‘It comes with its own set of risks’: When married couples are also workmates

It almost sounds like the dream scenario: living and working with one - or some - of your favourite people. For those considering working for someone close to them, however, career coach Leah Lambert, of Relaunch Me, has some sage advice.

Working with a friend, spouse or family member can be tricky but there are ways to make it work.Credit: Javier Díez / Stocksy United

“The benefits of having a friend, partner or family member for a boss is that you already know what you’re signing up for, but the arrangement is not without its challenges,” Lambert explains.

“Disagreements in a business context may overflow into the personal relationship and be quite damaging, while other partnerships can struggle with a lack of boundaries separating work from life, or from being too ‘casual’, operating without good systems, structure and clear role expectations.”

For those thinking about entering into such a partnership, Lambert recommends using third-party professionals such as accountants, lawyers and HR specialists to ensure all financial, legal and personal requirements are documented before the start date, or to consider doing a test run of three to six months before entering a formal agreement.

Here, three women share how they’ve made the dynamic work for them.

‘I employ my husband’

Natalie Jarvis, 40, creative director

“Losing a steady income was a nerve-racking experience, but we had to have faith in the bigger picture.”

“It took us a year of discussions before [husband] Scott and I agreed that he should leave his job in construction and come and help me run Electric Confetti, a company specialising in custom neon signs and lighting that I launched in 2011.

I realised asking him to leave a secure, well-paid job as a project manager in a construction company was a huge risk, but by that time I was pleading with him. Electric Confetti had undergone a huge period of growth with massive orders coming in, and I’d also recently given birth to our third child, so I needed a lot of help. I excelled at the creative side, but I needed someone I could trust to get on top of things like invoicing and logistics. Losing a steady income was a nerve-racking experience, but we had to have faith in the bigger picture.

‘Since you’re so relaxed in each other’s company, you also tend to forget how you speak to each other within the work environment.’

Natalie Jarvis

Employing your spouse doesn’t come without its own set of risks; aside from the disappearance of the financial safety net of a regular salary, you spend a ridiculous amount of time together. Since you’re so relaxed in each other’s company, you also tend to forget how you speak to each other within the work environment. Fortunately, we’re surrounded by staff so we know that we often have an audience. That helps keep everything professional when emotions get the better of you. On the bright side, we don’t argue often!

I don’t know that there’s a lot of ‘bossing’ in the business; our roles are clearly defined so it’s very much a case of ‘leave them to do what they’re good at’. Sure, we’ve had the odd difficult conversation where I’ve had to make difficult decisions, but we don’t regret working together at all.

The COVID years have been difficult, and the rise in interest rates post-pandemic even more so, but the benefits have far outweighed the stresses we’ve endured so far. Before Electric Confetti, Scott was away from home from dawn to dusk working for someone else, but now we work around our children’s school hours and get to spend plenty of quality time as a couple and as a family. And we’re working on something that is building our family’s future.

Would I recommend employing a spouse? Walking away from a steady income isn’t for everyone, but we always say, ‘Without a doubt.’ Yes, it means we can’t really travel, and we’re always ‘on’ – even if it’s just to answer emails. But we also have the luxury of flexibility and of organising time together without looking at two separate schedules.”

‘My best friend was my boss’

Cynthia Dammerer, 62, PR consultant

“It’s important to always remember that this person is still your boss.”

“I wasn’t sure what to think when I first met [now best friend] Gaynor; in fact, I’d go as far as to say I thought she was a bit formal, but nice enough. That was back in 2001 when I was working as a remote consultant for Accor and Gaynor was brought in as our new 2IC.

Of course, Gaynor quickly proved my first instincts were far from correct. She was – and still is – excellent at her job, but she’s also kind, funny, intelligent and fun to be around. Once we began travelling for work together, we realised how much we had in common and bonded at super-speed.

When you’re in this position, it’s important to always remember that this person is still your boss. Respect for your friend and what they do is key, and I think what’s made our dynamic work is that Gaynor and I have always respected one another’s respective roles, while acknowledging our own strengths and weaknesses. We work well together because I bring the creativity while Gaynor rules the corporate side and is a genius at crisis comms.

Has it been challenging at times? Absolutely! I’m not known to hold back and there have been occasions where I’ve given advice that wouldn’t be a problem as a friend, but could have been taken the wrong way in the office.

Gaynor and I were tested both professionally and personally when the pandemic hit. We were living 10 minutes away from each other in Singapore at the time, and suddenly we went from a calendar filled with appointments, trips and dinners to a complete standstill. Discussing our fears over the phone brought us even closer together. Eventually, it was all too much and I returned home to Australia with Gaynor following soon after.

Since we moved back to Australia, Gaynor and I have both started our own PR consultancies. On paper, it would look as though we’re competing, but even though we’re in the same industry we lean on our friendship and help each other out with advice or practical assistance. Gaynor is no longer my boss, but I consider myself very fortunate that I was able to learn from her for such a long period, and I feel blessed that we met.

Sometimes I get asked whether I would recommend working with someone who is your best friend and I always reply, ‘Why wouldn’t you want to work with the people who most enjoy being around?’ Provided you each know your roles and respect those boundaries, not only can such a dynamic work, but it can make for a lifetime of wonderful career highlights.”

‘I work for both my parents’

Monique Smith, 35, marketing director

“I didn’t go into our family business without reservations.”

“For as long as I can remember, my parents were angling for my brother [Jard Char] and I to join the family business [Orbis Australasia]. It was a nice gesture but we weren’t overly keen; I was determined to build my own career and find my own skill set and networks.

After uni, I pursued a marketing career across many sectors before realising that my direct contribution in these large organisations were not as impactful as I’d hoped. It didn’t make sense to continue in this corporate environment when I had a strong family legacy in a growing business which I could contribute to. I told my parents I was joining Orbis and as you can imagine, they were elated. That was in 2017.

I didn’t go into our family business without reservations. My key concern was the potential for blurred lines between professional decisions and personal emotions and how best to manage that, but I also knew how hard my parents worked.

People have this idea that when you work for a family business you can take endless annual leave or tune out whenever you like, but it’s actually the opposite. I knew going into the role that hard work was the expectation and that I would always have to be ‘on’.

Did I want a role where it’s next to impossible to separate your working life from your personal life? I decided that yes, it could be possible, but only after we discussed in detail what our respective roles would be, who I’d be reporting to, and how the decisions within the business would be made.

Dad is the CEO so he’s effectively my boss and the one calling the shots. To avoid confusion and distress, I follow the process and remind myself that I need to put forth my case on business decisions like any other employee. There have been a couple of occasions where Dad has had to remind us of his position and emotions have run high, but we’ve been able to recover quickly.

That’s not to say we don’t have our challenges: we find we’re always switching to business talk when we get together for family dinners or on holidays. On the flipside, it’s rewarding knowing that the products you’re working on are making a difference, and that you’re working on a family brand that is your legacy.

Every day I go to work is a reminder of how far my parents have come through hard work and determination. You couldn’t ask for a more inspiring and rewarding environment.”

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