My colleague unexpectedly blew up at me. Should I quit?

A few weeks ago, I got offered a job out of the blue. I turned it down because at the time, I loved my current role and had no interest in leaving it. I was flattered when the person who approached me said they would like me to reconsider and would be happy to wait if I needed more time.

I said I’d think about it, but had no intention of reconsidering. Soon after, a colleague said something to me that felt like a punch in the guts. I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind since, and I’ve started to think seriously about calling the headhunter and having a chat. What is your advice?

No one wants to work in an environment where hostility lingers indefinitely – even if it only bubbles under the surface.Credit: John Shakespeare

We won’t print what was said to you because it was very particular to your job and workplace. What I can say is that I was astounded when I read the words used against you. They would be considered over-the-top, even in the most high-pressure, high-expectation workplace.

This was an attack on your work and your character, and I can see why it’s suddenly changed your longstanding love of your current work situation. “Punched in the gut” seems like an apt metaphor. But I’m not sure if that pain will necessarily last forever.

Like the job offer, this verbal assault seems to have come out of nowhere. It sounds like your “assailant” has never used this kind of language before – to you or anyone else. The words they used were extraordinarily cruel, so I’m loath to give them the benefit of the doubt and speculate on some kind of misunderstanding or talk about being “out of character”.

I do wonder, however, if this was, in fact, an explosive one-off, instead of being some long-held enmity coming to the surface. Some wild reaction to a work or life frustration that ultimately has little or nothing to do with you.

Don’t be afraid to make a change – especially if this incident has forever tainted your feelings towards your current role.

If that is the case, this is unlikely to be the start of some vicious campaign against you. Instead, it may be a very serious mistake this person will soon deeply regret, if they don’t already.

The incident didn’t happen behind closed doors. Others witnessed the moment, and it sounds like several were dismayed. There’s no sense that anyone thinks you had it coming or that it was an excessive expression of a fair point.

I know you were shaken and didn’t want to pursue it officially, but I would be amazed if word hadn’t got around to managers or HR. To be honest, I’m surprised no one in a leadership position has spoken with you about it or at least asked if you’re OK. I hope that if they do know about it, they’re looking closely at the matter behind the scenes.

The point I’m trying to make is that you may well come to find that this blow-up was neither based on any kernel of truth, nor likely to happen again. That may come after reflection, remorse and, ideally, a sincere apology from the aggressor, or through disciplinary action taken by higher-ups. In either case, there’s some chance you’ll be able to recapture your love for your job.

Having said all that, I don’t think you should necessarily put that unexpected job offer out of your mind. Even if you can see that this will all be resolved soon, it may still be worth giving this interested party a call back.

Of course, if your wrathful colleague shows no shame or if there is any sense that managers know about the blow-up but have shrugged it away, there’s no need to equivocate.

In either of these situations, there’s a chance the belligerence will continue in some form, or at the very least that the changed mood in the office will curdle and become intolerable.

No one wants to work in an environment where hostility lingers indefinitely, even if it only bubbles under the surface. If this seems likely to you, I would pick up the phone as soon as you can.

Whatever decision you make, you should be more than flattered that someone outside your professional orbit has taken such a keen interest in your abilities; you should be proud. This doesn’t happen all the time – and very rarely does it come with such a liberal time limit. If anything, it only underscores the unfairness of your colleague’s vicious words.

Make sure you do plenty of research into the new opportunity before you decide. But if it all sounds good, don’t be afraid to make a change – especially if this incident has forever tainted your feelings towards your current role.

Send your questions to Work Therapy by emailing [e-mail]

Expert tips on how to save, invest and make the most of your money delivered to your inbox every Sunday. Sign up for our Real Money newsletter.