Are there seven stages to go through after discovering an affair?

If there are seven stages of grieving, there’s possibly a similar number people go through after discovering their spouse has been having an affair.

Author and journalist Kate Legge.Credit: Alan Weedon

“It’s those cycles of fury and self-pity and victimhood and, you know, that rage, confusion, the paranoia,” says Kate Legge, author of the upcoming book Infidelity and Other Affairs. “And I think you have to tell the story again and again and again, almost until you become bored with it. Of course the best healing influence is the passage of time. As with any shock, whether it’s a death in the family or an affair, it takes the mind, the body and the heart some time to adjust and accept the new reality, the new world order.”

Legge, a Walkley-award winning journalist, delved into the topic of affairs after discovering that her husband of more than two decades had cheated on her. She explores the betrayal in a cover story for the latest issue of Good Weekend, but also while speaking on a new episode of Good Weekend Talks – a “magazine for your ears” featuring conversations between the best journalists from The Sydney Morning Herald and The Age, and the people captivating Australia right now.

Hosted by Good Weekend editor Katrina Strickland, the discussion examines whether cheating hearts can run in families, Legge piecing together the affairs not only of her husband, but his father, his grandmother, and their son. The author says research out of the US suggests offspring raised in a home where infidelity happens are much more likely to go down that path themselves.

“It’s almost as if they’ve inherited a blueprint from above that it’s okay to do that,” she says, “so that instead of focusing on attachment, and salvaging their relationship, they’ll be more likely to stray.”

Good Weekend Talks offers readers the chance to dive deep into the definitive stories of the day, through weekly conversations with an array of special guests. Listen to more episodes by subscribing to Good Weekend Talks wherever you get your podcasts.

To read more from Good Weekend magazine, visit our page at The Sydney Morning Herald, The Age and Brisbane Times.