Greg Barila: Of all bad plane behaviour, this habit is the worst
BREAKING: Standing up the second a plane touches down won’t get you off it any quicker. Why do we turn into a pack of morons when we fly, asks Greg Barila.
AUSTRALIANS are generally regarded as a fairly thoughtful and considerate bunch.
We’re there when our mates need us most. We stand ready to roll up our sleeves when times get tough. We’ll gladly throw an arm around anyone who looks like they could use a friend. We tip out our wallets when disaster strikes.
No doubt about it, when the chips are down, Aussies step up … unless we’re on a plane when we stand up — every man, woman and child at once.
The Hunger Games typically begin in the airport lounge when normally sane and rational travellers confuse the invitation to calmly begin boarding as a fraught announcement from the bridge of the Titanic.
“ONLY ONE LIFEBOAT LEFT! ONLY ONE LIFEBOAT LEFT! WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST! MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOULS!”
Which makes you wonder what kind of news headlines these people have been reading?
“TENTH FLIGHT THIS WEEK TAKES OFF WITHOUT ANY PASSENGERS. CALLS FOR URGENT INQUIRY,” Or:
“STUDY FINDS CANCER LINK IN PEOPLE WHO ARE LAST TO BOARD PLANES.”
It beats me.
These eager beavers are often the same folks who, the moment wheels hit the tarmac, are on their feet so fast they make Usain Bolt look a bit sluggish.
There’s no other way to put it. These people are d***heads.
I said as much on social media after touching down in Brisbane last week and was met with a chorus of near-universal agreement.
“’Why!?! Why do they do it?!!’ Makes no sense,” Neil wrote.
Matt suspected it was a symptom of a broader inability to behave like a normal person in public.
“There is a direct correlation between these people and the barbarians who crowd the luggage carousel,” he theorised, I think, correctly.
Rushing to be first off the plane isn’t just the height of rudeness and a selfish disregard for all those passengers around you who share your objective — to disembark their aircraft at the earliest opportunity.
It’s also an exercise in stupidity because standing impatiently at the back of the plane with your neck cocked awkwardly under the overhead lockers before the pilot has even had a chance to pull the handbrake, or bouncing your carry-on luggage off the head of the passenger in front of you as you scramble to retrieve it, won’t actually get you off the aircraft any faster.
This is shocking news, I know.
A handful of my Twitter correspondents were quick to point out that jumping to one’s feet as soon as possible after landing was less a conscious choice than a necessity, particularly for the tall among us who are often forced to fold themselves in half in confined spaces for hours on end when flying and need to unravel their aching limbs.
I could be convinced to give these people a pass.
Then again, as a member of the Association for the Vertically-Challenged, I might also be inclined to consider it payback for all the times I was forced to stare at a tall person’s back at a show or concert.
Now take a seat and wait your turn because from now on, I’m standing up for sitting down!
Greg Barila is an Adelaide Advertiser journalist.