Tory Shepherd: Lynch mobs aren’t the answer to cyberbullying
IT’S true that children can be unrelentingly cruel to one another when growing up, but that doesn’t mean bullies should carry the weight of their actions with them forever, writes Tory Shepherd.
KIDS can be jerks.
But can they be evil?
When you read about cyber bullying, it’s hard to escape the conclusion that some children are really bad to their not-fully-formed bones.
There’s an increasing political focus on cyber bullying. That focus has been sharpened and shaped by devastating, tragic events.
Amy “Dolly” Everett, 14, took her own life. Her family said their girl had been tormented by cyber bullies. Her dad, Tick, challenged the bullies to come to her funeral and see what they had done.
Libby Bell was just 13 when she took her own life — again, her parents say she was relentlessly bullied online. Her mother Crystal Bell wrote: “Those that bully and so-called friends that didn’t speak up … they failed you gorgeous girl and we won’t stop fighting for you until they are held accountable.”
These are not the only harrowing stories; there are others.
The scourge of cyber bullying has become entwined with youth suicide.
Just a week ago, The Australian revealed a new low on cyber bullying. Teenagers egging their peers on to take their own lives. Sending this devastating message: “Just go kys xo.”
Kys? Kill yourself. Just go kill yourself, followed by a kiss and a hug.
You can see why grieving, enraged parents want retribution. What sort of monsters are going around saying things like “just go kys xo.”?
Stories about these deaths are littered with parents who want the bullies rooted out and punished.
They are coming from a place of unbearable pain.
But as the ripples flow out and politicians and advocacy groups and other interested parties get involved, these cyber bullies — these kids — are being painted as faceless killers.
And those going after them are starting to look like a lynch mob.
Again, the parents’ words are grief-fuelled and entirely understandable.
But the conversation is now in the public, legal and political realm. And it’s beyond important that we don’t unthinkingly make teenage kids think they are responsible for someone’s death.
Research shows there are children who show the hallmarks of being future psychopaths; they are cold, predatory, unempathetic. They are on a bad path.
But they’re a tiny minority. Most anti-social behaviour from kids stems from them being victims themselves; neglected or abused.
Studies have shown that there are not two clear camps here of the bullied and the bullies. Those who are bullied often turn around to become bullies themselves — and kids can be both victim and perpetrator at the same time.
Then there’s the cruel tribal politics of the schoolyard. Groups of kids forming little circles and making sure others know who’s in and who’s out.
Taunts and jibes and getting picked last on the sports team.
Coming up with incredibly imaginative and cutting nicknames, spreading rumours. All the banal little acts of malice.
Which the internet allows to be amplified until the savage barbs hound their victim at all hours, in all corners.
But they’re still kids. Their brains haven’t properly developed yet to understand the consequences of their actions. They’re trying to conform and get approval as they enter that horrid, torrid time of raging hormones and pimply insecurity.
Imagine, in the midst of that, someone you know takes their own life.
And in a blink, you and your mates are being blamed.
And maybe you’re one of those who said something mean once. Or more than once. Maybe you were goddamned awful to that person. Maybe you just ignored them. But suddenly you are hearing about suicide and wondering whether you played a role.
Suicide is complicated and there is rarely a simple reason someone would take their own life. Surely one thing to be avoided at all costs is to make sweeping allegations about who was responsible for someone else’s death, long before any coronial inquiry has picked apart the context.
Cyber-bullying is a huge problem. We need to keep working towards answers, including technological solutions to block bullying messages online, awareness for parents and children, and the very best support.
Suicide is, obviously, a heart-rending problem — and it’s heartening to see it take its rightful place in the national conversation.
But we have to take enormous care before saying one issue causes the other, and make sure that fear, pain, and the eternal search for an easy solution doesn’t see us put blame on the most vulnerable.
All those anonymous ‘cyberbullies’ are someone’s children. They might be bad kids, but they’re probably not. They’re most likely kids acting out because of what has been done to them, and they could be good kids just doing what kids do with no eye to the future.
Won’t somebody think about all the children?
Help is available via the Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or www.kidshelpline.com.au; www.headspace.org.au; Lifeline on 13 11 14 or lifeline.org.au; and BeyondBlue on 1300 224 636 or beyondblue.org.au.