Why suicide’s guilt-associated stigma has to stop and how you can help

Suicide affects everyone it touches. From mothers who feel they’ve failed to friends who keep asking themselves – what if?

By the end of this year, suicide will have touched the lives of up to 34,000 South Australians, according to trend data and international research.

University of SA’s Professor Nicholas Procter said the ripple effect of suicide was much wider spread than previously thought.

He referred to a US study, published last year, which found one suicide resulted in 135 people “exposed”, or who knew the person.

Until now, the 1970s-devised impact ratio of six people for every suicide has been adopted worldwide.

The research also found exposure to the suicide of a relative increased risk of depression and admission to psychiatric care, particularly among parents.

Prof Procter, head of the Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Group, said suicide was the most stigmatised experience in public health and was a known barrier to people seeking support.

“If we can break through the stigma and reduce the isolation through compassion and education, and if we can increase understanding and awareness, then stronger community support can be created for those who are grieving suicide,” Prof Procter said.

University of SA Professor Nicholas Procter heads the Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Group and is the only SA representative on the National Suicide Prevention Taskforce charged with developing a suicide prevention plan in response to COVID-19. Picture: Mike Burton

There were 251 South Australian deaths by suicide in 2019 – up 40 from the previous year. Numbers for 2020 were expected to be higher because of the mental-health effects of COVID-19.

This week the Sunday Mail and Advertiser Let’s Talk campaign is calling for a change in suicide conversations and a focus on those left behind, in addition to helping those at risk.

Jesuit Social Services’ Support After Suicide manager Louise Flynn said people bereaved by suicide were themselves at higher risk of mental-health issues. “They need understanding, support and many will benefit from specialised counselling,” Dr Flynn said.

She co-authored a study, released in September, that found family members reported extremely limited help immediately after the suicide, or assistance that was inconsistent or ad hoc.

Though based on Victorian survey data, researchers said it was a national issue and more support was needed from state and federal governments, including secure, long-term funding for post-suicide services for suicide bereavement.

“There may be hundreds of family members currently not receiving the support they need as they experience significant grief and trauma that comes when a loved one takes their own life,” Dr Flynn said. “It is clear that this is not always happening.”

AnglicareSA’s Living Beyond Suicide – one of the few SA specialist programs providing support to people affected by suicide – helped more than 170 people last year.

The metropolitan-run program was commonwealth-funded, as was StandBy: Support After Suicide, which covered country SA, and Thirrili, which provided Aboriginal support. SA Police connected bereaved family members with these services.

AnglicareSA’s suicide prevention and grief support manager Michael Traynor said there was “always a need for more services to respond to individuals and families bereaved by suicide”.

He said AnglicareSA had a small team to cover all of Adelaide – one full-time and one part-time position and a small number of volunteers.

About $3.6m in State Government funding had gone to suicide prevention since 2018-19, with 41 suicide prevention networks operating across the state that also helped people bereaved by suicide. An SA Health spokeswoman said community groups such as Minimisation of Self Harm (MOSH) and Silent Ripples had received small grants through the South Australian Suicide Prevention Grants program run by Wellbeing SA.

Jill Chapman, MOSH founder and an Adelaide suicide bereavement trainer, who lost her son to suicide, said: “The taboos and the judgment, whether self-inflicted or external, need to be broken down so that the bereaved do not feel ostracised and isolated at a time when they need help the most – this is critically important.”

Australian suicide prevention experts, including Everymind initiative Mindframe, emphasised that suicide was a complex and unique event affected by a multitude of factors, with no one single cause, event, or condition behind someone taking their own life.

Adelaide mother and suicide bereavement trainer Jill Chapman with a photo of her son Michael on his 15th birthday. Michael took his own life in 2001. He was 16. Picture: Tricia Watkinson

Mum’s still dealing with heartache, guilt

“I must be a bad mother if my son took his own life.” This was one of Jill Chapman’s initial reactions to the news Michael had taken his life.

It looped continuously in her mind long after she buried her 16-year-old boy in 2001.

“I still get the guilts – only very occasionally, even though I know asking yourself ‘why’ and ‘what if’ is a pointless exercise,” says the 62-year-old from Adelaide’s western suburbs. “Of course, now I know it’s not something I had control over.”

At the time though, Jill’s world came crashing down. She lost her identity as a mother instantly and very publicly.

Michael was in Year 11 at the time and seeing a psychiatrist. His death at a metropolitan Adelaide high school was widely publicised then, more than two years later, a coronial inquest spotlighted the family’s loss in public again.

“At the time you feel as though you’re the only one going through this and you think you’re going crazy because you’re dealing with all these strong emotions like guilt and anger in isolation, Ms Chapman says. “So it’s really important to find other people who have gone through this too because it normalises your experience and helps you understand that each, individual suicide is no one person’s fault. There is no one to blame.”

After Michael died, no one would mention his name.

“People would not say we are sorry Michael is gone or that Michael has died – he just seemed to vanish,” she says. Others would avoid Jill at the supermarket or in the street.

Ms Chapman says SA has progressed since then in discussing suicide more openly but more can be done. She set up the charity Minimisation of Suicide Harm (MOSH) and established a bereavement drop-in centre 12 years ago to support those affected by suicide.

MOSH House, in Thebarton, has evolved into a “safe place for anyone who is bereaved, or lonely, isolated or lacking purpose in life – it’s non-judgmental and it’s non-clinical”.

Weekly, she witnesses the impacts of suicide stigma.

“Parents are still being told their child’s death is their fault,” she says. “There is still a long way to go.”

Tim O'Brien lost his mate Travis McLeod to suicide last year. Picture: Keryn Stevens

Tim goes the extra miles for lost mate

By Gabriel Polychronis

Travis McLeod’s death sent shockwaves through his large circle of family and friends last year.

Aged 39, he took his own life just weeks after he was a groomsman at best mate Tim O’Brien’s wedding, in January 2019.

Now, Tim hopes to make talking about mental health a normal part of everyday conversation – just like discussing physical fitness.

“People are very open to talking about where they are as far as fitness or working out goes,” he said.

“They seem to be open to that conversation but not the conversation of ‘oh, I’m just having a bit of a rough time at the moment’.

“It should really be a normal, everyday conversation that people can have.”

Tim and Travis were good friends from high school days and had grown even closer in the previous 10 years. “He was the kind of guy who always had a huge grin on his face – the kind of person you wanted to have in your circle of friends,” Tim said. Travis was a successful branch manager for an electrical wholesale company and had friends across Australia, because he travelled frequently for work. Following his shock death, Tim organised a fundraiser event two months ago called 200 Miles for Travis.

“What really struck me was how much raising awareness was really a significant thing,” Tim said.

“It almost seems like it’s a bit of a hidden problem.

“Everyone knows the (suicide) statistics for men aged 15 to 45 is kind of horrifying but people tend to not really talk about it, because it’s tough.

“We don’t want suicide to happen but it does, and we need to talk about it and help those who need help.”