Let’s hear it for the footy mums who ride every goal, injury, tackle of their football-playing children

On Mother’s Day, Liz Walsh meets the “footy mums”, the dedicated bunch of women who ride every goal, every tackle, every injury and every kick with their elite footy-playing kids.

Last weekend, Melinda Hately was pinching herself.

There she was, doing something she never imagined she would.

“For the first time ever I watched a full game of AFL all by myself on the couch,” she says, almost bewildered. “There I was with my dogs and I was shouting at the TV. How did I get to this?”

She got there thanks to her 18-year-old son, Jackson, who was playing his second game of AFL after being drafted by GWS at pick No. 14 last year.

And while her husband, Nick, was able to travel to Manuka Oval in Canberra to watch the Giants beat St Kilda by 44 points — and Jackson pick up 21 touches — Melinda couldn’t be there and had to settle for the couch and the television.

“It’s a bit surreal and I’ve had moments of ‘Wow, he’s really done it’,” Melinda says. “It’s been his dream since he was little and here he is.”

Surreal pride is a common theme for the brave band of “footy mums” — the women who, week in, week out, support their sons and daughters no matter the scoreline, no matter the weather, or the odds or the Supercoach points.

Jackson Hately, in his Central District playing kit before being drafted by GWS last year, with his parents Nick and Melinda. Picture: MATT LOXTON

Jenn Palmer, mother of star Collingwood ruckman and All-Australian Brodie Grundy and Port Adelaide draftee Riley, no longer pinches herself that she’s watching games of football. It’s a tradition she can’t imagine life without.

“I’m always excited to watch their games,” she says. “It’s the number one thing I look forward to all week.”

For Carol Hartlett, mother of Power vice-captain Hamish and former Carlton utility Adam, becoming a footy mum has been one of the biggest privileges of her life. It was a bonus that Hamish was drafted to Port Adelaide, where Carol was a member of the club’s cheer squad when she was a youngster.

“I’ve always loved the game and when the two boys came along and they showed talent, there’s nothing better than to see your children excel at something and absolutely love,” she says. “The icing on the cake was them both being drafted.”

But what’s been heart-wrenching over the past year has been watching Hamish undergo knee rehab after he ruptured his ACL at training. “When Hamish rang me about what had happened, I said: ‘You’ll be right, it’s probably just a sprain’, and he said: ‘No. No. No. It’s really bad’.

“And when you hear that, your heart just sinks and your stomach drops. You’re just in disbelief and then you think: ‘I’ve just got to support him and be positive’.”

Carol has supported Hamish through his difficult rehab — as he continues to fight for full fitness — and they holidayed in Bali last year.

For Jenn, having farewelled her middle son Brodie in 2012 when he was drafted by Collingwood, she admits she let out a huge sigh of relief when her youngest son Riley was picked up by the Power last year.

“There were definitely tears of joy and yes, embarrassingly, some jumping up and down with the relief of him staying home in SA,” she says.

“When Brodie was drafted … on the outside I had to be happy, excited, show support and encouragement so his transition interstate was as smooth and painless as possible. But on the inside my heart was breaking. And thinking back now, my eyes are welling with tears.”

Jenn Palmer, mother of Collingwood ruckman Brodie Grundy (framed behind) photographed with her youngest son Riley, 18, ahead of last year’s AFL grand final. Riley has since also been drafted to the AFL, but by Port Adelaide. Picture: Naomi Jellicoe

Tears are another common theme for the footy mums. They cry when their sons and daughters are injured, they cry when they are criticised by online trolls, they cry when they lose big games. Like on grand final day last year when Jenn headed to the Collingwood rooms after their five-point loss to West Coast and saw her devastated son. “I couldn’t think of anything profound to say, so all I did was hug him,” she says. “The tears welling in his eyes and the devastation on his face was heartbreaking. Every family was in the same circle of despair, all doing our best to love and support our sons.”

But for every football loss, there is a winner. For Philippa Jones, her tears this year have been ones of joy, as she watched daughter Eloise win the 2019 AFLW grand final with her Crows teammates in March in front of 53,034 people at Adelaide Oval.

“If I think too much about it, it makes me cry because I’m so proud,” Philippa says. “I hadn’t cried this season until the grand final. To hear the final siren sound and to be in front of 53,000 people, it was immensely emotional.

Crows AFLW player Eloise Jones pictured with her family after winning the 2019 AFLW premiership. She’s in the changerooms with her mum Philippa, brother Alec and dad Paul. Picture: Supplied Jones family

“But how do I feel week-to-week? It’s a rollercoaster and you do feel like you ride it with them. And I know I’m not out there physically with her, but I’m watching and we are her greatest supporters and probably her greatest critics … but I do have to avert my eyes on the odd occasion when I know she’s running into a tough contest because I know Eloise won’t pull out and that she’ll give it her all.”

Philippa says she didn’t really have a choice as to whether she became a footy mum or not: Eloise was born to play football and despite clear talent in basketball, “EJ” only ever wanted the oval ball. “She’s grown up loving this sport … I just sit there and cheer as loudly as I can. She’s doing stuff that most of us will never get the opportunity to do.” 

Melinda says since Jackson left for Sydney last year she’s “had a lot of tears”. “I will open the fridge and just start crying, the first four of five months have been very emotional.”

But there is lots about football life that make these mums laugh out loud, too. For Jane Wines — Echuca-based mother of Power co-captain Ollie — the sibling arguments that happen over group phone messages provide constant highlights.

Port Adelaide co-captain Ollie Wines with his mother Jane Wines. Picture: AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy

“We have a family group message, which Ollie came into the other day and said: ‘Mum, where do I find a Mary in Adelaide?’. I knew exactly what he meant; Mary is the lady we’ve known since he was a baby who does our sewing and alterations.

“Then Maddie (the eldest Wines sibling) jumps in saying: ‘Ollie, they’re not called a Mary, that’s her actual name’. And the next message that comes in was Ollie again: ‘Do you think I’m an idiot, Madeline? I know it’s not, but I want to know what Mary is, what do I look for?’. These are the sorts of things that as a mother still make you smile.”

Jane is also enjoying how her relationship with her 24-year-old son has changed in the seven years since he left Echuca and moved to Adelaide.

“In the first few years we used to talk about all the basic life skills. But I love our conversations now because he’s grown into a strong, resilient man. The last conversation we had was about thread counts in linen. And I have so many calls from the supermarket: ‘Mum, what do you put in your butter chicken?’.

“For Christmas, we get him lasagne dishes and pots and pans. I’ve nearly got him around to buying a slow cooker — wouldn’t that be good?”

The mums all agree the hardest thing to deal with are the hurtful online comments from faceless trolls.

Carol explains: “Sometimes, in the early days, I read the stuff that people were saying and I responded. But the next day I’d think: ‘Why did I do that?’ The regrets! Now I just try not to take it on. I know Hamish, for example, got off Twitter because it can be so mentally damaging.”

Carol Hartlett photographed with her son, Port Adelaide’s vice-captain Hamish. Picture: Tricia Watkinson.

Jane agrees that the toughest part is the public nature of Ollie’s battles.

“I’ve got three other kids and they’re all achieving and have challenges in their professions. The difference … is that their challenges are not public. When you see them being totally picked to pieces … that really hurts. He might be 24, but I still just see the five-year-old.” As for Jenn, she hopes Brodie returns to SA at some point (rumours are swirling he might be lured by a lucrative offer from the Crows).

“I’m thinking I have a good chance, knowing his beautiful girlfriend Rachael is an SA girl,” Jenn says. “But in regards to the Crows having an interest in Brodie, well, first and foremost I want him to be happy, so wherever and whatever that means, then that’s what he should do.”