New violence stats are a disgrace on our nation

Research released this week shows that no matter how much we like to think we’re moving forward as a society, the reality for young women is that we’re going backwards — and fast, writes Lauren Novak.

Would you say that incessantly calling your girlfriend or secretly tracking her movements on a phone app is a form of abuse in a relationship?

Research out this week by the National Community Attitudes towards Violence against Women Survey reveals one in five young blokes doesn’t think so.

The national survey on attitudes to violence against women is finding each year more young Aussies are aware of domestic violence but many are still not able to identify the behaviours that actually constitute it.

It’s certainly a worry one in 10 young blokes also still thinks that stalking is OK, and one in five believes a man should take control of relationships. But I was most struck by the numbers of young women accepting or condoning troubling behaviours. For example, 43 per cent of girls and guys aged 16 to 24 thought it was “natural for a man to want to appear in control of his partner”. Another 18 per cent felt “many women tend to exaggerate the problem of male violence”, compared with 28 per cent of blokes. And almost a third of young women thought sexual assault allegations were a common way of getting back at men.

One in 10 young men think stalking is okay. Picture: iStock

It is concerning if young women truly hold these views.

It is worrying if they don’t want to express alternative views for fear of being labelled too touchy, sensitive or “feminist”. It is alarming if they have been conditioned or coerced into these views by controlling partners who feel that way. I certainly know cases where this has happened. And it is sad if they are genuinely unaware these behaviours are not healthy, or that they do deserve to be believed and treated equally.

They remind me of older women I’ve interviewed who look back on abusive relationships from which they barely escaped alive and only now recognise the warning signs.

They recall letting controlling behaviour — like having their location tracked — pass at first, only for things to escalate.

Confusion could also be playing a role in the survey findings. The authors say some responses “reveal a lack of informed understanding” and more education is needed.

The survey asks young people about their attitudes to violence against women and the average person likely thinks of violence as physical. But the behaviours canvassed in this survey — stalking, telling sexist jokes, controlling where a partner goes — lie at one end of a spectrum of abuse that can (and often does) escalate to physical violence. This makes them just as dangerous.

The survey encouragingly found more young Aussies recognise physical violence as wrong but we need our young people to know the red flags from the start.

Boys and girls must learn not just what they shouldn’t do in a relationship but what they should not accept.

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