I can be the life of the party, but it comes with a big caveat

To look at me tonight, you would think I’m ready to rock – big time. I’m sporting a sequin evening suit liberated from its longtime plastic prison, a crisp silk blouse I actually ironed, high shoes (!) and a half-arsed semblance of make-up. Yep, it’s time to step out and paaaarty! Only … kill me.

I have become a homebody and am deliriously happy to be one.Credit: ISTOCK

Instead of excitement, my overall emotion is anxiety. I don’t want to do this. Well, not right now anyway. But I’ve committed. I will be letting down people I love if I don’t go out. I am trapped. Gulp!

Once again, I look at my snug lounge, my dozing dog Roxy sprawled on it, and note the remnants of a good red and crumbly cheese calling from the kitchen. I glance at the TV remote, the key to unlocking so many options for an evening that doesn’t entail me having to stand on stilts, make small talk or wear a bra. Help!

I call my friend who understands my angst. “Let me guess,” she says before I utter a word. “You have to go out tonight, and you are suddenly concerned about Roxy.”

“I’m worried sick about her,” I reply plaintively.

Much laughter and profound empathy ensues. You see, my friend has not only seen me pull out of social obligations through worry about my dog, but she also often uses her pooch as a prevention strategy, too.

Like me, my friend is an introvert and, also like me, when she explains this to friends, this fact is not easily accepted. You see, we can be the life of the party – the caveat being only when we have the energy to be. As I age, I am finding this harder to achieve, as work and home pressures drain me of any excess of vitality for others. Plainly put, I have become a homebody and am deliriously happy to be one.

I will not, as I did in the past, go back to people-pleasing at all costs. Not wanting to seem rude or let others down.

Once, I had the gusto to socialise. I would be the one who gathered the troops, who prised others out of their comfort zone, who would ring the bell and wave the flag of fun. It is no wonder my oldest and dearest believe my fatigue factor is a furphy.

However, understanding and respecting my introverted nature through trial and error has been the best thing for my mental health. I will not, as I did in the past, go back to people-pleasing at all costs. Not wanting to seem rude or let others down, I used to make myself go out against my will to “do the right thing”. The next day, there would be nothing in my tank except a creeping sense of melancholy and all-encompassing exhaustion. Socialise too much, and I would find myself slipping into a depression where I couldn’t go out even if I wanted to. I have learnt my lesson: I have to put myself first when I am low on energy, and instead of seeing that as impolite, I view it as vital.

Generally, I won’t lie to those closest to me these days and will just say I can’t make tonight because I simply can’t muster the merriment. I explain it is not them – I love my friends – it’s all me. I just don’t have it in me.

Should they not understand, then I rethink that relationship. My mental health should be respected. Making me feel guilty is not the answer. Understanding that I would if I could, and I will when I can, is a much better compromise.

When invited to the Christmas drinks I am attending tonight, I was honestly delighted to accept. Couldn’t wait. What fun! I miss the friends and colleagues I am catching up with. At the time I had the energy.

But it will be a real effort. I will have to prise myself out the door. I know that sometimes when I push myself to socialise, I end up having a great time and come away feeling re-energised. It’s not a guarantee.

So I am going to do it. I have the day off tomorrow for myself and probably won’t socialise again for the rest of the week. And hey, I am an adult: tonight I can always go home early, slipping out the door as I’m known to do after making my presence known.

And should I get stopped on the way out, well, “My dog, Roxy, hasn’t been feeling great and ...”

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