Rugby World Cup 2015: View from the ‘cheap seats’ as Wallabies thrash England
How often to you get to ride home in a packed train after a game at Twickers and not have to hear 500 drunk England fans singing “Swing Low Sweet Chariot”?
Given that the England-Australia showdown at Twickenham was sold out five minutes before it went on sale two years ago, cheap seats to this one were always going to be hard to find.
Luckily I knew a guy who knew a guy who put me onto a geezer who operated in an alley beside a coffee bar behind Victoria bus station who told me he had an unneeded ticket to off-load.
“Is it free?” I asked hopefully.
“No guv,” he said. “Free fifty. Cash.”
MATCH REPORT: Foley dumps England out of their own party
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FIVE THINGS: What we learned from Wallabies’ emphatic victory
That’s over $700 in our currency but in truth it was worth ten times that. How often to you get to ride home in a packed train after a game at Twickers and not have to hear 500 drunken England fans singing “Swing Low Sweet Chariot”?
It was so quiet I could hear the tear drops hitting the floor.
Of course getting there was another matter. Talk about all aboard the party express. Everyone in white and red footy jumpers; silly hats, even sillier outfits.
There were Tellytubbies, knights in chain-mail, a Beefeater or two. In my carriage there were four gents dressed up in tweed coats, plus-four trousers with long socks and deerstalker hats. At least I think they were dressed up. It might be what they usually wear on a Saturday afternoon. Sometimes it’s hard to tell in London.
And of course, non-stop Swing Low. When the Australian team was being announced before kick-off the crowd sung so loud it drowned out the words. Still, at least it meant they had to stop booing.
We went straight from that into both of Australia’s national anthems — God Save Our Queen and Advance Australia Fair — and then the fireworks started.
That’s the fireworks provided by the Wallabies, not the organisers.
If Australia has ever played a better opening half of football, I must have missed it.
The scrum was solid as a rock, the tackling was superb and if Michael Hooper ever gives up rugby he’s got a big career ahead of him as a crash dummy.
It’s not often that David Pocock gets out-pointed in the put-your-body-on-the-line department, but I reckon Hooper might have just shaded him by two stitches and a contusion.
And what about Bernard Foley — or as the TV sports news anchor called him on Thursday night, Brendan Foley? I had a feeling this was going to be an “on” night for him. When the rest of the team finished their warm-up and ran into the dressing room to put on their jerseys and game faces, Foley stayed behind and lined up one practice kick from the sideline.
Long enough, high enough and straight between the posts. Counting that one, he banged over eight straight.
What a night. As they flashed their stunned faces up on the big screen, it was a tough call to pick who looked worse, Stuart Lancaster or Prince Harry. Probably Lancaster. Harry will still have a job next week.
Of course by now I don’t have to tell anyone that England has recently missed out on the knock-out stages of the cricket World Cup, football World Cup and rugby World Cup. But I will anyway: England has recently missed out on the knock-out stages of the cricket World Cup, football World Cup and rugby World Cup.
Poor things. They go to all the trouble of organising a great party, and then don’t get invited.
Not that they’ve lost their sense of humour.
Joe Launchbury man of the match? That was the biggest joke since Monty Python.
Originally published as Rugby World Cup 2015: View from the ‘cheap seats’ as Wallabies thrash England