‘It doesn’t matter how far along in your pregnancy it is, that child was wanted, it is still a loss’

‘It doesn’t matter how far along in your pregnancy it is, that child was wanted, it is still a loss.’ An Adelaide documentary-maker this week shares the real stories of pregnancy loss.

Little ‘gift’ Lincoln with his documentary-maker mum Lyndal Redman. Picture: Sam Wundke

An Adelaide documentary-maker whose latest project aims to shine a light on stigma around miscarriage is backing a push for paid bereavement leave for those affected by early pregnancy loss – and she wants it to be available to men as well as women.

Lyndal Redman, who lost her first two babies to miscarriage, said it was crucial would-be parents were given an opportunity to grieve, as well as be encouraged to talk about miscarriage.

“It doesn’t matter how far along in your pregnancy it is, that child was wanted, it is still a loss,” she said.

“From the moment you get that pregnancy positivity, you are already building and preparing for that life … it is important to acknowledge (that loss) and give couples, not just women because men are just as important, a chance to grieve.

“I think we often go, ‘It is a female thing’, and it is because we are the one who is carrying the child, but if a bloke is desperately wanting that child too, the loss is still there.

“If you give people the opportunity to grieve their pregnancy loss, it is going to make things better in the long run.”

Ms Redman’s new five-part online documentary series, You Are Not Alone, launches this Monday on kidspot.com.au.

Each seven-minute episode, to be aired daily, explores the loss and grief surrounding miscarriage and itsimpact on families, sharing raw, first-hand experiences.

The series feature perspectives from obstetricians, researchers, and support organisations and tells of the isolation felt through miscarriage, felt even more intensely by those in some of the most remote regional areas of Australia.

“(There is Kristy) who had to drive six hours knowing she was miscarrying followed by returning to the isolation of returning to her remote sheep station after suffering her loss –

– her story definitely needed to be told,” Ms Redman said.

Inspiration for the series came from the personal stories of women and men who reached out to her after the director and producer shared her story of the 2017 loss of her baby at 12 weeks’ gestation in a video on social media, moved by the personal stories of the women and men who reached out to her.

It is estimated one in four confirmed pregnancies end in miscarriage before 20 weeks with 282 women reporting an early pregnancy loss in Australia each day.

“For me what stands out most is the silence,” Ms Redman said.

“People are so afraid to talk about it.

“(The loss) still hits you, it doesn’t matter how much time passes. You think back to that day and the baby that was sorely wanted … (we talk to) David who is 70 and he thinks about it more now than when he was in his 50s, so it is certainly not something that goes away.”

Ms Redman, who suffered a second miscarriage before falling pregnant with her 11-month-old “gift”, son Lincoln, says pregnancy loss can put strain on a relationship.

“The happiness does go … there is so much pressure,” she said.

“There is pressure on your husband, there is pressure on you, there is pressure on the relationship constantly, up until the point you get pregnant again and you end up with a baby in your arms,” she said.

“Every time we went in for a scan, up until 20 weeks there was absolute fear that we were going to walk out of there just completely heartbroken.”