‘Tis the season for guilt trips

ONLY one in four Aussies enjoy Christmas gift-giving and recipients are usually left with anxiety and shame for not reciprocating, writes Tory Shepherd. Try a new approach.

Only one in four Australians actually enjoy Christmas shopping and gift-giving. (Pic: Dylan Robinson)

ALL I want for Christmas is... a guilt-free lie-in.

A couple of nanna naps, some time with good folks and good books, and maybe a bit of beach time.

No, seriously, you can keep your talcum powder, your chintzy jewellery.

You can definitely keep that mini self-help calendar with a twee quote for every day.

There are too many presents.

They come with good intentions, tied off with a ribbon made of greasy guilt.

Because if you can’t match each gift with one of equal value, you’re the lesser person.

And if, like me, you don’t even anticipate who will be bringing you sparkly tins of shortbread, well...

No matter how much you gush and apologise, your empty hands speak for themselves.

It’s clear to everyone around that one person in this scenario gave up their Saturday to press homemade pastry into star-shaped moulds, while the other sat on the couch and scratched themselves.

One year I was so determined not to be caught short by overzealous gift givers I bought a stack of I Can’t Believe They’re Not Ferrero Rochers to carry around, along with blank gift cards.

That saved me once or twice, but I ended up with enough leftover cheap chocolate that there was an extra bulge over my Christmas elastic-waisted pants.

It’s not the money (well, OK, it’s a bit about the money).

It’s the anxiety and shame of not having the right reciprocal present. Combined with a groaning reluctance to spend more time shopping.

Instead of spending money on useless gifts for people who won’t appreciate them, why not give to charity or support kids in hospital. (Pic: David Caird)

Or the other option, Heavens to Murgatroyd, spending time baking or pickling or handwriting cards.

I’m not alone. Only about one in four Australians, according to a survey by McCrindle Research, actually enjoy shopping and gift-giving.

Split that up and it’s just 14 per cent of men — while 29 per cent of females get into the commercial groove.

That leaves a heap of people for whom the “gift of giving” is more of a gutpunch.

Not only do they not enjoy it, but it will leave them with billions in debt. Debt the Halls, indeed.

One estimate is as a nation we’ll rack up about $30 billion on our credit cards in December.

Another survey, this one by ME Bank, found about a third of all Aussies actively avoid family and friends in order to avoid buying them presents.

What that McCrindle survey showed was that a whopping 70 per cent of us enjoy spending time with family and friends. That’s three times as many who enjoy the shopping and the giving.

It also found the most hoped-for present was “nothing in particular”. I’ll wager there are not many people in your life who can get you a great present (without you sending them the exact technical specifications).

I know a few. One guy who’s a “gift guru” and looks out for just the right thing throughout the year. What a legend.

Parents can be good although one mate’s Mum would only ever get him things that she could tax deduct through her business.

Workplace Secret Santas are a fraught business. The price cap is usually such that Cheap As Chips is the best option. And if it’s higher than that it’s way too expensive.

Over the years I’ve received many of the can-you-take-a-hint type of presents.

Foot cream, bad perfume, crystal deodorant. Or for the household; someone once gave me a feather duster. For real. The year before that it was a bathmat.

There have been pallets of lurid eyeshadows, strange battery-powered devices (for hair styling, I think), and plenty of lipstick (which I never wear).

So prolific gift giving can induce shame in the recipient, is a waste of time and money, and also often only proves you know next-to-nothing about the person you are giving to.

Most of us would rather spend time with family than elbowing our way through the local shops trying to find a thingamajibbet for cousin whatsisname.

Don’t feel you have to buy for everyone in the bridge club just because bloody Marjorie always brings her world-famous chutney.

Don’t spend a weekend sweating it out sterilising jars for preserved lemons.

And whatever you do, don’t get anyone a feather duster or a mysterious battery-powered device.

This year I’m not going to get any backup presents.

If you surprise me with something I’m going to tot up a total and once we’re all done maybe I’ll buy a World Vision goat.

Because we’re all spending far too much time and effort — in the midst of this epidemic of busyness — for very little reward.

Most of us don’t enjoy either side of the bargain.

And most of us would dearly love more people time, or down time.

Let’s quit with the over-the-top giving. Buy carefully, only for people you care about, regift at will.

Consider giving to charity on behalf of people; you can do it online in seconds.

And please don’t give me yet another novelty bottle opener; I’ll only take it trepanning.