Suicide survivor Fiki is urging parents to ‘really listen’ to their children

Fiki was just 12 when they first tried to take their own life, so the survivor can relate all too well to shock new figures showing the extent of bullying and self-harm in schools.

Fiki was just 12 years old the first time they attempted suicide.

“I was just so upset. I thought everyone hated me and it would be better if I just wasn’t here,” the now 17-year-old told The Advertiser tearfully.

“When I realised that it hadn’t worked, I kind of just got up and I went and did the dishes. I just went back to life as normal.”

Heartbreakingly, Fiki attempted suicide twice more in the following years before finding lifesaving help.

Now having graduated year 12 and living safely with their family, the non-binary teen, who uses they/them pronouns, is pleading with families to really listen to – and accept – their children.

“You need to get on board or you’re going to lose your child,” they warned.

Fiki’s family is sharing their story as part of The Advertiser’s Can We Talk campaign to shed light on how difficult it can be for struggling young people and their parents to find the right support when they need it.

Fiki and mum Stacey at home with their dog Aya and cat Luna. Picture: Naomi Jellicoe

Fiki is a sweet and sensitive young person who loves animals and watching period dramas and fantasy films. But relentless bullying and worries about grades and fitting in at school were major contributors to their mental distress.

“I felt like I was the odd one out,” they said.

“You think these people (at school) are like your closest friends because you invite them to your parties and you talk to them every day, but they were just keeping you around to make fun of you.

“I’d try talking to people and telling them I didn’t like the way they were treating me, but they just bullied me more for that.”

At an age when many young people are beginning to explore their sexuality this was used against Fiki too, when they were effectively outed by a bully.

“I was ready to come out (about my sexuality) and then to have that stripped away – I didn’t get a choice,” they said.

That incident worsened Fiki’s anxiety and they started refusing to attend school.

“I started getting really bad stomach aches. I would throw up before going to school and start crying and having panic attacks,” they said.

“I put a lot of pressure on myself to be really good at school but I have ADHD and dyslexia so it was hard for me to study.”

A school counsellor helped somewhat and Fiki changed friendship groups, but their grades were slipping and their worries snowballed.

“It began to feel like if I fail this test I’m not going to be able to become a vet and then … I’m going to end up poor and I’m just going to die lonely so why not just speed the whole process up,” they explained.

“It was just so painful existing. Every day was harder than the last one. I just thought this has to stop. My life wasn’t going the way I planned so I stopped planning to live and started planning to die.”

In Year 9 Fiki was diagnosed with depression and began seeing a psychologist.

Later they were referred to a psychiatrist and switched to online schooling.

They also joined the Ruby’s program run through Uniting Communities, which offers short-term accommodation to teens at risk of running away from home, and family counselling.

“I don’t know how we managed to get through to this point,” said Fiki’s mother Stacey.

“It was scary. We just put one foot in front of the other.”

A turning point for the 51-year-old was learning to really “stop and listen” to her child – and understanding that she needed to make time to protect her mental health as a parent.

Now Stacey wants distressed teenagers to know how much good life offers them in years ahead.

“If I could just pick you up and put you down 10 years into your future, you’d realise it’s just such a small part of this big picture of life coming your way,” she said.

Now on the other side of crisis, Fiki has graduated from a Certificate III in animal care at TAFE SA and is planning to travel next year.

They have made new friends and are looking forward to adulthood.

“For a long time I felt like ending it was the only way out. I’m doing so much better now,” they said.

“There’s still that anxiety but I’m coping. I’ve got future plans.”

Fiki, pictured with dog Aya, is managing their anxiety and depression now and planning for the future. Picture: Naomi Jellicoe

Small comforts and practical changes helped Fiki:

Switching to online schooling

Listening to music and wearing “heavy duty” headphones

Playing with sensory toys such as spinners

Keeping snacks and treats around the house

Being allowed to keep their phone with them overnight

Taking part in art therapy

Spending time with their pets

Shocking toll of bullying on suffering SA school kids revealed

By Andrew Hough, Lauren Novak, Lauren Thomas-Nehmy

More South Australian public school students are deliberately injuring themselves, suffering psychological problems or being bullied, new figures show.

Latest Education Department data reveals a record 2400 bullying, care concern and self-harm “critical incidents” in one year at 900 kindergartens, primary or high schools.

The surge, of almost 20 per cent in 12 months, is the equivalent to almost seven such incidents every day.

A critical incident is deemed a “significant, unusual or threatening event” that can be disruptive, contentious, create significant danger and risk, or attract media scrutiny.

Figures show that over the past eight years, recorded self-harm incidents have more than quadrupled.

In 2021, 1365 students inflicted injuries on themselves either in a variety of places including school – or almost four a day on average – compared with 1178 cases in 2020 and 933 incidents in 2017.

South Australia's Education Minister Blair Boyer. Picture: NCA NewsWire / Gary Ramage

Education Minister Blair Boyer said: “When there are figures nationally that one in seven children and adolescents aged four to 17 have recently experienced a mental health issue, we must act immediately, which is what we’re doing.

“Investing in prevention and early intervention gives children the best opportunity for good mental health and wellbeing.”

While the rate of bullying has decreased in the past five years, 411 serious cases were reported in 2021 – a rise of a fifth from 2020.

The rate of “care concern” issues relating to a student’s psychological and physical wellbeing has more than tripled since 2017 with 656 incidents.

Department chiefs say the examples of this is “broad” and can include, mental health concerns, child abuse concerns including neglect, truancy, domestic violence; or financial hardship problems.

This year’s figures were unavailable. The data, which can include an incident being classified in multiple categories, does not provide ages, location or any other identifying information.

Incidents mostly relate to student behaviour but records also include adult incidents.

Recent high-profile incidents have involved bullying and fighting at Golden Grove High and Whyalla secondary schools, but officials say problems are sector wide.

Having visited most schools in seven months, Mr Boyer said the government will spend $50m on mental health.

Mobile phones are banned in high schools next year.

SWISS Team Leader, Robbie Thomas. Picture: Naomi Jellicoe

The Education Department’s Social Work Incident Support Service, operating since 2015, responds to approximately 1400 incidents per year and calls to its hotline are only on the rise.

Team leader Robbie Thomas said the most common reason for calls was students expressing suicidal ideation, followed by problem sexualised behaviour, self harm and mental health.

However, the service is not limited to mental health related incidents and the team can also provide help relating to other traumatic events including car accidents and natural disasters.

Mr Thomas said the division used a brief intervention model providing “psychological first aid” and guidance to schools on how to approach traumatic incidents, in some cases deploying the team to school campuses.