Louis van Gaal dossier: the British press mocks Manchester United boss’ statistical justification

UK VIEW: Louis van Gaal’s four-page dossier aimed to teach us about his team. Instead, it showed us a man reacting badly to his ego being pricked.

Manchester United's Dutch manager Louis van Gaal arrives ahead of the FA Cup fourth round replay football match between Manchester United and Cambridge United at Old Trafford in Manchester, north west England, on February 3, 2015. AFP PHOTO / PAUL ELLIS == RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE. No use with unauthorized audio, video, data, fixture lists, club/league logos or “live” services. Online in-match use limited to 45 images, no video emulation. No use in betting, games or single club/league/player publications. ==

LOUIS van Gaal might have thought he was putting the ‘long ball theory’ to rest when he emerged at a pre-match press-conference armed with a dossier of statistics to shut down Sam Allardyce’s cheeky post-match sledge.

How he was wrong.

The Manchester United boss produced a four-page spread of statistics and graphs ahead of the midweek EPL clash with Burnley, which he felt would shut down the hysteria about his side’s supposed primitive style of play.

THE VAN GAAL DOSSIER: read the original report and see the graphics here.

Watch the rant in the video at the top of the page.

Instead of settling the issue, the Dutchman has been lampooned by the British press for his defensive tactics off it, with his performance evoking comparisons to Rafa Benitez’s infamous ‘fact’ press conference in 2009, where the then Liverpool boss vented about Sir Alex Ferguson and referees.

“Van Gaal’s pantomime piece was less a case of a man feeling the strain and more evidence of an individual with a high opinion of himself reacting rather badly to having his ego pricked,” wrote James Ducker in The Times.

The Daily Mail’s Ian Ladyman also wrote: “It seemed more like a coach seeking to protect a reputation forged by years spent at Ajax, Barcelona and Bayern Munich. It was as dismissive as it was carefully constructed.”

The peculiarity of the rant is that Big Sam’s jibe, when he said his side couldn’t cope with United’s long ball style, was done with a wry smile after Daley Blind’s late winner on the weekend, the West Ham manager fully aware of the irony that his teams have previously been known for their robust style of play.

Ducker added: “Letting off steam in public and trying desperately to defend your approach at a time when, to many observers, United’s football is rudimentary and uneasy on the eye bordered on the embarrassing.”

The BBC’s Simon Stone observed: “Van Gaal thought he was making a point. He may have ended up making himself look a little bit manic.”

Former Manchester United midfielder Paul Scholes picked up on the unnecessary defensiveness of the ploy from the usually cocksure manager.

The club’s PR representative didn’t enjoy the experience.

“Why would you react to a West Ham manager, it’s different if it’s a rival manager like Chelsea and Manchester City, but at the end of the day you’re the Manchester United manager,” Scholes said on English television.

“I found it all bizarre to be honest with you, as I felt Allardyce’s comments were light-hearted in the first place.”

While van Gaal tried to dispel Allardyce’s myth with a dissection of the stats, it is inescapable that only Metz in France and Burnley in England have lumped more long balls this season than Manchester United.

The Dutchman explained that a lot of that has to do with switches of play to the flanks, but if they’re not playing long balls but enjoying so much possession, what exactly are they doing with the ball?

“One of Van Gaal’s sheets shows that his team ‘attempted’ 143 more passes than Big Sam’s Hammers,” wrote Neil Custis in The Sun.

“But he did not have a box to say how many were backwards or sideways.

“United’s possession was causing few problems until the Sabbath’s final Hail Mary pass brought a weak defensive header from Carl Jenkinson and Daley Blind bounced a volley home.

“It was all pretty turgid stuff but, then again, it has been for some time.

“Of course, the Dutchman can point to his beautiful game with Ajax and success with Barcelona and Bayern Munich to answer his critics. And he regularly does.”

Manchester United won, too ...

And the analysis will now rumble on. Rather than Allardyce’s quip fading away as a witty post-game remark, van Gaal’s misjudgment now has the media in a frenzy.

“Van Gaal’s actions have created a mountain out of a molehill that will now be debated on a weekly basis until the end of the season,” said the Daily Star’s Jeremy Cross.

“His tactics will be scrutinised like never before and heap more pressure on a manager toiling to secure a top four finish and return to the Champions League for his fallen giants.”

So, he didn’t exactly convince the media throng, did he ...

“The 63-year-old’s response to Allardyce’s comments brought stunned looks among the gathered media and left the club’s press staff shifting uncomfortably as the television pictures readily emphasised,” explained The Independent’s Timothy Abraham.

Indeed, while he tried to teach us about his team, we ended up learning more about the man.

Originally published as Louis van Gaal dossier: the British press mocks Manchester United boss’ statistical justification