AFL must address soul-destroying, life-threatening issue of marriage breakdown

The reality is that most football wives are married to preoccupied people who, by need to protect their futures, are selfish and self-absorbed. The AFL needs to help.

Nathan Buckley and his wife Tania Buckley recently announced the end of their marriage

In recent years the AFL has initiated and embraced many social reforms.

It has led the way in diversity and reconciliation and set the standard for illicit drug awareness and detection. Respect and responsibility have been high on its agenda as well.

The AFL wants it footballers to be better people as well as great footballers. However there is one area into which it has not yet ventured.

The AFL must now be prepared to invest more time and resources into protecting and preserving the relationships and marriages of its players and its coaches.

Marriage breakups are tough. Tough on the partners, tough on the children and tough on the associated families.

It’s not exaggerating to say they can be soul-destroying - life threatening even.

When a break-up is played out in the public arena, it’s even tougher.

Three AFL coaches have split from their wives since the end of last football season.

Three families broken up. It’s a staggering statistic really.

The Buckleys, the Goodwins and the Hardwicks. Each family circumstance is different but these have been long-term partnerships that began when the coach was a player trying to establish himself in the cutthroat, high-pressure environment of AFL football.

Nathan Buckley and his wife Tania Buckley have announced their marriage is over

In each case their wives have been with them through the highs and lows – often left to manage the kids and the household on their own. It’s obvious that being an AFL coach is not conducive to a happy marriage and there are several reasons for that.

From the moment a footballer is appointed to his first coaching position, his personality changes.

It’s an overnight transformation. His mind becomes even more occupied with football, specifically his players and his team.

More so than when he was simply a player. No longer is he the man his wife married.

He is constantly distracted and even when alone with his wife there is often that faraway look in his eye that betrays his innermost thoughts.

Dating a footballer and being married to one may have been exciting in the early days of the romance, but the reality is that most football wives are married to preoccupied athletes who by the necessity of self-survival and a need to protect their futures, are selfish and self-absorbed.

They deal with it while he is still a player but it takes on another, more difficult dimension when he becomes a coach.

Damien Hardwick (L) and wife Danielle have also separated

Being an AFL coach is tough. It’s tougher being the wife of an AFL coach. Their emotional and sometimes their physical needs take second place to the demands of club and team.

Their husbands, under the constant pressure of their teams’ performances are often weary, stressed and definitely distracted.

As in any marriage, every football wife deserves the right to feel she is the most important person in a footy coach’s life.

All too often that is not the case.

Further complications arise when relationship difficulties are played out in the public arena, as has happened with Damien Hardwick’s split from his wife Danielle. Whilst the club and Hardwick have pleaded for privacy the Hardwicks are very much public property.

“Mrs Hardwick” had become an appealing feature of Hardwick’s press conferences.

Like it or not, Danielle Hardwick has been thrust into the hearts and minds of the football public. More salacious aspects of the breakdown appeared when it was revealed the coach is now involved with a younger staff member – “from a different department of course”.

Such is the world in which we live, there is no way this new relationship can be kept out of the public arena.

Only time will tell whether it will impact on the team and its performances.

The AFL took immediate, draconian action when it was revealed several of its key married executives were involved with subordinate staff members but Richmond have assured the football world that Hardwick and his new partner worked in different departments of the footy club.

Simon Goodwin and wife Maggie are the latest couple to split

Maybe so but as in any profession work colleagues spend more time together than they do with their families. It’s a test of all but the strongest relationships.

It’s been a tough year for sporting coaches, their players and their families as so many teams have been locked away in sporting hubs.

It has been impossible to maintain normal, happy relationships.

With so many other priorities to keep the season up and running, it’s unlikely the AFL gave enough consideration to the partners and the children, many of who were left at home.

The public marriage breakdowns of three of its coaches are the most obvious signs of the difficulties coaches and players have of maintaining happy relationships.

The AFL must now be prepared to invest in programs and resources to ensure the relationships of its players, coaches and football staff flourish, not flounder under the pressures and distractions of the job.