How cricket wowsers are killing the Aussie larrikin

As the Aussies fought the Poms on the field, another battle was being waged in the Boxing Day Test crowd – between beer skollers and security guards.

The Ashes famously represents the death of English cricket after Australia’s 1882 victory at The Oval.

The 2021 Boxing Day Ashes Test may signal the demise of the Aussie larrikin spirit given the over-the-top crackdown on anything resembling slightly boisterous fun in the stands.

It’s clear one of Australia’s ubiquitous traditions – skolling a beer at the cricket – is under threat from a crew of yellow-shirted MCG security wowsers, with beach balls and beer “snakes” now also on the endangered list.

Former prime minister, legendary larrikin and yard glass record-holder Bob Hawke would be turning in his grave at the killjoy actions of the modern fun police.

There was always raucous applause when Hawkie would front up to fans at the Sydney Test and down a schooner of the delightful amber fluid.

At the 2012 Sydney Test against India, the late Hawkie accepted a beer from a member of the crowd and downed the lot in 11 seconds as police and security laughed behind him. If he’d tried that at the MCG this year, he’d have been given a police escort out of the ground before he’d finished his beer cup.

As the Aussies fought the Poms on the field, another battle was being waged in the Melbourne crowd – between beer skollers and yellow shirts.

Beer sculling was a favourite game for some fans at the Boxing Day Test. Picture: David Caird

On Boxing Day, the Herald Sun witnessed a steady stream of spectators being plucked out of the crowd by yellow shirts, who then called on the police to chuck them out of the ground. The crime? Downing their beers as revellers around them cheered, “skol, skol, skol”.

More were visited by the cops on Monday and handed direction to leave orders under Section 84 of the Major Sporting Events act, banning them from the MCG and Yarra Park for 24 hours.

One man made a daring escape from security and down a row of seats to accept another beer, which he skolled. He was promptly met by at least four police officers who grabbed him and showed him to the gate.

Others were also given their marching orders for harmlessly stacking dozens of empty beer cups into “snakes” and proudly parading their services to litter removal around the stadium. Few of the fans ejected appeared to be visibly intoxicated, abusive or a threat to those around them.

Punters produce a giant beer snake. Picture: Michael Klein

Nathan Mazza, who was punted for enjoying his beer too fast, said he had never heard of someone being ejected for skolling a drink. “(The police) just said MCC rules, not our fault, we’ve got to throw you out,” Mr Mazza said. Tongue in cheek, he said: “Blame it on peer pressure, not me”.

The yellow shirts didn’t take kindly to stray beach balls finding their way on to the field, either. Some produced knives and popped the harmless toys instead of throwing them back into the crowd.

Cricket Australia said there was no policy preventing someone from skolling a beer but that it was “committed to providing a safe and inclusive environment for all patrons”.

“Our ticketing policy and conditions of entry are in place to encourage the responsible consumption of alcohol and to minimise disruptive crowd behaviour,” a spokesman said.

“We want all cricket fans to be able to enjoy a day at the cricket.”

Test cricket is so called because it is a testing sport both physically and mentally.

It is also a slog for spectators, watching for seven hours, if they are not allowed some light entertainment – be it a beach ball, a beer snake or a fast drink down the hatch.

A FEW TIPS FOR OUR YELLOW-SHIRTED FRIENDS

1) If a beach ball bounces out of the crowd, don’t pounce on it and deflate it with a knife. It’s not a grenade that needs to be detonated Hurt Locker style — it’s about as harmless as family fun can get at the cricket. Just throw it back. The crowd will cheer and you’ll be a yellow shirt hero instead of the Grinch. You’ll go home with a smile on your face and a spring in your step, instead of thinking you have the second most depressing job in world cricket (the first is clearly being England captain).

2) See a beer snake for what it is — a community recycling initiative. Don’t panic at the sight of this plastic reptile, it’s not a deadly threat coiling and ready to strike. Instead, celebrate the ingenuity, agility and perseverance required to manufacture a large-scale beer snake. Anyone who has the manual dexterity to create one of more than two metres in length should be fielding in the Aussie slips cordon, not dobbed in by yellow shirts and kicked out of the stadium.

3) And finally dear yellow shirt, if someone skolls a beer (overpriced, luke warm and mid-strength) and is cheered on by their mates, stop for a second and think, what would Hawkey do? Here’s a tip: it doesn’t involve calling the police in.

Originally published as How cricket wowsers are killing the Aussie larrikin