted to people who are a bit different. We were inseparable until we split when I was 19.

I had an eating disorder at 21. It took a big toll on the family. My brothers thought I would die. I could see the pain in their eyes and decided it was something they shouldn’t feel. I wanted to change that. It took years for me to get out of it and I don’t have the symptoms any more.

I moved to Amsterdam in my 20s and became close with my paternal Uncle Piet, Dad’s older brother. I consider him a second father.

When I returned to Australia, I married an old friend. I was 25. We eloped in Japan after 11 months together and were married for two years. Not a bad bone in his body, it just wasn’t for the long run.

I met my partner, Dylan Alcott, at his book launch in 2018. Dylan and I locked eyes – there was a spark. I posted about the launch on Instagram and he sent me a message asking where I went. We have been together for four years and have a beautiful dog, Sauce, who is the other permanent male in my life.

Dylan is a magical human being. He is extremely driven – a major compatibility between us. We both work hard to live big lives and tackle challenging topics. Sometimes I get caught up in my work and can get a bit too inside my head. Dylan brings lightness and gets me out of that. We definitely want to have children and are thinking about our future together. It’s all on the cards.

Butterfly National Helpline 1800 33 4673.

Sex Therapy: Sessions with Chantelle Otten is available on audible.com.au.

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