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The ten great Aussie car fails

Australia’s late, lamented car industry produced some truly great cars — but don’t think there weren’t awful decisions down the years too.

September 14, 2019 - 12:00AM
Four-cylinder Commodore - In concept terms, there was nothing really wrong with the first four-cylinder Commodore of 1980. There was a looming fuel crisis (or so we thought) so the idea of a more economical family car made all sorts of sense. But the way Holden went about it made none. By slicing two cylinders off a six-cylinder engine, Holden came up with a horrible, breathless, gasping little engine that vibrated like a jackhammer and made almost no power. It was awful to drive, but that wasn’t the worst of it: No, the worst was that you had to flog it so mercilessly to get anywhere, it used as much fuel as the six-cylinder Commodore.
1/10Four-cylinder Commodore - In concept terms, there was nothing really wrong with the first four-cylinder Commodore of 1980. There was a looming fuel crisis (or so we thought) so the idea of a more economical family car made all sorts of sense. But the way Holden went about it made none. By slicing two cylinders off a six-cylinder engine, Holden came up with a horrible, breathless, gasping little engine that vibrated like a jackhammer and made almost no power. It was awful to drive, but that wasn’t the worst of it: No, the worst was that you had to flog it so mercilessly to get anywhere, it used as much fuel as the six-cylinder Commodore.
Ford’s dumping of the V8 - Even if it hadn’t been Ford that democratised the V8 engine in family cars, the decision in the early 1980s to dump the option from Australian Falcons and Fairlanes rates up there with the daftest of them. Even ignoring for a moment the fact that a huge percentage of Fords were ordered with towbars, ditching the tuneful, charming V8 was just silly. It handed the performance family-car market to Holden and Ford never really gained it back.
2/10Ford’s dumping of the V8 - Even if it hadn’t been Ford that democratised the V8 engine in family cars, the decision in the early 1980s to dump the option from Australian Falcons and Fairlanes rates up there with the daftest of them. Even ignoring for a moment the fact that a huge percentage of Fords were ordered with towbars, ditching the tuneful, charming V8 was just silly. It handed the performance family-car market to Holden and Ford never really gained it back.
Vacuum wipers - In most areas of industrial design, having a component that does two jobs instead of one is clever engineering. But when carmakers in the 1940s and ’50s decided to power the windscreen wipers with engine vacuum, somebody should have seen the problem coming. While a car engine does, indeed, produce enough vacuum to power wipers, it only does so while it’s operating at a steady throttle or decelerating. Can you see the glitch? Yep, the moment you pulled out from behind the semi-trailer to overtake it and pushed the throttle to the floor, the vacuum disappeared and the wipers stopped. Oh dear.
3/10Vacuum wipers - In most areas of industrial design, having a component that does two jobs instead of one is clever engineering. But when carmakers in the 1940s and ’50s decided to power the windscreen wipers with engine vacuum, somebody should have seen the problem coming. While a car engine does, indeed, produce enough vacuum to power wipers, it only does so while it’s operating at a steady throttle or decelerating. Can you see the glitch? Yep, the moment you pulled out from behind the semi-trailer to overtake it and pushed the throttle to the floor, the vacuum disappeared and the wipers stopped. Oh dear.
The death of the industry - History is sure to regard the Abbott Federal Government’s decision to cut off the dollars to the Australian car industry as a backward step. Yes, it appeased the howls at the time that we shouldn’t support an industry that couldn’t stand on its own (and let’s not go near farming) but in terms of putting workers out of jobs and extending the lines at Centrelink, it was very effective. It also ignored the fact that every car-making nation gets along with financial support from its government. We may not always have built great cars (although we sometimes did) but our industry was more important than the short-term gain.
4/10The death of the industry - History is sure to regard the Abbott Federal Government’s decision to cut off the dollars to the Australian car industry as a backward step. Yes, it appeased the howls at the time that we shouldn’t support an industry that couldn’t stand on its own (and let’s not go near farming) but in terms of putting workers out of jobs and extending the lines at Centrelink, it was very effective. It also ignored the fact that every car-making nation gets along with financial support from its government. We may not always have built great cars (although we sometimes did) but our industry was more important than the short-term gain.
Ford Capri - If, as they say, timing is everything, then Ford’s Capri was never going to make it. Designed and built in the 1980s when the local industry was trying to make enough of each model to be viable, the convertible Capri was Ford’s great export hope. To the US, no less. Sadly, Mazda launched its all-conquering MX-5 roadster to the world at the same time and the Capri’s goose was cooked. Even if it hadn’t been poorly built and featured a leaky roof, the Capri was a dud. And the Mazda showed by how much.
5/10Ford Capri - If, as they say, timing is everything, then Ford’s Capri was never going to make it. Designed and built in the 1980s when the local industry was trying to make enough of each model to be viable, the convertible Capri was Ford’s great export hope. To the US, no less. Sadly, Mazda launched its all-conquering MX-5 roadster to the world at the same time and the Capri’s goose was cooked. Even if it hadn’t been poorly built and featured a leaky roof, the Capri was a dud. And the Mazda showed by how much.
Pillar of pain - Holden’s early 1960s cars were, more or less, three-quarter scale versions of US cars like Chevrolets. So faithful was the tribute that the Holdens also featured a dogleg A-pillar which placed a curved section of steel and glass right where your knee wanted to be when either entering or leaving the car. Which meant you entered with oaths or left with a limp after smashing your patella into the pillar. The FB Holden won the 1960 Orthopaedic Surgeon’s Car of the Year award. Not really.
6/10Pillar of pain - Holden’s early 1960s cars were, more or less, three-quarter scale versions of US cars like Chevrolets. So faithful was the tribute that the Holdens also featured a dogleg A-pillar which placed a curved section of steel and glass right where your knee wanted to be when either entering or leaving the car. Which meant you entered with oaths or left with a limp after smashing your patella into the pillar. The FB Holden won the 1960 Orthopaedic Surgeon’s Car of the Year award. Not really.
The Leyland P76 - Predictable though it seems, the P76 can’t be left off any list such as this one. In many ways, the P76 family car was a good thing, it’s just that the snakes were always longer than the ladders at Leyland in those days. The problems started with the Brit parent company not knowing what Aussie families really wanted and continued with a hostile workforce, production delays and raw-material shortages. Combine that with the car’s quality problems (it had the ability to make its own carpets smoulder just for starters) and you had the recipe for disaster that it became. It ultimately took Leyland Australia with it when it went down the gurgler after just 16 months.
7/10The Leyland P76 - Predictable though it seems, the P76 can’t be left off any list such as this one. In many ways, the P76 family car was a good thing, it’s just that the snakes were always longer than the ladders at Leyland in those days. The problems started with the Brit parent company not knowing what Aussie families really wanted and continued with a hostile workforce, production delays and raw-material shortages. Combine that with the car’s quality problems (it had the ability to make its own carpets smoulder just for starters) and you had the recipe for disaster that it became. It ultimately took Leyland Australia with it when it went down the gurgler after just 16 months.
XK Falcon - The XK model of 1960 was the first Falcon built here from scratch. It was also almost the last. Streets ahead of its Holden opposite number in terms of styling and performance, the XK was a localised version of a North American market car. Sadly, not enough engineering went into the adaptation and the result was a car that, when confronted by its first Australian-spec pothole, promptly left its front suspension in the gutter. Oops.
8/10XK Falcon - The XK model of 1960 was the first Falcon built here from scratch. It was also almost the last. Streets ahead of its Holden opposite number in terms of styling and performance, the XK was a localised version of a North American market car. Sadly, not enough engineering went into the adaptation and the result was a car that, when confronted by its first Australian-spec pothole, promptly left its front suspension in the gutter. Oops.
The Brock Polarizer - Peter Brock was a hugely successful race driver and one of the most bankable Australian male celebrities of all time. But even he couldn’t survive a stoush with General Motors (parent company of Holden) when it came to lawyers at 10 paces. Brock developed a gadget called a Polarizer, which was claimed to align the molecules in a car, making it a better car to drive. Of course it was claptrap, but Brock believed in it (so I’m not calling him a liar, just wrong). Holden, aghast at the thought of Brock charging extra for a gizmo that did nothing (especially when the cars were being sold through Holden dealerships) decided it couldn’t go on. Cue the messiest divorce this industry has ever seen.
9/10The Brock Polarizer - Peter Brock was a hugely successful race driver and one of the most bankable Australian male celebrities of all time. But even he couldn’t survive a stoush with General Motors (parent company of Holden) when it came to lawyers at 10 paces. Brock developed a gadget called a Polarizer, which was claimed to align the molecules in a car, making it a better car to drive. Of course it was claptrap, but Brock believed in it (so I’m not calling him a liar, just wrong). Holden, aghast at the thought of Brock charging extra for a gizmo that did nothing (especially when the cars were being sold through Holden dealerships) decided it couldn’t go on. Cue the messiest divorce this industry has ever seen.
HD Holden - Designed in the early 1960s, the HD Holden was an important car for the brand. Holden wanted to make it bigger and roomier, but didn’t want to spend the dollars on a completely new design. So, the engineers stretched the new bigger body over the old platform. Which is why it sort of looked like a king-size mattress on a double-bed base. The convoluted metalwork and intricate pressings to mate the two halves is also why the HD Holden rusted in real time.
10/10HD Holden - Designed in the early 1960s, the HD Holden was an important car for the brand. Holden wanted to make it bigger and roomier, but didn’t want to spend the dollars on a completely new design. So, the engineers stretched the new bigger body over the old platform. Which is why it sort of looked like a king-size mattress on a double-bed base. The convoluted metalwork and intricate pressings to mate the two halves is also why the HD Holden rusted in real time.
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