Retired paceman Stuart Broad is the English cricketer Australia loves to hate.

But even your Pommy-bashing columnists felt a pang of sympathy for Broady as he was forced to sit stony-faced beside a jubilant Matthew Hayden as his countrymen committed collective seppuku at Perth Stadium last weekend.

Now Broad has suffered another, slighter humiliation. CBD’s spies spotted him at Melbourne Airport on Thursday morning, wearing an oversized white T-shirt, slimline trousers and on-trend Birkenstock Bostons, trying to sneak onto Flight QF422 when group 3 was boarding. But the fast-man turned commentator was actually in boarding group 4, and soon discovered just what a stickler for boarding protocol the national carrier was when, well, computer said no.

After the beep of rejection the ever-patriotic Qantas flight attendant made Broad take a walk, something Broad does not like to do.

Truly, the Spirit of Australia in action.

“He looked a little peeved but no blow-up,” our observer told CBD.

The incident confirms every Australian public prejudice about Broad. If there’s one thing we hate more than an England fast bowler, it’s an England fast bowler queue jumper.

Silly season

Anthony Albanese has a cold.

On the penultimate sitting day of the year, the prime minister braved a springtime lurgy to entertain press gallery hacks, invited into The Lodge for annual end-of-year drinks.

Dressed in an off-duty ensemble of a Nick Cave T-shirt (the Joy Division one was in the wash) and Ray-Bans, Albanese joked about how the crowd was unlikely to hear news of him turning gay. Apparently, storied pundit Niki Savva’s new book contains an anecdote about how the PM would be marrying Chris, the chef at The Lodge, if First Fiancee Jodie Haydon wasn’t in the picture.

Albo didn’t completely bomb, managing to draw a few nervous laughs. While embattled Liberal leader Sussan Ley couldn’t muster much of a turnout for her own media do in the Coalition party room Monday night, CBD’s spies spotted Foreign Minister Penny Wong, Finance Minister Katy Gallagher, Labor national secretary Paul Erickson, and occasional acting prime minister Richard Marles schmoozing at The Lodge.

Albo also told the thirsty inmates of Parliament House that they had just 30 minutes to drink up before being sent to bed, a reference to his habit of cutting the annual party short in case somebody winds up intoxicated in the pool.

Meanwhile, the Coalition held its own Christmas party back in the big house, while Labor staff gathered to celebrate a big year at Assembly: The People’s Pub, a slop den in Canberra’s inner north just metres away from the spot where Nationals defector Barnaby Joyce was found sprawled on the footpath muttering obscenities into his phone.

Inevitably, most ended up back at the Kingo.

Off to the races

Tim Wilson has a preternatural ability to reframe circumstances to suit himself. So far, so politician.

But even we were taken aback when we threw sass at Wilson over his dummy spit about having to attend parliament on Melbourne Cup day, only for him to catch it in one hand and immediately flip it to his advantage.

Regular readers will recall that this column had labelled Wilson “shadow minister for the Melbourne Cup”.

Only for us to find he had adopted it for his X bio.

And then to find that he was claiming victory after one day in the job as the unofficial shadow minister, for the fact that Federal Parliament is not sitting on Tuesday, November 3, when the 2026 Melbourne Cup will be staged.

What a scamp!

It must be noted that not everyone is a fan, least of all Monique Ryan, teal independent in Melbourne seat of Kooyong, not so far from Wilson’s Goldstein, where he defeated teal Zoe Daniel by 175 votes (or was it 175,000 votes? Must check with Wilson).

On Thursday morning, Wilson co-chaired a World AIDS Day breakfast event at Parliament House along with Labor MP Renee Coffey, where Foreign Minister Penny Wong gave a speech.

Ryan, we hear, was asked to be in a photo with Wilson, and declined.

Intrigued, we asked her office about the refusal and received this reply.

“Monique attended the breakfast briefly between engagements. She had a photo with Dash Heath-Paynter and Mark Orr – the CEO and president of Health Equity Matters – but had to leave to attend a briefing about CSIRO funding.”

Meme lord

In their post-election mourning period, NSW Liberal group chats were abuzz with hacks venting their frustration at the party’s final week youth outreach strategy – memes featuring the likes of Lightning McQueen (from Pixar’s Cars franchise) and Shrek. There was also one with a pink llama, which nobody could quite understand.

Now, the architect of those memes, party strategist Luke Nayna, has a promotion as new Opposition Leader Kellie Sloane’s chief of staff. On an interim basis, at least. A decade ago, Nayna quit as a Wyong Shire Councillor after missing six straight meetings. This bodes well.

A spokesperson for Sloane didn’t enlighten us as to why Nayna would only be interim, telling CBD they didn’t comment on staffing matters.

“The focus is on supporting the new leadership, keeping our work on track, and gearing up for the 2027 election.”

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