Should I give a glowing reference to my toxic employee?

I’m in a managerial position and have been struggling with a toxic team member for quite a while. Not long ago, they confided to me during a private meeting that they were seeking a new job. I did my best to remain professional and didn’t express the delight that I felt at their desire to leave our organisation. They then asked me to be their referee.

I quickly agreed, out of what I now realise was an eagerness to make their exit as quick and frictionless as possible. I’m now wondering if that was a mistake on my part.

Giving this employee a good reference means they’re more likely to quit, but it poses some moral issues.Credit: John Shakespeare

If a prospective employer contacted me and asked if this is an employee I would recommend, an honest answer would be a definitive “no”. Obviously, a dishonest answer makes it much more likely that my team and I will no longer have to deal with this person’s conduct. How do I resolve this moral dilemma?

This seems like such a large, thorny and potentially common problem that I’m surprised it hasn’t been asked before in Work Therapy.

I really feel for you and can understand why you would have agreed so readily when asked to be this person’s referee. Intense, blissful relief has a habit of diminishing the faculties responsible for forethought and circumspection.

So, how do you approach this fight between your conscience and your need to be rid of this insufferable jerk? I asked Professor Giles Hirst and Dr Karryna Madison to lend their expertise. They’re colleagues in the Research School of Management at the Australian National University.

Another alternative is to tell your difficult colleague that being their referee would be a conflict of interest.

Professor Hirst began by raising important legal implications to consider as a starting point.

“Just as information that is damning can be a source of libel, there are legal liabilities if something [you say] is proven incorrect or untrue. It is better to be truthful. But there’s also a super fine line in what one can say,” he says.

It’s also worth considering that while some potential employers may call a referee and expect a phone conversation, others may expect a written response only. If you encounter the latter, Hirst said, remember that “less is more”.

“A reference may simply state the period of employment. No more, no less. The absence of commentary speaks volumes.”

Madison agreed, adding that it was worth keeping in mind that whatever you say in the written submission may be seen by the person you hope to be your ex-colleague. They have the right to access that information under the Privacy Act.

“I conducted many a reference check back when I worked in HR,” Madison said. “It was always interesting when you got the ‘no comment’ type responses.”

If you do get called, and you want to tiptoe inside the incredibly narrow happy medium between telling lies and risking putting a potential employer off, Giles suggested what he termed “vanilla speak”.

That is, negative commentary that is so bland it says little other than inferences or question marks. For example, “they bring an original perspective on their own worth” or “they are a fearless learner”.

“Truly, these phrases make me want to throw up – they are used wantonly and with abandon to avoid conflict, recrimination or libel. But, alas, that’s the world we live in: where saying very little may be the best option,” Giles says.

If, like Hirst, the thought of employing extreme euphemism brings bile into your gullet, another alternative suggested by Madison is to tell your difficult colleague that, having reflected on the situation, you feel that being their referee would be a conflict of interest.

Although that conversation may be awkward, you at least remove any need to lie, and there’s still some chance your unbearable charge will have resigned before Easter.

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