By Robyn Doreian
Best known for playing Dr Alan Grant in Jurassic Park, New Zealand-raised actor Sam Neill opens up about the women who have influenced his life.
“These days I’m lucky if I go on the odd date. That suits me well, but it’s also a bit lonely.”
My maternal grandmother, Gaggie, was full of love and compassion. Her husband, Bob, was killed at the Somme. Yet Gaggie cared for German prisoners of war when they came to her little cafe in Tenby, Wales, for a cup of tea and a meat-free pie. Her kindness obviously touched them, as some of them wrote to her.
I spent a few months with Gaggie in Tenby when I was seven, prior to our family sailing from the UK to New Zealand. I loved it when people looked into the hood of this big, old, black pram she wheeled to the shops, because instead of a baby to coo at, there was this shell-shocked corgi, the size of a blimp, as it was too fat to walk. She was a character, and I loved being with her.
My dear old mum, Priscilla, was a brisk, no-nonsense kind of woman. She was a stoic, like her mother, and used to say, “A soldier’s daughter never cries.”
Mum was very warm, but I don’t remember ever being cuddled by her. She was funny and very clever, but there must have been a lot of sadness in her life. Not the least of it, moving to New Zealand and leaving her mother. But the last thing you’d hear from Mum was a complaint.
She was a great equestrian, and so when I had to learn to ride for films, I’d return to my parents’ small farm and go riding with her. Suddenly, we had this thing in common: it was delightful.
I boarded at Christ’s College [in Christchurch] from about age 13 to 18. It was a single-sex school, and so girls might as well have been Martians to me. I spent five years at university – a lot of it in the cafeteria instead of attending lectures. I was also in plays. I had about three or four girlfriends along the way and had a wonderful time.
My Brilliant Career [1979] was one of my first major films. My co-star, Judy Davis, and I have done three films together. She is very difficult, and we have not spoken for 25 years. She is the only actress I will never work with again, which is extremely exceptional, as all the others have remained friends of one kind or other.
Laura Dern is one of the most talented actors I’ve come across and everything I see her in is breathtaking. I always feel so comfortable and valued when I’m with her. I feel lucky to know her.
I met actor Lisa Harrow on the set of Omen III [1981]. We were together for 11 years. The best thing about that relationship was having our son, Tim.
My ex-wife, film make-up artist Noriko Watanabe, and I were married for almost 30 years. Our daughter, Elena, is a Melbourne-based tattooist.
I am a solitary single man now, and I wonder if that’s a personal failing or just bad luck. I am past my use-by date and would not marry again. These days I’m lucky if I go on the odd date. That suits me well, but it’s also a bit lonely.
There were times last year that I could have done with a bit of companionship to see me through my blood-cancer treatment [he is now in remission]. Writing [my memoir] Did I Ever Tell You This? made me reflect on how much gratitude I have for people like my mother, and the women who’ve been good to me. And some of that is not without regrets. I had three wonderful years with [ABC journalist] Laura Tingle, and I am so grateful for that.
I think women are better human beings than men. If you look at history, you can see what men have done. If a woman were running Russia, the Russians would not be in Ukraine.
I am enraged by the vile treatment directed at Jacinda Ardern. She did an extraordinary job during COVID, but no one gives her credit for that any more. She reminded us of the importance of compassion and empathy in an increasingly troubled world.
Did I Ever Tell You This? (Text) by Sam Neill is out now.
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