Tory Shepherd: Blaming women is not going to stop violence

IF in the wake of Eurydice Dixon’s death you’re asking why it is that women walk home alone at night, you’re asking the wrong question, writes Tory Shepherd.

EURYDICE, a beautiful nymph, was chased through a meadow by a god called Aristaeus — he was trying to rape her.

As she fled, she stepped on a poisonous snake which delivered a fatal bite.

Her husband, the poet Orpheus, was desolate, and there is a long and tragic tale about him trying to get her back.

But enough of Ancient Greek stories. We have our own mythology running rampant today.

Take the idea that women should not walk alone at night.

Eurydice Dixon was remembered in vigils around Australia this week after she was allegedly raped and killed on a Melbourne soccer pitch. The 22-year-old comedian was walking home from a gig when she was allegedly stalked, assaulted and murdered by a 19-year-old man.

The horrific happenings have spawned yet another soul searching about what we should do. It’s natural that a brutal public killing sparks myriad conversations about why, and what we can do about it. The brutality of impotence strikes.

Faster than you could say “victim blaming”, commentators were saying it shows that women should not walk alone after dark.

They say that with clarity unclouded by thought.

It feels simple and righteous to say that the solution to women being assaulted, raped and killed is for women to avoid situations in which they might be assaulted, raped and killed.

The simple and righteous are usually outrageously wrong.

Eurydice Dixon was remembered at vigils across Australia this week. (Pic: Jason Edwards)

In the wake of this tragic death, the questions to ask include: Why do people rape? Why do they kill? How do we make our communities safer? What do we do about men’s violence? Should we have better lighting in public places?

Not: Should women walk alone?

There is a difference between public discourse and private advice. Of course it’s understandable to tell your teenage daughter not to walk through dark parks at night. It’s admirable to walk a girlfriend to her car, or keep an eye on a stranger when a man is walking unnaturally close behind her.

It’s everyday heroism to monitor someone who looks vulnerable, who is being followed, who is perhaps so intoxicated she can’t take care of herself. But our authorities should not be saying it is women’s responsibility to stay safe.

No one should be saying women have to change their behaviour in order to not get raped.

That is victim blaming. You might not mean it. You might think you’re just talking good old-fashioned common sense. If you don’t go out alone you won’t get raped. But even though you might say it with a slightly high-pitched tone of indignant incredulity, you’re wrong and misguided.

Most obviously — and this has been pointed out many times in the past couple of days — most women get raped in their own homes, by someone they know. Or in other people’s homes, by someone they know.

Most women get murdered by someone they know.

So the notion of drawing up some safety rules for women that include them not doing specific stuff would also have to include not hanging out with their partners, husbands, neighbours, family, and other people who are meant to be looking out for their wellbeing.

But more than that, even if you don’t mean to specifically victim blame you’re still trying to normalise a society where women should not be doing things because if they do they will get raped and killed.

Mourners pay their respects for Eurydice Dixon at Princess Park, where she died last week. (Pic: Michael Dodge)

If you say women shouldn’t walk alone at night, you have no idea about reality. Right now it’s dark by 6pm and until almost 7am. That’s quite a lot of time for women to be cooped up (possibly in a house with an abuser).

Female-dominated industries such as nursing and hospitality require some quite dim lighting for the commute. What would you have those women do?

And women are not even safe in daylight. I’ve been creeped on (a few times) and chased (twice) in daylight hours. (Don’t worry, Mum, I’m a fast runner). Women are not safe at work, either. Or on public transport.

The idea of women modifying their behaviour logically leads to them living in harems, not allowed out alone, and only then in full niqab.

That’s why even though you don’t mean to “blame” women specifically, if you’re advocating that women not do certain things you’re saying if they do they are wilfully exposing themselves to danger.

Instead of, for example, focusing on the evil creatures who perpetrate that behaviour.

The Greek Eurydice was a nymph, an archetypal beautiful maiden. Nubile. The ancient term also meant bride. But nymph somehow morphed into the basis for nymphomaniac; a woman obsessed with sex. A term that can be used interchangeably with “slut”.

All of which is part of a continuum of myths about women being at fault for men’s sexual desire.

We cannot accept that idea, just like we cannot accept the notion that women should not be alone at night unless they are willing to risk rape and death.

Those who perpetuate the myth that women are responsible are the real snakes in the grass.