Mona Lisa of nastiness: How perfect storm has seen Ashes rapidly reach boiling point
The Ashes was already fertile ground for a stink thanks to Ollie Robinson. By the end of the second Test we had the perfect storm. Thank heavens the third Test is almost here, writes DANIEL CHERNY.
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Here’s a thought to make you shudder. Imagine if Jonnygate had happened in the first Test. Or the third Test.
We would have had to hear this gibber for a week!
Mercifully it occurred on day five of the second Test, after which there are just less than four days before the Ashes series resumes at Headingley.
It feels more than long enough in the circumstances.
Perhaps save for an Olympics or FIFA World Cup, there is no sporting event that captures the national sporting psyche than an Ashes series.
But unlike those first two events, the Ashes is always against the same foe.
In this case, familiarity breeds the motherlode of contempt, further fuelled by the undertones of colonial history.
It was already fertile terrain for a stink. Ollie Robinson had planted the seed in Birmingham, before the England camp watered it in the ensuing day by talking as though the hosts had won a Test that they had in fact not.
The shoots were sprouting through when Mitchell Starc was denied his catch late on day four. And then hey presto, here’s this bouquet of posies from Alex Carey!
Inevitably the amorphous spirit of cricket became the battle lines. Claiming grounded catch: cheats. Stumping someone out of their ground when the ball wasn’t dead: also cheats. Trying the same ploy earlier in the game: not cheats.
Ah yep, makes sense.
Still, not the perfect storm though. How do you add the final couple of ingredients to make it just so?
Abusive toffs in the long room? And wait, that’s Usman Khawaja pointing out the troublemakers?
Yes, within a couple of hours we had the Mona Lisa of nastiness.
What has happened next has been entirely predictable. England has turned up its nose at the supposedly classless Aussies.
Australia meanwhile, has largely kept its counsel. Easier to do from a winning position. And also when you have a militia of fans back home willing to fire the bullets the team may want to publicly.
These sagas have a way of escalating. Soon enough it’s their Prime Minister, then our Prime Minister. Where do you go from there?
Just about all of it has been self-serving. Appealing to a sporting team supported by pretty much your entire constituency is an absolute no-brainer.
I’m proud of our men’s and women’s cricket teams, who have both won their opening two #Ashes matches against England.
— Anthony Albanese (@AlboMP) July 3, 2023
Same old Aussies – always winning!
Australia is right behind @ahealy77, @patcummins30 and their teams and look forward to welcoming them home victorious ðŸ‘
Nuance be damned! We’re the good guys, they’re the bad guys. Here are historical examples a, b and c to prove the point. I will conveniently ignore points x, y and z that prove the other mob’s point.
England’s Joe Root put it well on Tuesday.
“There’s always something,” Root said of this latest Ashes saga.
“Every series has something. Obviously it was going to create debate and draw attention but the fact that we’re still talking about it now ahead of the next games (surprises me).”
He is right on that front. It has all served to distract from some genuinely compelling cricket.
Thankfully the schedule will limit our exposure to the faux battle.
Originally published as Mona Lisa of nastiness: How perfect storm has seen Ashes rapidly reach boiling point
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