State Budget 2019: Nathan Davies on what Rob Lucas said and what he really meant

Politicians can be hard to interpret. So Nathan Davies decodes what Rob Lucas wanted to say.

• More serious Budget news

What he said: Mr Speaker, I am pleased to have accepted your very generous invitation to visit … to present the second Budget of the Marshall Liberal Government.

What he meant: I mean, it’d better be generous. The sandwiches at last year’s lock-up were dire. Seriously, does anyone actually like alfalfa sprouts?

 

“I love some sprouts on my sandwich,” said no one ever.

The national and international economic backdrop to this Budget presents … challenges with threats of global trade wars and the Reserve Bank Governor warning of a softening national economy.

When is somebody actually going to enforce some screen-free time for Donald Trump? That man’s Twitter finger sure causes headaches.

 

This Budget now has had to meet the challenge of significant write downs in major revenue sources such as Goods and Services Tax (GST) and conveyance duty.

You ever been to a birthday party and the kid next to you gets a massive slice of cake and then you get a tiny sliver and then the kid on the other side also gets a fat bit? Yeah. Me too.

 

That feeling when you know the cake will be half gone by the time you get there.

The softer than expected housing market has also meant a further write down of expected conveyance duty of $184 million over four years to 2021-22 since the 2018-19 MYBR.

It’d be really nice if you’d all pop out and pick up an extra house or two. Good for the bottom line. How about a shack? Shacks are great.

 

Mr Speaker as I advised members last year the Government inherited a financial mess which meant that seven of the last 10 Labor budgets were deficit budgets culminating in a $313 million deficit in 2017-18.

You should’ve seen the place – what a mess! They’d been spending like an Instagram influencer let loose with dad’s AmEx at Sea & Vines!

 

Sea & Vines. Party hard.

The Marshall Liberal Government is pleased to advise that its first Budget in 2018-19 is estimated to end with a small surplus of $101 million.

See, we know how to tighten our belts. Our lovely tanned goat leather belts from RM Williams. They go so well with the boots.

 

This Budget also delivers small surpluses for each year of the forward estimates with a surplus of $94 million in 2019-20 rising to $251 million in 2022-23 and ensures a sustainable Budget position into the future.

And we’ll keep those belts tight. Thankfully heaps of us are on keto at the moment.

 

Hnnnnnng.

Creating an interest free deposit gap loan of up to $10,000 funded via an Affordable Housing Fund of $2 million to be administered by HomeStart. The program will commence from September 1, 2019.

Here you go kids, $10,000! Yeah, I know houses are half a million bucks. No, you can’t spend it on a 70-inch flat screen. Actually, can they? I’ll get back to you on that one.

 

The preventative maintenance program will include works to pre-1968 homes as well as upgrading a number of walk-up flats.

Yeah, nah … you’re still going to have to mow your own lawns. Soz.

 

This Budget actually includes a substantial provision of $550 million in the forward estimates to complete the planning and start the construction of the new Women’s and Children’s Hospital.

Half a bill for the women and kids. Jeez, you’d have to be a monster to have a problem with this one.

 

Significantly increasing fines for drivers who risk the lives of others by speeding excessively and other dangerous behaviour such as using a mobile phone whilst driving.

No more commenting on Stevie’s Instagram on the ride to work. Just kidding, I don’t drive myself to work. Ha! LOL! Marshie, you’re a full mad dog! #looseasagoose #seaandvines

 

The final decision on this gallery will be an important one for Government as it will be a critical opportunity to create a world class tourist attraction with a unique offering housed in an iconic building. It will be a decision which will require courage from Government and the community.

Yeah, take that Tassie, with your Weirdo MONO or whatever it’s called.

 

Hobart’s MONO. Or MONA.

The $8 million allocation this year includes $4 million for infrastructure upgrades and $4 million for general industry assistance.

That reminds me, must get on Race 8 at Doomben this arvo.

 

The Government’s major funding priority in terms of transport projects is the completion of the North-South Corridor project.

Seriously, how crap is South Rd? I always tell my driver to avoid it.

 

Let’s get this done.

Other transport projects include the Goodwood, Springbank and Daws roads intersection.

Unless someone pushes through that heritage listing request on the Peter Van the Party Man building.

 

This Budget allocates $48.4 million over four years to save our metropolitan beaches, especially West Beach and Henley Beach.

Our plans to set up umbrellas on the rocks and labelling it the Positano of the South didn’t pass the focus groups.

 

For a family with a house value of $750,000 the saving is even greater at $254.70.

You can spend THIS on a TV. Can’t they?

 

Yes we can.

This Budget is making the largest investment in schools by any State Government in the history of the state.

Those nature play logs aren’t cheap, so you chalkies are just going to have be happy with what we throw at you. You get plenty of holidays, don’t you?

 

Also a massive backlog of 10,000 un-coded episodes of care have now been cleared which has resulted in millions of dollars of additional revenue.

So, apparently, nobody was sending the invoices off to the Commonwealth Government for reimbursement. Ten thousand times. I know, right?

 

Notwithstanding the above, SA Health advised it would not meet its financial targets in 2018-19, estimating it would overspend by $95 million.

They knocked back our request for bulk billing.

 

This budget outlines spending of $1.1 billion over eight years on regional road projects and transport infrastructure upgrades.

But not too much, because we all want to get the 4WD out from time to time when out exploring outback towns like … Victor Harbor.

 

The Government will replace the ageing 1600km component of South Australia’s dog fence with the Commonwealth and State Government providing $10 million each and industry providing $5 million.

How annoying is it when the dog gets out?

 

The dog fence will be replaced.

Agencies were advised it was no longer acceptable to only adopt the “salami slicing” approach by maintaining all existing programs and taking a “small slice” or efficiency dividend off every program.

Mmmmmmm, salami …

 

Salami, and other cuts of meat. Cartoon: Steven Grice

Difficult decisions to reprioritise funding have been made again in this year’s Budget and as examples the Government has already announced removal of funding for the Adelaide Fashion Festival, Motor Sports Festival and Brand SA.

Yeah, sorry, but I went to that “Fashion” Festival last year and there was barely an RM boot or sensible navy blazer to be seen.

 

However, the current aggregation arrangements create an incentive for land owners to set up complex structures designed to avoid being aggregated and minimise land tax.

This is absolutely nothing like Labor’s franking credits plan. Nope. No similarity at all. Next?

 

Expenditure on salaries and wages is the largest expense for the Government representing 42 per cent of general government sector costs in 2019-20.

So watch all you Labor-voting backroom paper-shufflers. Just kidding. Not kidding.

 

… As I outlined earlier, our state’s economic prospects are influenced by what the Governor … described as a softening national economy.

Seriously, none of this is really our fault.

 

Mr Speaker I commend this Budget to the house.

Are we done? Who wants a doughnut? Do we have doughnuts? My shout!