We rank the AFL stars’ best pump up songs just in time for finals
IT’S time to get the adrenaline running as we kick off the 2017 Finals series. Hit reporter Mikey Cahill ranks the AFL finals players’ pump-up jams from 20 to 1.
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KEEN beans would have noticed Saturday night games this season featured AFL player’s song selections in and out of the Channel 7 ad breaks.
What better time to get pumped up than the start of the 2017 Finals series.
Hit reporter Mikey Cahill ranks the AFL finals players’ pump-up jams from 20 to 1
STEVIE J: MENTAL SELF-DOUBT BIGGEST FINALS HURDLE
AYRES MEDAL: THE ULTIMATE AFL FINALS TEAM
MATH WIZARDS: THE CRAZY, PERFECT SUPERCOACH TEAM
20. JACK RIEWOLDT (Richmond)
My Friends — Kayex
Combining ZHU’s Faded with Rufus’ You Were Right to make something not as good as either. This plodder is the exact opposite to the way the Tiger spearhead attacks the footy.
Best bit: The “drop” gets a B minus.
Key lyric: “Just call on me my friend.” Sorry, wrong number, kthxbai.
19. CHARLIE CAMERON (Adelaide)
Sexual featuring Dyo — Neikid
Atrocious Flume-lite build-up, insufferable faux-emotional vocals from Dyo (should have got Dido). As sexy as week-old celery. Come on Chuck.
Best bit: When it ends.
Key lyric: “You are, you are, you are ...” Spit it out, love.
18. HEATH SHAW (GWS)
Kiss From a Rose — Seal
We can all agree this is an amazing ballad. But does Shaw really crank this up in the headphones to get him in the zone? Baffling.
Best bit: Thinking about Heidi Klum.
Key lyric: “My power, my pleasure, my pain.”
17. TOBY GREENE (GWS)
Moments — Bliss N Eso
Middling ’Strayan skip-hop. Worth booing whenever it comes on. that’s exactly the wrong thing to do to Greene according to teammate Tom Scully. “Toby thrives off that stuff.” Don’t poke the bear.
Best bit: The hook and Greene knows a thing or two about the right hook.
Key lyric: “The first time I heard Pac, the first time it’s all new.”
16. LUKE SHUEY (West Coast)
Something Like This — The Chainsmokers and Coldplay
Not Clocks? Not Yellow? Not Viva La Vida? Not the bloody Chainsmokers.
Best bit: The YouTube ads before the song starts.
Key lyric: “Doo-doo-doo-doo.” As in do-do like Americans mean it.
15. KANE LAMBERT (Richmond)
Californication — Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Classic song, but, mind on the job, Kane, not mind on the job.
Best bit: When Jon Frusciante takes his guitar for a little walk.
Key lyric: “Cobain can you hear the spheres, Singing songs off station to station.”
14. LEWIS JETTA (West Coast)
Sexual Healing — Marvin Gaye
As above.
Best bit: That first “Baaaaaaby”. Puts the spectacular in speccie.
Key lyric: “Baby, I’m hot just like an oven, I need some lovin’.”
13. SAM MENEGOLA (Geelong)
I Need a Forest Fire featuring Bon Iver — James Blake
The most intellectual choice from the lad who grew up in East Fremantle. A mature selection from a “mature-age” player. Whatever fires you up.
Best bit: The seamless intermingling of voices, exactly what the Cats are hoping for on the field.
Key lyric: “Caution, swelling, can I repay you with some blame.”
12. SHANNON HURN (West Coast)
Sweet Child o’ Mine — Guns ’n’ Roses
The whole of Appetite For Destruction is prime pump-up material. Turn this up to 11 and feel invincible, Hurn Dog.
Best bit: Every note Slash slashes out.
Key lyric: “Where do we go now? Where do we go?” Answer: forward.
11. SHANE EDWARDS (Richmond)
If I Had a Tail — Queens of the Stone Age
This is a barnburner. Edwards will want to become his spirit creature (a Tiger, we presume) and rip the opposition apart with some ferocious tackling.
Best bit: Josh Homme’s post-coital “ahhh hooo”.
Key lyric: “Get your hands dirty, roll up them sleeves.” You heard the man!
10. CLAUDE THE CROW (Adelaide mascot)
Shake It Off — Taylor Swift
Ahhh yes, you remember the “old Taylor”. Claude is a sworn enemy of Hawka after the Hawthorn mascot embarrassed the dirty bird in a dance-off. But look who’s playing finals and who is writing this sto … recuperating after a patchy year.
Best bit: The whole thing is perfect. And what you should do after copping a bump.
Key lyric: “Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play” All right, don’t rub it in.
9. SHANE MUMFORD (GWS)
Beds are Burning — Midnight Oil
An absolute belter. So much intent. I’m gonna let it slide that Mummy also included Eiffel 65’s Blue on his list.
Best bit: Those first horn stabs, then the swaggering rhythm section, then everything that follows.
Key lyric: “Steam in 45 degrees.”
8. ANTHONY McDONALD-TIPUNGWUTI (Essendon)
Billie Jean — Michael Jackson
I have it on good authority McDonald-Tipungwuti can cut a rug on the dancefloor. The youngster needs to be loose and relaxed before his first finals match and this will do the trick. Deadly.
Best bit: That undeniable bassline.
Key lyric: “Don’t think twice (don’t think twice).”
7. CHARLIE CAMERON (Adelaide)
Lose Yourself — Eminem
Look who’s B.I.T (back in town). This is much more like it. This is Marshall Mathers’ ode to fulfilling one’s potential through the power of rap (and he was secretly dating Kim Basinger on the set of 8 Mile). Fun fact: Lose Yourself was scientifically proven as the song that causes most car-crashes. Sort of what Cameron does to packs when he’s at full pelt.
Best bit: The ominous guitars.
Key lyric: “You own it, you better never let it go, You only get one shot.”
6. ZACH TUOHY (Geelong)
Let It Go — Idina Menzel (Frozen)
Roight thar lads, yer man joost loooves a bit of Elsa hitting de roight notes ’cos it remoinds yer man of his sawn Flynn so who are weh ta joodge. Great craic.
Best bit: Reference to the cold not bothering Zach — he grew up playing Gaelic football for Portlaoise.
Key lyric: “Don’t let them in, don’t let them see.” That is, deny opposition entry into their forward 50.
5. DARCY BYRNE-JONES (Port Adelaide)
Drop The Game — Flume and Chet Faker
A game-changer. Both Chet Faker (now Nick Murphy) and Flume have become premiership players for the music industry and kicked goals (sorry) playing by international rules. Byrne-Jones could be a game-changer if he gets a run.
Best bit: The heavy, loping beat.
Key lyric: “Hush, I said there’s more to life than rush.”
4. TOM PAPLEY (Sydney)
Congratulations featuring Quavo — Post Malone
The Bunyip boy is on the boil here. Jack Riewoldt you should be taking notes. Fun fact: Post Malone are playing FOMO by Night in Melbourne, January 11 at Festival Hall with Kaytranada.
Best bit: The truth bomb below.
Key lyric: “They said I wouldn’t be nothing, Now they always say congratulations, Worked so hard, forgot how to vacation, They ain’t never had the dedication.”
3. NIC NEWMAN (Sydney)
Believe — Cher (DMAs cover)
This song was chosen by Newman for the Pride match in Round 18. Shout out to Maverick, Newman’s openly gay brother because it’s a way I can muscle #VoteYES into the sports section of the Herald Sun.
Best bit: DMAs’ heartfelt take on Cher’s vocoder banger for Triple J’s Like a Version. Brave move.
Key lyric: “I really don’t think you’re strong enough.” Words Newman will whisper in Michael Hurley’s ears.
2. DAVID ASTBURY (Richmond)
Wolf Like Me — TV On The Radio
If you’re not familiar with this track from the New York art-rock heroes, well, rectify this now. Loudly.
Best bit: The breakdown before it ramps up again and Astbury starts breaking the lines.
Key lyric: “My heart’s aflame, My body’s strained, but, God, I like it.”
1. TOM STEWART (Geelong)
Let It Happen — Tame Impala
Excellent advice. Case in point: Roger Federer practices so much that he doesn’t really think while he’s playing. Stewart’s impeccable song selection may lead to a similarly effortless BOG after he denies forwards like No.8 for the Tiges. Let it Happen is a mantra for finals players. Don’t think, DO.
Best bit: When everything kicks back in at the 5min 12sec mark. Now that’s a drop, Kayex.
Key lyric: “Let it happen, it’s gonna feel so good” and “I will not vanish, you will not scare me.”
Originally published as We rank the AFL stars’ best pump up songs just in time for finals
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