Bazball truth no one wants to admit as Test cricket continues ugly slide

Australia has laughed along at England’s attempts to fool the world about Bazball - but in reality there is actually one good thing about it.

COMMENT

The sanctity of Test cricket has been decaying for years, with every passing ramp shot straying the game further from God.

And while much of the format’s decline can be traced back to T20 and a time-poor consumerist society, its heaps better to just blame the Poms instead.

Yep, if the Test format was already being buried by franchise cricket then the last thing it needed was the guarana burst of Bazball.

With its iron-clad commitment to devil-may-care aggression, Bazball has knitted itself in to the tapestry of the five day game with the subtlety of an industrial sewing machine.

Spawned by skipper Ben Stokes and cowboy Kiwi Brendon McCullum, the mantra has careened through Test cricket’s conservative guard rails by licensing players to pump sixes and bastardise the spirit of the game whenever it ‘feels good.’

At its core, Bazball prides itself on liberation over results - which is good for England because it’s yielded them stuff-all.

England's captain Ben Stokes (R) has been central in the Bazball concept. (Photo by Daniel LEAL/AFP)

Ask any Englishmen though and you’d think otherwise.

Despite not winning a brass razoo since its inception, England still credit the concept for saving everything from Test cricket to the Qinling panda.

Who could forget Ben Stokes labelling his Ashes-losing side “a sports team that will live forever in the memory”?

Or opener Ben Duckett claiming “we should take some credit that they’re playing differently” after a breakneck innings by India’s Yashasvi Jaiswal?

Yes, Bazball is as contingent on aggression as it is tone-deaf self-approval.

But despite rarely corresponding to reality, these post-truth self-evaluations aren’t a complete load of ineffectual claptrap.

In fact, they have seen England rewarded record numbers of moral victories - by themselves - plus brainwash a malleable English public so radically they make Branch Davidians look like Beatnix.

Coach Brendon McCullum brought his own attacking batting style to the England setup. (Photo by Clive Mason/Getty Images)

In fact, Bazball is such a cult in the Old Dart that it’s even been added to the Collins Dictionary - meaning when it comes to the Queen’s English, Stokes and McCullum have fooled both the proletariat AND the lexicon.

But while the rest of us sneer at Bazball as we mourn for ponderously slow run rates, it’s time to admit what we all deep-down believe:

Whether we like it or not, Bazball is good for Test cricket.

Sure, we may consider audacious fourth innings chases ungentlemanly and early declarations for attention seekers and town criers only.

We may also think batting deep to number eleven is unconstitutional and that a “nighthawk” is a chat room handle for some scouts noob who has never kissed a girl.

But without Bazball’s brave and sometimes-reckless innovations, Test cricket will need more than pink balls and Pat Cummins’ teeth to appeal to new demographics.

And better yet?

England's captain Ben Stokes (R) reacts as Australia's Pat Cummins celebrates winning the first Ashes cricket Test match. (Photo by Geoff Caddick / AFP)

Not only has Bazball injected Test cricket with a shot of prune juice - all at a highly acceptable English win rate of under 30 per cent - it’s pushed opponents to greater heights in one particular discipline of the game.

We Aussies didn’t think we could loathe England more than we do, but the self-exaltation by Stokes and co has propelled us to new stratospheres of inter-Anglo hatred and reinvigorated rivalry across the globe.

And isn’t that what Test cricket’s all about?

Like Virat Kohli, Richard Hadlee and bat flips, cricket needs something to hate. Otherwise it’s just a group of blokes standing at 22 yards waiting for lunch.

Australia's Steve Smith (L) talks with India's Virat Kohli. (Photo by William WEST / AFP)

Bazball only helps to re-juice this with overconfident batting and gratuitous follow-throughs from the quicks, meaning sexy spite is back and ready to bleed down through Test cricket from the Ashes to the Border-Gavaskar trophy and all the way down to routine trouncings of New Zealand.

And why else should we release our paranoid grip on 18th century values and actually celebrate Bazball?

Because it’s one aspect of modern Test cricket that sees the format in a rare pomp.

For all its flaws off the field, the standard of play in red ball cricket is unprecedentedly elite, the access for the fan has never been more advanced and thanks to technology and the relentless scrutiny of the internet, umpiring decisions are no longer doing our heads in.

Not as often, anyway.

In summary, giving Bazball its dues is akin to praising the virtues of Scientology.

But it can also save our favourite form of the game, and if it means England continually shooting themselves in the foot chasing victories before lunch, then let them eat cake.

Let Test cricket thrive again by adopting Bazball’s principles of liberation- except the one about walking aimlessly out of your crease.

Originally published as Bazball truth no one wants to admit as Test cricket continues ugly slide