As the cancel-culture of the furious mobs devours our favourite books, films and comedy skits, the Fin’s literary editor Ms Rowena Georgina-Belle hastily rewrites critical scenes in the classic now known as Gone with the Woke.

Scarlett was not pretty, but men, women and genderqueer folk seldom realised it when caught by her Tinder profile as the Tarleton twins were. In her face were too sharply blended the delicate features of her mother, a Coast w*min of white privilege, and the heavy ones of her abusive Irish birth-parent. But it was an arresting face, meaning it frequently got her arrested; pointed of chin, square of jaw, with magnolia-white skin. Not quite the fashion these days. Her eyes were pale green starred with bristly, er, black, hang on can’t say that, anyway bristly lashes and slightly tilted at the ends. Above them, her thick, oh crikey here we go again, well anyway her thick brows slant upward, cutting a startling oblique line in her pale and over-privileged complexion.