So Blue Sky Alternative Investments is back in the market raising another US$17 million of venture capital on a promise of a 40 per cent internal rate of return. Hey, why not 60 per cent? It's just a magic number. Frankly, anyone left on Blue Sky's mailing list deserves whatever their savings get.

This latest money – I mean, seriously, David Brent couldn't announce this with a straight face – will purchase an Indonesian payment platform for 7 million users "without access to debt". Yes, when the market is laughing aloud at you, why not launch an audacious bid for a market-trailing fintech in a developing nation with flimsy property rights? Outstanding! If this raising is subscribed without lien on Mark Sowerby's surfboard collection, we'll be honour-bound to quit our jobs and spend the rest of our lives installing saliva IQ tests outside Queensland voting booths.