Rich, famous, successful and (in some cases) catastrophically dumb ... it’s Off The Record’s 2020 awards
The powerful, wealthy and famous inadvertently produced some hilarious moments in 2020 – we honour them in Off the Record’s annual awards.
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What a year. So many memories we’d rather forget. Here’s Off The Record's annual awards, recognising South Australian luminaries who may not actually want the honour.
Warren Buffett prize for getting in on the ground floor: John Olsen took over as premier in the years after the 1991 State Bank financial disaster and in October became chairman of the Adelaide Crows – just after the club secured its first wooden spoon.
The Mark Jackson ‘I’m an individual’ song sheet: By some reckoning Liberal MP Nick McBride is the richest man in parliament and he certainly acts as if he is beholden to no one else, especially his nominal boss Steven Marshall. McBride outraged Marshall with his stinging criticism of how the government handled November’s COVID lockdown.
The Best newcomer award: Only one candidate in this field. This time last year she was as well known as Michael McCormack, now she has become one of the state’s most recognisable and best-loved faces. Of course, it’s chief public health officer Professor Nicola Spurrier.
The patented Andrew Jarman flick pass of the year award: Who else but Premier Steven Marshall? A politician’s favourite thing is for someone else to take the hard questions. This year the Premier made it an art form, although with some justification. “I think I’ll let Professor Spurrier answer that one…’’ “Maybe state co-ordinator Grant Stevens can answer that one…’’
The Bronwyn Bishop helicopter for prodigious use of taxpayers’ money: As ever, quite a few nominees in this category but it’s hard to go past the political carnage caused by the country members’ expenses scandal. Various members would ultimately repay tens of thousands of dollars, some would be cleared by ICAC, some are still under investigation. It was a mess that ended at least one political career and derailed others.
The Tik Tok endowment for running out of time: Former Australia Post boss Christine Holgate was forced to quit her $1.5 million a year job after it emerged four executives were given Cartier watches worth $20,000 as a bonus for doing a good job.
The Corey Wingard award for being Corey Wingard goes to Corey Wingard: Hasn’t been infrastructure minister all that long but has already announced two $100 million budget blowouts. Still his crowning (lack of) achievement was when he said seven times on ABC radio that train privatisation would save taxpayers “hundreds of millions of dollars a year’’. The reality is closer to $10 million.
The Icarus parchment for flying too close to the sun: The ascent of Schubert MP Stephan Knoll to the big time was long regarded as inevitable. The fresh-faced Liberal was given the enormous job of transport, infrastructure and planning in the Marshall Government and was tipped for even-bigger jobs, probably including premier. But after being wrapped up in the country members’ allowance scandal he quit Cabinet, then decided to quit politics altogether at the 2022 election.
The Revlon award for perfect make-up: Sure, it’s a high-pressure situation. It’s not easy when your boss is the notoriously thin-skinned, petulant Donald Trump and you have to invent reasons why you lost the election. But you should still look like you know what you are doing. Not Rudy Giuliani, whose hair dye started to run down his face during a press conference.
The Donald Trump ‘enemy of the people’ citation: The South Australian press corps, who had the temerity to ask hard questions of Marshall, Spurrier and Stevens. According to some of those watching the livestream of the press conferences on the Premier’s Facebook page, the journos were a little hard on the powers-that-be. Perhaps, they would have preferred an old Soviet Pravda-style experience with all questions and stories worked out beforehand.
The Bubble Boy bubble for extreme safety: Of all the COVID zealots, WA Premier Mark McGowan was the most zealous. McGowan, with the apparent approval of many of his citizens, kept the state’s borders fully sealed for much longer than seemed necessary. But reached new heights, or perhaps depths, when he refused to travel to Canberra for a national cabinet meeting because it would mean sharing a room with Steven Marshall.
The Stalag Luft III Great Escape tunnel: You can argue over how well Victorian Premier Dan Andrews handled his state’s COVID crisis once the virus was out in the community, but it is beyond doubt the Victorians had set up a very leaky quarantine system that allowed COVID to escape and do its damage.
The State Bank of South Australia award for mysterious losses: This one goes to BankSA, which has decided not to replace departing CEO Nick Reade, who is heading to the public service. Westpac will seemingly run BankSA as FIFO position, although possibly without the FI.
The Olympic Dam ‘mirage in the desert’ gong: Goes to perennial winner BHP, who after lifting hopes (again) that they would go ahead with their long-mooted expansion of Roxby Downs, decided (again) they would do no such thing.
The Kim Kardashian mirror for relentless self-promotion: To Prime Minister Scott Morrison. Wherever the PM goes, his personal photographer won’t be far behind. Whether that be building a chook house, doing a bit of barre in suit and tie or on an exercise bike while in isolation after returning from a trip to Japan.
Don Bradman honour for marvellous timing: Andrew “Twiggy” Forrest, who deployed a small slice of his billions to buy iconic Adelaide-based firm R.M. Williams, just when a pandemic-weary public was hankering for a resurgence of quality Australian manufacturing.
The Lady Godiva cup for transparency: State Treasurer Rob Lucas, who gave out his personal mobile phone number at his post-Budget press conference to veteran journo Matt Abraham to pass on to a “normal person” who wanted more information about what the economic changes meant for him. Abraham tells us Lucas and West Beach marine shop owner Dennis Carger had a lengthy and useful chat.
Jobseeker recipient of the year: Former Finance Minister Mathias Cormann was loaned a RAAF VIP jet to tour Europe trying to find his new dream job as head of the OECD. The RAAF Dassault 7X costs around $4000 an hour to operate and the total bill is expected to reach into the millions as Cormann pops around Europe handing out his CV.
Cheryl Kernot ribbon for changing colours: As huge fans of the magnificent Norwood Football Club, we’re delighted to welcome federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg – a devout Carlton supporter – to the red and blue fold. Frydenberg donned a Norwood cap and scarf when visiting The Parade in mid-October with fellow Redlegs Steven Marshall and James Stevens.
Nadia Comaneci medal for landing on your feet: Ousted Labor premier Jay Weatherill, who in January started as chief executive officer of Thrive by Five, an initiative of the aforementioned billionaire Twiggy Forrest’s Minderoo Foundation that invests in and advocates for effective early childhood development – a longtime policy priority of SA’s 45th premier.
Gillette gong for close shaves: Police Commissioner Grant Stevens, who managed to attend his daughter’s wedding in early December despite forcing the nuptials’ cancellation when he in November put the state into a three-day hard lockdown in his pandemic emergency role as state controller.
VB cup for a hard-earned thirst: Australian Hotels Association state CEO Ian Horne, who repeatedly and relentlessly spoke out for the hard-hit hospitality industry, with mixed results, but his effort could not be questioned.
Churchillian chalice for a riddle wrapped in an enigma: Newly installed Government Senate Leader Simon Birmingham, who, as Trade Minister, wrestled with the Chinese assault on Australian exports and, somehow, thus far maintained an unflappable demeanour.
The Monty Python Lumberjack honour: Christopher Pyne, who turned to chopping wood at his Adelaide Hills estate when the nation shut down in March and, kindly, sent us a photo of him appropriately attired for this physical endeavour.
Steppenwolf Born to be Wild honourable mention: Lime scooter rider Alexander Downer, who ended up unconscious in a Frankfurt hospital in August after a crash. His sage advice about the “dangerous” scooters: “Fun to ride but be very cautious.”
Mal Meninga medal for sudden departures: Former Adelaide University chancellor Kevin Scarce and vice-chancellor Peter Rathjen, who in May resigned and took indefinite leave within 24 hours of each other but without explanation. The Independent Commissioner Against Corruption in August found Rathjen, who resigned on July 20, had groped staff and treated them with “egregious disrespect”.
Mahatma Gandhi gong for diplomacy: Petrol head tycoon and The Bend Motorsport Park MD Sam Shahin, who reacted to the shock axing of Adelaide’s annual Supercars event by declaring his sadness and surprise, along with respect for the decision-makers. Shahin said everything must come to an end and that the Adelaide street circuit’s history should be celebrated, then declared The Bend “committed, ready and able to fill the void”.
Sergeant Schultz stipend for ignorance: Child Protection Minister Rachel Sanderson, who admitted she was unaware a 13-year-old girl had fallen pregnant in state care – three months after confessing she did not know about another 13-year-old girl impregnated in state care until she read about it in the media.
Pulitzer Prize for public interest publishing: Adelaide Crows ruckman Reilly O’Brien, who in July accidentally leaked game notes branding opposing ruckman Nic Naitanui “lazy and unfit”. O’Brien owned up, blaming a dodgy phone, and Naitanui took it in good humour and gave him a new mobile.
The Kevin Rudd poison pen for not being able to let it go: It was fully expected that Malcolm Turnbull’s autobiography would be a ripper read full of square-ups and score settling. It didn’t let anyone down. From Tony Abbott and Peter Dutton, to Scott Morrison and especially Mathias Cormann, Turnbull missed no one. Of Corman he wrote. “Mathias, at a time when strength and loyalty were called for, you were weak and treacherous. You should be ashamed of yourself.’’
The Rob Lucas Memorial scabbard for annoying the government: The current Treasurer had many long years in Opposition perfecting the art of irritating the government of the day. That mantle has been passed on former Treasurer Tom Koutsantonis, who spends his days in opposition dreaming up new ways to aggravate the incumbents.
The Burke and Wills map for geographic confusion: Labor MP Tony Piccolo made the big announcement he was jumping from his long-time stronghold of Light into the neighbouring Schubert after the Electoral Commission redrew some boundaries. Everyone was set for the big stoush between Piccolo and Stephan Knoll. Sadly, it’s not going to happen. The Commission changed its mind on the boundaries, Knoll changed his mind about being an MP. So, it’s as you were with Piccolo back in Light.
Great disappearing act: Susan Close, the low-profile Labor deputy leader who has struggled to emerge from behind her glorious leader Peter Malinauskas’s prodigious publicity shadow.
The Ron Barassi handball honour for looking good in hindsight: Another one for chief public health officer Professor Nicola Spurrier, Police Commissioner Grant Stevens and Premier Steven Marshall, who copped a lot of heat (particularly from interstate critics) for imposing a hard statewide lockdown when COVID-19 leaked from supposedly secure hotel quarantine. The planned six-day lockdown in late November turned into a three-day event. For the hospitality sector, the economic hit was devastating. For many others, it was like a boring long weekend. Most importantly, though, the outbreak was contained and, thus far, South Australia looks like celebrating a relatively normal Christmas rather than enduring months of lockdown like our Victorian neighbours did. Just like Barassi’s call to his Carlton team to handball at all costs in the 1970 VFL Grand Final, it might have been controversial but at least it worked.
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