Kids can handle losing. Give them some credit
NOT keeping score in kids’ sport teaches them that near enough is good enough, trying hard is pointless and losing is something to be ashamed of, writes Kara Jung.
HOW are children going to learn how to cope as adults if they never get to win and lose as kids?
This week it was reported that, under SANFL rule changes from next year, many juniors will no longer play for premiership points, goal kickers will not be recorded and no best and fairest awards will be handed out.
This move towards participation over competition is not new. In 2014, Australia-wide changes to junior football by the AFL had children banned from playing to win and keeping score. It’s creeping into our classrooms and schoolyards.
Even pass the parcel now has a prize every time the music stops. More and more, winning and losing are being eliminated from our junior sports, indeed, from all facets of young people’s lives.
But, let’s face it, we’re all keeping score on game day. The parents, the umpires and, most certainly, the players.
So what’s the message we are sending when we don’t “officially” keep score? Losing is BAD. So bad, we won’t even talk about it. And that’s a message this generation will take into adulthood.
We are teaching our kids — our future leaders — to be afraid and ashamed of failure; the very stepping stones to success, to every great achievement.
What are we saying every time we award trophies for just showing up, but not for best on ground? Don’t bother trying — you get rewarded whether you work hard or not. Just rocking up is enough.
Many in this generation are growing up with participation medals, scoreless games and no grand finals in the name of so-called positive encouragement. But, really, does anyone display that trophy with pride, knowing every other person who was there has one, too?
When kids lose, they learn valuable life skills — resilience and determination to do better and how to stay positive in the face of disappointment.
When my team lost the netball grand final, circa 1988, it hurt. But we got to learn about supporting each other as a team through highs and lows and were more determined to do better next time.
It taught us there’s still victory in the way you play and being gracious in defeat.
And when we won one? Well, it meant something. We learnt to be good sports and got to truly enjoy that thrilling high of achieving top spot.
When I missed out on a job I so desperately wanted just out of uni, I used that grit I had learnt playing sport as a kid, where scores were recorded and celebrated, finals were played and trophies were awarded for best and fairest.
I worked harder. It didn’t break me because I had been taught that losing was essential to learning; that not everyone wins all of the time; that failure is an opportunity and certainly not something shameful if you get back up and try again.
Sport has always held up a mirror to the kind of society we are. Pretending there aren’t wins and losses on the field, and in life, will make losers of us all.
Kara Jung is Digital Editor at Messenger News