Time to call full-time on half-time shows

Nobody in Australia buys a ticket to a sporting grand final because of the pre-match or half-time performers, no matter how good they are, so it’s time we put them to rest, writes Kathy McCabe.

Remember when marching bands were the “entertainment” at the NRL grand final?

Nope, neither do I, but it was a thing before sports officials and music promoters decided footy fans required more action on the field than two teams battling it out for end-of-season glory.

Footy fans, whether supporters of AFL or NRL, have never bought a ticket because of the pre-game or halftime entertainment.

You don’t sell out a match because Australian national music treasure Paul Kelly or American pop lords OneRepublic have been booked to sing in between the parade of retiring legends and the bounce or kick-off.

Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic delivered an impressive catalogue of pop earworms at the NRL Grand Final on Sunday. But did anyone really care? Picture: Mark Metcalfe/Getty Images

Not one solitary soul in the history of grand finals has clocked the “reveal” of who is singing Advance Australia Fair pre-game and thought “Yasssss, Conrad Sewell/Nat Bass will be rocking the anthem. I must go”.

Your only passing thought prompted by that announce is “Good luck to you, and whatever you do, don’t f … up.”

And that is exactly why musical entertainment must be eradicated from the football grand finals of Australia.

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It has become a national sport to sledge the entertainers, unless they are Paul Kelly or Cold Chisel.

The level and volume of vitriol directed at artists who have topped charts and sold out gigs simply for singing — the instrumental bits are generally backing tracks and not live — on a football field is entirely unwarranted.

And in the case of Tones and I, who opened the 2019 AFL GF music feast, an indictment on the lack of cultural awareness in Australia.

Tones and I performs during the AFL Grand Final on September 28. Her music is taking over the world, but for many this performance would have been the first that they saw or heard of her. Picture: Ryan Pierse/AFL Photos/via Getty Images

How many “Never heard of her!” denouncements flooded social media after her compelling and unique performance of The Kids Are Coming and Dance Monkey.

Tones and I has achieved more in her tender 19 years than most of her grand final day critics.

And if you don’t know who she is, after Dance Monkey has spent a historic 10 weeks on the charts, has become the first Australian No. 1 in the UK in five years and been streamed a truly phenomenal 300 million times, that’s on you.

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Let me put it in simple terms; if Tones and I was a sportsperson, the significance of her achievements would be celebrated and dissected by the Australian media daily.

But she isn’t, so she doesn’t get the level of respect due to a young woman who plucked lyrics and melodies out of thin air and fashioned them into a song so damn catchy it is taking over the world.

Billy Idol enters the stadium during the pre match entertainment before the start of the 2002 NRL Grand Final. His performance was widely criticised. Picture: Nick Wilson/Getty Images

But why would a footy fan perform a simple internet search to check out the bona fides of Tones before the AFL Grand Final or refresh their memory about OneRepublic’s impressive catalogue of pop earworms ahead of their NRL Grand Final slot?

They wouldn’t, and shouldn’t, because music is almost completely irrelevant to an event which pits two teams against each other for a trophy after months of competition.

It’s so peripheral to what everyone turns up to watch — or turns on to watch — this year’s pre-match entertainment set from OneRepublic only pulled in 939,000 viewers for their performance. A total of 1,866,000 viewers tuned in for the match.

And Nine didn’t even bother broadcasting Daryl Braithwaite’s halftime performance of The Horses, which viewed via social media did actually engage the crowd who sang loudly in the chorus.

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OneRepublic enjoyed the last laugh at the haters’ expense with Counting Stars and other songs from their set, including new single Rescue Me, getting strong download and streaming boosts after Sunday’s match.

When Beyonce (centre) teamed up with former Destiny’s Child bandmates Kelly Rowland (left) and Michelle Williams during the 2013 Super Bowl Halftime Show it was a definite ‘moment’. Nothing at Australian sporting events has come close. Picture: Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

The fact is the artists love performing at grand finals because where else do you get a chance to share your talent in front of a captive audience of 80,000 to 100,000 plus millions watching at home?

But is all the prejudgement and post-hate of the grand final artists worth it? I say bring back the marching bands.

Kathy McCabe is News Corp Australian national music writer.