Lisa De Vanna column: Matildas great reveals why she spoke up about football’s abuse shame

Lisa De Vanna felt she had to speak out on bullying, harrasment and intimidation for future generations of Matildas, but the reaction of her former teammates has left a mark.

Australia's Lisa De Vanna (C) shoots for goal as South Korea's Lim Seon-joo (L) looks on during the Women's Cup of Nations football match between Australia and South Korea in Brisbane on March 3, 2019. (Photo by Patrick HAMILTON / AFP) / — IMAGE RESTRICTED TO EDITORIAL USE – STRICTLY NO COMMERCIAL USE —

Me speaking up has never been about me … it’s been about player welfare and the future of the game.

When I started, I was a kid from Perth and all I wanted to do was be the best I could be and play for my country.

I didn’t come from an institute, I didn’t know anyone … and we didn’t have systems in place to deal with what I went through, and it was hard.

After what I went through, I put a report in and it didn’t change anything … I came home from that camp not wanting to play for my country any more.

Football Australia don’t want to admit there is a toxic culture in the sport but 20 years on, what I went through is still happening.

Harassment, bullying and intimidation … from grassroots through to the elite level.

The trigger to speak up now was a recent incident that didn’t involve me at all, that the board knows about and hasn’t acted on – it has never been about sexuality or gender, it is about abuse. Abuse is abuse.

Lisa De Vanna during a Matildas training session.

Lisa De Vanna is one of the Matildas greatest players.

I love the game of football – always have, always will and that’s why I decided to speak up about what has been going on for decades in the sport I love.

I’m not perfect … but I am not afraid to stand out on my own, I have made mistakes but I am strong enough to always own my shit.

I was hurt by Matildas’ recent statement. I was a part of that family too and so is every other player who has worn that jersey.

But I am not surprised. I have always felt like I am on the outer but I have to stay true to myself.

I’m part of that family and family is not about being rejected or abandoned but that is what they — and CEO James Johnson — have done to me.

They have let me down.

Their statement doesn’t change the fact that things have gone on and are still going on at all levels of the game.

For me, the statement is something I would never have signed. That jersey belongs to the game and the game belongs to everyone. If we know something is bad in any part of our game, at any level, we should be making it better for future players to come.

Lisa De Vanna has revealed why she spoke out about abuse in football.

I thought long and hard about the timing … I didn’t want to do it before the Olympics because I still care for the players and the team and it was never about hurting our game that we all have worked too hard to build.

What these players don’t realise yet is that the jersey doesn’t belong to them, it’s a privilege and a responsibility you are holding for the next player.

That you are just holding on to it for the next player – and that is the point of speaking out.

There is more to just playing for your country … we need to put in place systems that look after the game as it continues to grow at all levels.

When Elissia (Carnavas) and Rhali (Dobson) and I decided to speak out we knew there would be a backlash.

We knew we would upset teammates and lose friendships … but it is about making our game better and safer from grassroots through to the top, we are the role models for our daughters and their daughters to come.

I want to thank them for being so brave, and Luisa Bishop-Marzotto and everyone else who has spoken up.

What has been disturbing is the amount of people that have reached out to me. The system is broken – I can’t sleep at night because I don’t know how I can help them.

Lisa De Vanna says she feels the game of football and FFA boss James Johnson have abandoned her.

I didn’t realise my words would have such an impact. Some of what I’ve read and heard is 10 times worse than what I’ve experienced.

I want to say to them I’ve heard you, I feel for you and things need to be better.

Not just in women’s football but at all levels of sport and business. For athletes in all codes and from different countries, we need to be their voice. We have to put something in place where people can talk about this and not feel retribution or shame.

That’s been the hardest thing about the past two weeks – just how broken the system is.

For me, it’s not just about leaving a footprint on the football field but a legacy off the field. I hope that my bravery to speak up continues to give others the courage to speak up for change also.

This is bigger than the Matildas – Football Australia could be the benchmark of change right now for other codes to follow.

This is women’s sports Me Too movement.

It’s up to them to make some big changes … and it starts with listening to players from all levels of our game.

Originally published as Lisa De Vanna column: Matildas great reveals why she spoke up about football’s abuse shame